Detachment and the end of limbo, sort of...too

[Painter]

I hope you figure something out that isn't to physically exhausting to do.

It sounds like you need some rest... Maybe getting up early today can help you get into a better sleep pattern?

It sounds like your day is really full, and I get that it beats sitting at home crying (have several of those t- shirts), but maybe you can make it an early night and take your meds to try to sleep earlier than usual?

The tears need to come out, too. It will stop much faster this time.

You were not naive. You trusted a person you had decades of history and a committed relationship and even a legal contract with. If a business partner of 25 years suddenly took all the money in the company account and flew to Aruba, would you blame yourself? If a woman was raped by a friend she had known for 20 years,would you blame her?

You cannot have a relationship without trust. It's one of the cornerstones. It's not your fault that your WH has emotional problems, or that he is dishonest, or that he lies.

[SH_]

Good evening Phoebe!
Driving by again to say hello and peek in on you.

How's the farm doing?
How are the parents?
How is the paperwork coming?
How are you doing?

Are you pacing yourself a bit yet?

I hope all is well.
When ya gonna be around to chat?

Sleep well Phoebe.

(((((Phoebe)))))

[Phoebe]

Why hello, Sparrow Hawk!

Today was a good day, busy, as usual, but good. I almost missed my appointment with my GP because I hit snooze on my phone after the alarm went off and it never made another peep. I had a 9:15 appointment, and i try to get out an hour early because traffic can be a wildcard. Well, I peeked at my phone to see how long I had left of my 9 minute "snooze" and the answer was OMG!!! - it's 8:17!!!!!

Oops. I had a 2 minute shower, brushed my teeth and threw on some clothes, ran outside to feed my younger chickens, let my big birdies out for the day, fed the cats, and hit the road. Somehow, without any significant speeding, I go there with 3 minutes to spare. Whew! Every light was in my favor, and there was no traffic anywhere to speak of. It was odd, but a good day for it!

My doc put me on an additional antibiotic for Lyme disease because I'm still having symptoms after 9 days on doxycycline. We talked about it, but she doesn't want me to taper the AD dosage yet at all. I was disappointed, but, given the way I've been feeling the last week, I suppose it's not a bad idea to stay on this level a bit longer.

I had an incredible lunch home-cooked by R-frined at her house, and then we headed to the fair, where we ate some more, walked and walked, and generally had a very casual, relaxed time together. It was nice. L-friend met us in the evening and we all watched a free concert for a while. L-frined and i then walked around the grounds, including the midway, then headed out for the night. My only wish for the day was that I had dressed a bit cooler. Jean on a hot humid day are rough!

SH, I did the f-that meditation twice last night,. : )

The farm is good, though I have one chicken that has spent the last 2 nights outside the coop. I didn't realize it until this morning when I let the birds out (while rushing around to get to see my doctor!!) and realized that there was a ready a chicken lurking around the tractor! Hammy. I wasn't certain, but I was suspicious that she was out all night. Tonight I checked the coop When I got home after 1, and there were only 9 birds in the coop, rather than the full 10. I searched all over for her, talking th whole time, and hope=ing she might anaswer, but... nothing. : (

More updates later.

Does this site have some sort of chat function, SH, or are you asking me when I'll be back n line again? You can give me all the details, while I go and get some shut-eye. It's going to be 3:30 here shortly, and I am super tired.

Good night, everyone!

[Painter]

Hope you're sleeping!

I woke up at 3:30 from an entertaining dream - I pulled OW by the hair out of their bed and dragged her down the stairs and out of the house and drove her to the state border.

Just had a cup of tea and hope to be able to get a few more hours of sleep. Thankfully it is Saturday!

What are you doing this weekend?

[SH_]

Hello Phoebe!

I do not believe the chat function works here. I was more thinking of the days where we were more in sync and roaming around the community here more at the same times.
Chatting with you with a post or 3 per day would be what I meant.

Sleeping past the alarm. Now that is a different thing for you eh? But I know that panic mode you hit when you realized you over slept. It can be exhilirating and get the day started off on a very different foot eh!?

