Lost at the moment (2)

[doodler]

lfm,

I'm sorry you're having a difficult morning. My 16th anniversary was on the 10th. I was lucky, my WW used that as an opportunity to hit me up for some money. She pissed me off so I didn't really dwell on the sadness of the occasion.

I hope you start feeling better and I hope you have some excitement scheduled for the weekend.

[lfm]

Funny thing is W asked me if we could go do something like see a movie tonight to get out and away from the kids.

I'm going to go and use it as a chance to get out myself, and hopefully enjoy a show. A movie means there won't be much communication, so that's not a bad thing. We'll see how it goes, but not seeing it for more than anything as a chance to get out.

Thanks doodler!

[sandi2]

The other thing that I've started realizing is that my being there for her to "vent" about the A is that I've continuing prior behavior of "Nice Guy Syndrome", thinking that if I let her vent to me, it will keep us communicating and connected on some level. Don't know if there is any validity to that or not, but something I need to think about more as well.

When I was a teenager and had just started dating, there was this guy who took me out. He was really cute and maybe I would have been more interested in him....except I had previously dated one of his classmates. It was his classmate that I was really interest in.....not this nice, cute boy. So, here I am out with this cute boy and I'm talking about his classmate and asking him why the classmate broke up with me, on & on. It wasn't long before I found myself returning home from that date.... (and he drove pretty fast getting me there). Of course, I was very young and had a lot to learn, but I bet you can see what I'm trying to show here.

I wasn't thinking about this cute boy and how he had gotten a car, probably washed/waxed it to get ready for the date. He may have had to work to get money to take me out to the movie. I lived a ways from where he was, so he had to drive some distance getting there. And what did I do? I whined about the guy who suddenly stopped dating me. And I was asking this boy if he knew why and had the other guy told him, etc., etc. You could say I was venting about the OM.

So, was this cute boy "there for me" as I vented about another guy? No, he didn't hang around to play Dear Abby with me. He politely took me home, and he didn't bother trying to keep the lines of communication open afterwards, either. I think he did exactly what he should have done! I learned a lesson in dating manners that night, and never forgot it. I was being very insensitive and rude to the young man who probably went to a lot of trouble to take me out on a date.

I believe it is extremely inappropriate for a WW to "vent" about her OM to her H! Perhaps I don't how you mean she vents about OM. I just don't think she should be bringing up the OM in conversation, unless you are asking her about him/affair.

[lfm]

Totally agree with you Sandi, and don't plan on participating in any additonal conversations with her about the OM, and have told her as such. Basically that I can no longer be her friend that she goes to vent to. I'll be there if something is going on with the kids, or if something comes up with the house or one of the cars (since we have teenage drivers) otherwise that is all I can be at this point.

As far as your note about not being sure what I mean about her venting, she has basically told me everthing, the good, the bad, the intimate details, all of it. I was definitely falling into the trap of thinking that if I be her friend and listen to what she is saying that she'll see that I am there for her, but that clearly has not worked and I'm ready to move on, so no more discussions about anything having to do with OM.

Thanks!

[lfm]

Journaling - had an interesting weekend. Had a decent evening on Friday night. My wife had asked if we could get dinner and a movie in honor of our Anniversary. I agreed, and it was an enjoyable time. We held hands a bit during the movie, and it felt somewhat normal.

Unfortunately, things fell apart from there. We had a bit of blow up on Saturday, not really ready to talk about that, but ended up with my W sleeping in one of my daughters bedrooms. Then yesterday, she came home from work, and suddenly had to go out to the store. She was gone for a couple of hours, and I snoopped and found she was at OM's house. That part doesn't suprise me, I figured it would happen sooner or later, but after an emotional weekend that made me question my feelings on proceeding to D, that was the last thing I needed to see.

When she got home, I told her that I don't think it's a good idea for us to sleep in the same bed anymore, and I slept on the couch last night. I think I may do that for the rest of this week, and then I travel for work the following week. Planning on staying as dim as possible this week, but may be difficult with school starting, and we have back to school night for our youngest daughter tomorrow night.

Anyway, enough journaling. Everyone have a great week!

[doodler]

lfm,

It sounds like you're making progress. I hope everything is going well for you.

[lfm]

Ugh, having a rough evening emotionally. I've been kind of messed up emotionally since our wedding annivesary on Friday, but today, was going thorugh some receipts, looking for a repair receipt for one of the kids cards and ran across a card from my wife that she gave to me on my last Birthday, which was around the time her EA was getting started, eventually turning into a PA.

Anyway, the card said something to the effect about how she knew I was the one from the time she first saw me. Can't help but ask myself how'd we get to where we are now from a card like that about 6 months ago. Blows my mind at how much things have changed.

My emotions are also telling me that I'm not as dettached as I thought I was, that I'm still holding out hope for a reconcilliation that at this point I don't see happening. Not that anything is ever written in stone, but just doesn't seem possible to get to that point anymore.

Today was also the first day of school for our kids today, and I walked our youngest in as it was her first day in a new school and wanted to make sure she felt comfortable as she often gets overwhelmed when there's a lot of new people around. I couldn't help but think that this may be the last time doing this with our family still somewhat intact. It was hard seeing the other young couples who seemed so happy, knowing that it's been a long time since I've actually felt that way about my W, and her about me.

Anyway... I feel like I'm starting to ramble. Another day to get through tomorrow. Hope everyone is having a good week!

[doodler]

Anyway, the card said something to the effect about how she knew I was the one from the time she first saw me. Can't help but ask myself how'd we get to where we are now from a card like that about 6 months ago. Blows my mind at how much things have changed.

lfm,

It is absolutely amazing how quickly things change as soon as the WW succumbs to the advances of the OM. It was about a year ago when my wife whispered into my right ear, "You're the love of my life." I can still feel her warm breath on my ear.

Now, I won't let her get near my ears because she might go Mike Tyson on me. Oh well.

[lfm]

lmao, I like the Mike Tyson comment doodler. Totally agree on how amazingly fast things completely change from being happy and in love to being completely shut out with no concern of the history that's been shared, the impact it will have on the family, assets we've spent a lifetime acruing, etc.

I guess in the end all I can say is, c'est la vie!

[lfm]

So, update for the group. I spoke with my attorney yesterday and asked him to start preparing the paperwork to file for D. While this is still not necessarily the desired outcome, I have accepted that I cannot proceed with the current situation and who my wife has become.

This certainly doesn't mean the end of my relationship with my WW either, as we do have 5 kids together.

This decision on my part is for myself, it has helped me drop the rope and while I think it will get the attention of my wife, realizing that this is actually happening, my intent is not to get a reaction out of her, it is strictly to allow me to focus more on myself and what the future holds. We still have a long ways to go and a lot to work through in terms of assets, kids, and finding stability post D, but I feel that this is the right thing for me at this point in time.

I'll continue to provide updates, because as we have seen with all of our situations, things can change really quickly. I'm not expecting anything to change any time soon, but maybe some of my experience can benefit some of the rest of you when the time comes.

Thanks!