My Wife Walked Out 5

[RSG]

I really appreciate that Andrew! My folks told me that again today. Of course, I felt terrible this afternoon. We had a nice day. After we got home after picking up some clothes, it was 5PM. For the next 2 hours, he spit up some chocolate cookies on his shirt and gray carpet. Then he was getting on the windowsill, ripped off the little cylindrical thing that changes the direction of the blinds. I offered him real food about 17 times, and all he wanted was milk. I was so tired, I yelled at him a little.

When we were doing bedtime I gave him lots of hugs and told him I loved him so many times. He gave me hugs, told me he loved me and went right down. I gave him lots of kisses when he went to sleep.

Overall it was a good day. My favorite shirt I bought him is a long sleeve that says "I'm cool, just like my Dad."

I tried this new recipe for chicken fried rice. Loved it!! Made a damn mess in the kitchen, but it tastes so good. I'm really enjoying cooking and recipes, it's really therapeutic and I feel myself getting more comfortable with the whole thing!

[RSG]

Just when I was thinking "I haven't been contacted for a full 24 hrs" she sends a few texts. I'm swamped at work, mainly because I was out but also because we're freaking busy. So I didn't answer. She had asked about how he was doing and if I had spoken to teacher re Audiologist. And why I was on radio silence lol.

Just before I come here, I text her that I'm REALLY busy and wasn't able to talk to his teacher. I'll be less stressed this PM if she has any questions. She empathizes, and asks if she can keep S a little longer this weekend so I can rest. Not sure where the friendliness came from, but I say sure. S will enjoy that too of course.

Was thinking this AM: What would divorce look like to me? What would reconciliation, or an attempt at such, look like? I think these are things I need to start thinking about more, and to possibly write down. Maybe make them a topic of conversation next week at therapy?

As noted in a few other threads, I've tried to maintain a day to day approach. Whether it be w/W, S or work. I'm trying to maximize each day, and also not to freak our or fret about weeks, months or even years into the future. I'm a planner, so it's not easy, but I'm improving.

[cbtdad]

Good job staying the course RSG!
Slow steady wins the race.
And you are recognizing that you aren't even sure what the race is, but that you are becoming a better man and father regardless.
That's goal #1!
I love that you found a new hobby. Cooking is a damn fine one. It relaxes me
I've been cooking since I was a little boy, even went to culinary school for 6 months
It's what I like to do to relive stress.

Her sending emojis is a positive sign. It's showing some emotion towards you
Emotions good or bad are better than indifference
But remember to keep doing what works. Don't start making more contact or anything yet. Just do you for now buddy

[lt0402]

Agree w/ CBT. The emojis show that at least some effort is being put into communicating across emotions. A lot better than the short and terse text's I'm sure we've all gotten throughout this thing.

Keep it up brother. You're doing so many things right, you should be proud of yourself!

[RSG]

Thanks CBT. Slow and steady ha. I'm the hare that's slowly morphing into the tortoise. First thing I'm focused on is being Daddy, #2 is myself. I honestly feel better about myself overall than I have in a while.

Wow, culinary school. I could never do anything fancy, because I'd never eat any of that stuff! I try to do a new recipe once a week, it's fun. I think I might try this turkey burger w/Thai peanut sauce next weekend, and there's a recipe for homemade taco seasoning that's screaming my name.

As for dropoff, it was quick and easy. She had texted me a few minutes before I left work, and we went back and forth about little guy a few times. I know it's a little much, but when she starts expressing worry over him and his future I just feel like I should validate rather than ignore. She showed me his birthday shirt, and I liked it. She had said she wanted to discuss him in more detail at dropoff, but when I rolled up she didn't have much to say. She did mention she wanted to get to the library, and called me over to her car to say she's getting paid differently and will have to break up her share of tuition payments. I said cool, no problem and we parted. I just walked to the car, and then she said bye as she drove off. I turned and acknowledged but didn't make a big deal....

Library? As a pessimist, my first thought was oh no! DIY divorce stuff! Lol. Nah, I don't really believe that. She's probably just picking up books to use at school for her kids as she's done in the past.

As for the emojis, I thought it might be positive. Most of the ones she sends regarding me are smilies, and a few sad ones about S. When conversation turns from S and moves to banter, I engage a little but either excuse myself or let the conversation end of its own volition. I don't make initial contact ever...

Appreciate the support as always LT! I am pleased with my improvements, I just get really impatient! As noted above, it's something I'm working on. Celebrating the little things is important. If I compare myself to where I was 3 mos ago, it's like night and day.

[Cherry]

Wow just reading your posts is truly inspiring. You're doing great. Parenting alone definitely isn't easy, but it sounds like you are doing an amazing job at it. Your s is really lucky to have such a hands on loving dad.. Especially one who knows his way around the kitchen!