So am I correct to understand that most of your days are spent with 2 friends? The l friend (a bit more than a friend?) and the r friend ( friendship has its moments of strain from time to time?)
Do you still do meet ups or other events with groups of people?

What are you doing these days for as it relates to alone time?

Run away chicken eh?
Did she just slip out on her own?

Ah, I do enjoy the f that meditation. The smile on my face always grows when hearing it.

I had a busy day with now d6's birthday. She seemed to have a blast.
D18 left a few minutes ago for a late night gathering of her friends.
She is very excited and I have that fatherly nervousness.
But u expect she will have fun and I will sleep with one eye open till she returns safely.

I am beat, so I will swing by tomorrow for more chatting and an update on my own thread.
I think I have to get a new one started. That is like number 6 or 7 I believe.
Oh what a journey it has been.
Sleep tight my dear Phoebe.

[Phoebe]

Well, no it's not just two people these days, but, yes, they're the ones I see most often. True, l-friend is more than a friend, and R-friend is a bit of a challenge, but I enjoy her company. She's from Europe and the cultural differences are interesting. She can be blunt, but also funny and astute, and she's an incredible cook! I got a recipe from her for her stuffed tomatoes and made it last night. (All three of us had it last week at r-friend's 20 years in the US anniversary party) I love to cook, so last night was a homemade dinner extravaganza, and most of it was even home grown! I made fresh bread, stuffed tomatoes, fresh garden cucumber salad, roasted red peppers, and an egg salad made from a stash of eggs that one of my birdies squirreled away for a few days, and thus had to be eaten relatively quickly. Cooking is a gift I give myself, and it's one that I've barely given myself since walk-away date. Heck, I wasn't eating, so there was no point in cooking. It's really nice to be in my kitchen again. And eating again.

I see R-friend a couple times per week, and I see l-friend most days, that is true, but usually just a few hours in the evening to bike and have dinner. Days are on my own, dealing with legal stuff, working on my farm, trying to get caught up on long-neglected tasks, etc.

I have two neighbors I spend time with, usually once a week or so each, and a woman I've known for a long, long time that I will heretofore dub B-friend that I went to a beekeeper's meeting with recently. We volunteered to staff the beekeeper's association booth at the local fair this Tuesday evening from 3-9. There will be samples of different types of honey for people to try, and there will be a demonstration bee colony, and I'll be learning a lot (or looking very clueless???) because I will have to be answering questions from the public. I probably ought to do a bit more reading before I go, huh? I am totally excited to start keeping bees next year!

I still see my parents most days, but admittedly not as much because I have pretty much finally made the transition back to sleeping in my own bed in my own home again, a mere 8 months into this whole WAS/D adventure. That's serious progress.

I also hike with H-friend, and have spent time at her house and she is pretty darn great! By far the easiest person to be around that I've met. I had to bow out of a last weeks' activities with her because of my wonderful Lyme issues, but I fully intend to start hiking with her again now that I am feeling better. we were supposed to go on a biking and paddle boarding adventure last week, but I was down for the count that day, fever, achy, generally yucky.

Yesterday I spent the entire day at the farm. I spent serious time with my birdies and got caught up on a lot of stuff that had been piling up.

L-friend came over around 7 and we went for another really good bike ride, getting back right at dark. I have installed a headlight on my bike now because the days are getting shorter again. Then we cooked dinner together, which was, as I said, one of those things I love to do, and he stayed for a few hours afterward.

No, I haven't gone to a MeetUp in weeks. At least 6 weeks, actually. My Audubon Society meetings stopped over the hottest months of the summer, but are set to start up again in the fall, so I'm looking forward to that. I still hike by myself when I go to my therapist.

Yes, I'm busy, but I'm also feeling OK. I don't feel like I'm staying busy to run away from the messiness/madness/sadness of my M/D I am just spending time with people I enjoy, doing things that I enjoy.

