Hi Cop, I don't know if I could answer that. I'm also aware that although 4 months feels like a long time out of the house, in reality to the timeframe is is quite short. Honestly, I think my W is also having a bit of an identity crisis and is searching for something. I'm not sure she truely knows herself what she is looking for. I have learnt a lot about her as well as myself and I found the book 5 love languages very insightful in this.
I will start experimenting with some things now that I feel stronger in myself and more like my old self. But I needed to work on me first, I feel you need to do the same. Work on yourself first, find your inner strength first then you will be in a better position to deal with the future.
My W was very angry at the beginning as well so pulling away was also to leave her to deal with that herself rather than playing ball. I read a post from Greek (Greek was Coach's W and she left, filed for divorce but they reconciled after Coach was on this board) Think about Tennis, we can bash the ball back n forth in these arguments, what if you decide to not play anymore and just let the ball bounce past. This is something I have been working on majorly because arguments was one of our problems.
I've just been thinking about my wife's family, she has 6 brothers all married with kids etc.
I feel a great loss here too as they treated me as a brother and I became an integrated member of the family, often going out with them and doing things as a large family.
How do I deal with them? They have become distant with me, which is to be expected, do I shut them out, make an effort still?
This bbq I've been invited is a family event, I don't really want to go but people are saying I should go, my W father told me I should go.
What would be best? Go and do it as a family as my wife wants to do things with us all as a family, or leave it?
4 months seems like an eternity right now, but what else do I have but time I suppose, when I think of that though it makes me think that it's time which allows her to get over me and move on, meet someone else etc.
My wife started a new job last year, and has recently been promoted, her older brother left his wife last year also and met a new woman and they are constantly out having fun, cocktails, parties etc my W used to get invited by them a lot too. I think she's had her head turned a bit from that which hasn't helped.
This bbq I've been invited is a family event, I don't really want to go but people are saying I should go, my W father told me I should go.
Cop1,
If it were me, I'd go to the bbq, but I wouldn't use it as an opportunity to pursue your wife. Her family may be a part of your life for a long time because of your children and I think it's a good thing to remain friendly and connected with them.
yeah that's the problem, I still feel as though I need her. I am trying hard to disconnect from her, but its a struggle.
I have to do it.
I think ill go to the bbq, thinking about it is twisting my stomach though, as I would just want it to be like normal with her but I know that I cant be.
If it were me, I'd go to the bbq, but I wouldn't use it as an opportunity to pursue your wife.
Cop1,
That sentence sounds a little funny. I didn't mean that I wouldn't pursue your wife, I meant that you shouldn't pursue your wife. I wouldn't pursue you wife, at least not while she's your wife. That doesn't sound right either. I'm certain I'd want to pursue your wife if your wife wasn't your wife and if I didn't know she'd been your wife. I think I might be digging a deeper hole. I'm still married and you're married too, why did you bring up the whole bbq thing in the first place? Now I'm confused.
I hear people talk of a script that they follow, even my dad mentioned the script over the phone, but couldn't get any more out of him as I had to end the call.
is she following this script?
How many times have people turned this kind of thing around and made their spouse come back?