[RSG]

Cherry, the tough moments are tough. He hadn't slept all day, and when that happens he has a "late night nap" going down around 7 and waking up around 2hrs later. Tonight, he cried, flailed, kicked, screamed and held his milk like a prop. It was hard, but I got him down.

Oh, curiosity. I checked my library account, to see if she was still actually using my card. Yup lol. I renewed my book (which happened to be late!) and noticed it was a bunch of kids books. Along with How to Do Everything and Be Happy. All she told me for months was "I'm unhappy" and I could never get a straight answer as to what she meant. I guess she didn't either.

It is good to know she's really working on herself during this time. I could interpret this 17 different ways. But what I read earlier makes so much sense: How can we share happiness with someone else if WE aren't happy? I'm starting to believe that, and as I become happier I can understand this more and more.

No, this is not recommended. But, I'm glad I saw it. I like the path I'm on, and can see myself being happy no matter what happens to our M. Cadet said it after my first or second post. She's not happy. You didn't make her unhappy, this is something she came into the M with. It is nice to know that has been proven. Will her path to happiness include me, and our family? Who knows. But the chances are much greater if we're both happy....

[RSG]

So, I was thinking about making a post about communication.

Then, blam! W blows me up from about 6 to 7:30 talking about the little guy. Everything from are you going to be able to come to his Christmas party at preschool to I'm worried about him not doing the work at school to a joke here and there w/a few emojis thrown in. And a picture. I tried to validate her concerns about him and keep things short, but she KEPT talking. I probably should've left it earlier, but for every answer I'd get 4 more texts.

I left it at Hope he has a good night, and she said he will he's winding down with Bubble Guppies.

So, I guess I'm putting out the APB: Is she reaching out? Or just bored?

[CT1118]

As noted in a few other threads, I've tried to maintain a day to day approach. Whether it be w/W, S or work. I'm trying to maximize each day, and also not to freak our or fret about weeks, months or even years into the future. I'm a planner, so it's not easy, but I'm improving.

Catching up my friend. The above is a great statement and very true of me as well. Established we are both introverts long ago. So hard for us not to immediately analyze the present, feel done with it, and then reconnect with the future big picture. Part of why I think you and I are simultaneously great & horrible at this stuff. We read the info, analyze, take what seems logical, then go by logical instinct as it is to us, then analyze results, then go back to hating the fact we are being pushed against our nature to live in the present, then think we are correct, then realize other possibilities are correct, then realize the world exists in the present, then understand we are a minority, then realize we have to double down on ourselves, then stick to swimming up stream as it is what we have to do because the world is not going to relate to an introvert because so few do. Yes? Correct? If not, I have already decided I am correct, but respect your option to disagree - now that is progress!

On the text, I have come to understand that women love text. And I will bite at your question...Not thinking she is bored, not thinking it is for real reaching out. I am not sure if her OM was/is younger or older. But I would guess text played a big role in the A. See text can be done quick. For every text you saw her do, there were three you missed. It is the ultimate weapon in an A IMO. She can text right in front of you and say out loud "my blank (BFF, Dad, Brother, Work, Whomever) is blowing me up; the only way you would know is to check that sht later, i.e. spying. You would notice her walking away to make a phone call. Text used in cheating leaves us all skeptical of that GD cell phone forever.

I will say this. My W has changed her emoji use over time. When she was lying a lot I always got the kiss blow or the heart. Now that I have called her out, I get the smiley on the reg. Like her way of saying "OK, you know I am an Ahole, but I still want in". From my studies, there are entire ebooks written on "how to get your ex back through text" which I think is dumb. But, the entire point of my intro to this post is to admit that I do not keep up w/ the present and the "right now" is exactly where our selfish WW's live; and right now is text. So, my WW has an OM who is 9 years her junior, same age as your WW. I realized that most, if not all her communication w/ him is via text long ago. So, when I do communicate w/ her, and if I can control it, I try very hard to keep it on text. Why? B/c I realized she has learned this vehicle of communication and so should I. Text was/is her vehicle to communicate w/ OM, so I do my best to hijack that vehicle, learn it, and operate it better.

Sounds dumb. I am not yet the paradigm of success here. But, we have to meet the rubber at the road. In hindsight, I wish I went NC from the start, but was 4 months deep in S before I even knew that existed. So now, I feel like some hybrid of this whole spectrum which either is or is not working for me and I never really know. Yet, I do know this...learning how to send and receive text seems important to people in our age range (and I am on the upper end of that range), but text is here and knowing how to use it is helpful; and that goes for another woman in the future or for my current WW who is a nonetheless a master. So, Yeah, I think those shtty little smileys are dumb, they mean something, and they mean nothing, but they are present tense.

[lt0402]

No idea of her motivation RSG but it's good to see her warming back up to you. I think, and the vets will be better for advice, you just need to remember to take it slow so as not to scare her off.

Other than that, hoping this is something to build on for you two. You've got the right attitude and skill set for this brother. Just keep doing what you're doing and see what comes of it!