When I was at the fair on Friday, I spoke briefly to a vet in the animal health demonstration area, and she invited me to contact her to work at a low-cost spay-neuter clinic that she is a part of. It's paid work, and it's in my field, on a per diem basis. I'm thinking that might be a good thing to investigate, so I'm going to contact her this week and see what it's all about.

Alone time: I need more of this, I completely agree.

SH, I am so glad to hear that D6 had a good time for her birthday, and that D18 is out enjoying her friends. You are a wonderful, loving father.

Farm update: This is the story of one crazy hen...

Two mornings ago, when I was frantically rushing around because I overslept and was running late to my appointment, I was on speed chicken-care duty. I let the big birds out of their yard, and they were all following me, but I noticed that one bird was actually AHEAD of me, about 25 feet away. Hmmmm. Why wasn't she with the main herd of birds, and how could she have possibly gotten that far ahead in a few seconds? I was suspicious that she spent the night outdoors. That evening, after dark, I checked the coop, and, indeed, I only had 9 hens inside, instead of 10. I went out and searched for her in the dark, but to no avail. I thought she was a goner for sure.

The following day, late-morning, I went out and let out the flock, called and searched around for RogueBird, and... nothing. I gave the other girls some treats, and then I hear this loud squawk, and she came flying out of the weeds at me! Luckily I saw where she came from, and there in a little corner, hidden by tall weeds, she had secretly laid a 9-egg stash of eggs, and then she had gone into full on Mommy-mode and was willing to risk life and limb to hatch these sterile eggs and was now acting like a typical grumpy broody hen. Poor girl. Now she's under lock and key.

Tomorrow I see my therapist again, and there's certainly a lot to talk about once more, with me being served while he was out of town. After that I'll go for a hike on my own, then probably a ride, and then I'm headed to the fair again. More to see and more to do, and another free concert. I usually go the fair once every few years, but this year I bought 3 advanced sale tickets and got one free for the night I volunteer with the beekeepers. It's a nice change of pace and a way that I can both see plenty of good things, and, most importantly, for me, get a chance to see all the animals!!! I love seeing the goats and the chickens and the cattle, especially. I love to watch the heavy horse hitches, too. It's incredible to watch a single person control up to 8 draft horses so carefully and patiently. Plus there are all the ribbons woven into the horses' manes and tails, the ringing of the harnesses, and all the shiny wagons, with every hitch in its own colors. It's wonderful.

Today is another stay-at-home sort of day. It's too hot to stay out for very long, and I am starting to have all my usual issues with phototoxicity from the doxycycline and azithromycin antibiotics, so I have to wear long pants and sleeves and a hat in this heat. Yuck. I am still getting gout there is short bursts to play farmer, but then I come inside to enjoy the a/c until I gather my courage to head out again!!!

Tomorrow I'll be right back into the thick of the legal stuff, but today I plan to pretend it just doesn't exist.

I've been tapping away at this on and off all day during my cooling-off breaks, so it's high time I just posted it already. I hope that everyone is staying cool and has a relaxing day of peace and quiet from all the M/D stuff. We all need a break sometimes.

[J5K]

Phoebe

I am happy to hear you had a good day! This makes two of is. I have had a wonderful day also!

[Phoebe]

Can't tell you how happy that makes me, JK!! You've been having a tough sled of it lately, and I am so glad to know that you caught a break today. Ride the good days on this roller coaster for all they're worth!!!

(((((((JImKao))))))

[Cherry]

You sound like you're doing good just thought I'd swing by and say hi. You really inspire me to get out and do more. I think you by far do more GAL activities than any other db-er I've seen. And it seems to be doing you well.

I'm also glad to hear that you are cooking and eating a lot better too. That's great to hear. I find it's often far easier to eat when I have company.

Keep at it, you're doing great and you've come so far

[Phoebe]

Tonight I took a long-overdue walk in my fields after dark. Man, I love my land, and walking in the dark reminds me of why I feel that way. It was cool outside, with just the tiniest hint of a breeze. The crickets and katydids were singing their beautiful chorus, the bullfrogs were calling out their staccato songs, and the stars were shining brightly. It was wonderful.

Time for bed!!!