It's a wonderful loving thing you have done for these boys.
You do not have to fill the role of Mom. You can be dad, and you can define who you want to be as a dad.
Keep doing what you are doing and keep open communication when you and your son are together and keep up with the positive reinforcement.
Exactly what Rose said. the best indication is how he is when he is with you. And if you see nothing out of the normal for him when he is with you, odds are he is just being a 7 year old boy who just focuses on what's in front of him at the time.
Hi, Jim. I'm just stopping by to check on you. Your S7 has plainly had a tough sled in his short years. Hearing that he asks you if he has been behaving breaks my heart.
((((JK and Sons))))
H: 44, Me: 45 Married: 20 y Together: 25 y no kids Walk away: 12/15 Asked for temp separation 12/25/15 PA confirmed 3/16 (apparently neither the first, nor the last PA he has had) H filed for D 5/16
I He constantly asks if he has been behaving well with both of us. It breaks my heart every time he asks that question. I make sure I touch him and hold him daily. That goes for all of them.
That makes me wonder if he is afraid he will be sent away. I would probably reassure him that you are always going to be his parents and he will live with you until he is an adult, even if he doesn't behave well.
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
This is what hurts me more than W and I going through D. The fact that the boys already did not have families and now they will be part of another broken home.
I have reassured the boys in the past that they will have visits with both mom and dad.
I also do not want them going back and forth between two cities at such a young age which is why I am still considering moving there after the D.
I want them to have as much of a normal life as possible. I just hope that if/when I do move there that I can handle the fact that I would possibly some day see my STBX with an OM. That will be a tough pill to swallow. Even though I know she is with someone else, actually seeing her with an OM I feel will be much worse for me.
H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6 S-9,8,8,6,4 S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15 EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16 PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16 XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16 Finally moving forward...
Last night I finished the audio version of "The Rationale Male". I have never read such a raw and brutally honest book about men and women. I learned quite a bit on where I placed myself as an AFC in the SMP when STBX and I were together and how I let myself become less than an alpha in STBXs eyes. This drove her to search for someone else to meet her emotional needs.
Although STBX is in her mid 30s her looks still rank her high when it comes to her SMV (sexual market value). Her OM may not be as handsome as me but his position where he works fills her greatest need now (ie; social status and possible financial security if they end up in a long term relationship).
The fact that this book opened my eyes to how difficult life is and how disposable men are in this day and age saddens me but has also helped me accept my situation. It has also helped me realize that I need to continue to improve myself morsel on a physical level and also mentally with respect to any future R I have.
I never realized that women act on emotional needs more than logic.
Reading this book and MWDs has given me a lot to think about how to balance my life. The one thing the RM book does not discuss is morality. It is clear to ke that and today's society it is more acceptable to D and take the easy way out then to work on an M.
One thing I have learned is that the nice guy traits have no place in an M. I hope to teach my boys how to be good men, to respect women, and to love unconditionally no matter what the outcome.
I am sure my actions will be too late to save the M. As my w has stated in the past maybe we will remarry in two to three years. Those are only words that she said in the past but maybe our combined actions will bring us back together someday.
H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6 S-9,8,8,6,4 S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15 EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16 PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16 XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16 Finally moving forward...
One thing I have learned is that the nice guy traits have no place in an M. I hope to teach my boys how to be good men, to respect women, and to love unconditionally no matter what the outcome.
I don't know that we should teach to love unconditionally in a romantic relationship. Otherwise, the man will be the nice-guy type who settles living with his WW treating him like cr@p. The same goes for women who stay in abusive relationships. That's just MHO.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Sandi, I think you can love unconditionally without accepting poor behavior or being a doormat. I love my H unconditionally, but it doesn't mean I put up with secrets and lies, yelling and other unloving behavior.
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
I would never be the doormat to anyone again. If there is no respect for me as a man or even at least as a person then there will be NC with STBX. That is part of the reason I am here. I am the only one that stands up to her.
H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6 S-9,8,8,6,4 S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15 EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16 PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16 XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16 Finally moving forward...
