I agree with Sandi, unconditional love is for dependants. Every child deserves although does not always get unconditional love. That's not the case for adults, respect is one thing, loving until the pips squeak quite another. Love is a choice, choone to love those worthy of love.
You know men and women are not so different as they are unlike!
It is core values which determine us as quality humans, and in Jim's case they seem pretty good to me. No alpha beta or gamma or chart score can change that. Not at all.
You my lovely are a tier one dad and man. Most OM are tier 3 at best.
Thank you for the lovely posts on my thread.
I may not post as much, please be reassured you and your boys are in my prayers.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Weekend was great. Went to Toronto and met up with friends and met some new ones.
On Sunday I picked up the boys. STBX and MIL were with them. MIL actually said hello to me and finally looked at me but that was all.
Took the boys to S4s godparents house and S7s godfather was there also with his S4. We celebrated my birthday and had a great time.
Yesterday we went to my sister's house and spent all day outside playing. Boys were exhausted by the time we came home.
It was a lovely weekend.
When I spoke with one of my buddies in Toronto who did not know much about my sitch he couldn't believe how well I was handling all of this. He made the comment that I needed a change and I agreed. He also said to not consider him just a friend but family also. Told him we may be neighbors soon in Toronto then when the D is over.
I also mentioned to my BIL that I was thinking of moving, told him all my reasons on how it would be good for the boys to be closer to mom and a new adventure for me while still being the stable one for the boys. He inderstood but did not agree or disagree.
I told him that part of the reason would be to hold STBX accountable for her actions. Boys will want to play sports and have other activities going on. I know for a fact that she will not spend her afternoons and evenings being soccer mom and take them to things but she will have to do those things on her days with them. I am sure she will try and guilt me to take them but since I will have my new life I will continue to DB and ensure she pulls her own weight.
This is a lot of projection on my part so I guess we will see what the future holds.
Psychologist is seeing S6 and S4 this afternoon. Trial date is end of August but I have a feeling there are only a few more ups and downs on this rollercoaster that will be big and then I can get closure and really move on live my life with my boys.
H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6 S-9,8,8,6,4 S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15 EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16 PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16 XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16 Finally moving forward...
I agree with Sandi, unconditional love is for dependants. Every child deserves although does not always get unconditional love. That's not the case for adults, respect is one thing, loving until the pips squeak quite another. Love is a choice, choone to love those worthy of love.
Lady V, Sandi,
I understand what you are saying. Considering the move to Toronto is based off of emotions and the love I have for my boys. Will this change STBX to be a better person/mother, IDK and not for me to be concerned with, the boys will be the judge of her actions. Will this change her to love me more, IDK and I don't care at this point in my life.
Will that action bring her back to me. Not likely. She is now looking for financial stability and leeching on to some OM who will wisk her away to exotic places. This OM is obviously filling an emotional void in her life that I did not give her.
For me, I could not ask for a more greater gift in the future other than having the respect of my sons and having them understand later in their lives that dad did everything he could and more to keep the family together.
My dream, and it is only a dream, with a very small chance of happening is to develop that R with STBX and remarry one day and have a little ceremony with the 7 of us again. This dream will always stay with me in hopes that it will fill that void that the boys will have to carry the rest their lifetime of not having a mother and father living under the same roof.
In the meantime, I will plan out new adventures for me and the boys and enjoy my life whether STBX is there or not.
As one of my friends in Toronto stated, your stock will go up as a man to another female who will appreciate the things you did for your boys if you end up with custody and move up to Toronto for them. He stated that it would be a noble act that many people would respect. Made me feel good and confident about who I am.
I will continue to try and set the bar high for myself to be the greatest dad possible for my family!
Lady V,
Thank you for the compliment. I have spent half my life trying to understand women and how to be a good male friend, boyfriend, husband, but have probably learned the most in the last 7 months. I need to keep my nice guy quality in check and know when to use them while having an alpha male mentality. That balance will attract the woman that I should be with the rest of my life.
H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6 S-9,8,8,6,4 S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15 EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16 PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16 XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16 Finally moving forward...
Hey Jim, Sounds like you had a great weekend! While you're probably right your W's decision to move is emotionally motivated, I think if you do decide to move up there, you have the mindset that seems to be for all the right reasons. You're not doing it to get W back, get a reaction, hope it makes her a better person, etc... you're doing it because it's what's best for the kiddos. If I had to depend on an undependable W to provide the care and support that my little ones need to grow and thrive in life, I would be considering the exact same thing.
I totally agree. Maybe she and I will be friends much later in our lives and she will open up to me what that void really was or maybe I will never know and will continue to work on myself to move past this chapter of my life.
On the road to the D, here is the latest update.
Psychologist met with S6 and S4. S6 said he wanted to live with mom, S4 said dad. Psychologist wanted to speak with me after and asked me what my plans were for the boys and if I thought I could raise them. I said I plan on getting a house and an au pair and part time nanny and have been raising them on my time for the last 7 months.
We also briefly spoke about STBX and the psychologist still does not understand why she wants to move them to Toronto. I continued to tell the psychologist of some other situations and then S4 was not behaving so we decided to have another conversation later this week.
Also updated my L after and my L told me that STBX filed a subpoena to force me to share all information that was submitted to the psychologist. I asked my L isn't that a little contradictory to why we are having this psych eval and L is trying to figure out the best approach to deny the request. It's like my STBX is wanting me to show all my cards without her showing hers.
H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6 S-9,8,8,6,4 S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15 EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16 PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16 XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16 Finally moving forward...
You would think that the conversations that we have with the psychologist are but I think now STBX is going to start fighting dirty did it what you wants.
When I spoke to the psychologist I said that my STBX goes after what she wants and does not care what the collateral damage is and the psychologist agreed.
H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6 S-9,8,8,6,4 S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15 EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16 PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16 XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16 Finally moving forward...
