My wife walked out 2

[cbtdad]

Don't send her any pictures! If she is on Facebook and get see your pictures then fine. But you don't need to cater to what she asks for. Also don't post a bunch of stuff on Facebook, like pictures and quotes, trying to get her attention. Trust me she will see right through that.
No reason to tell her what to do on Sunday. Think about what you just said
Reread that last paragraph a few times and think about why that is so wrong

RSG i live in Atl as well. Don't make me come hunt you down. Lol

[RSG]

Haha. We should hangout lol.
I won't send pics, and yeah she sees my stuff on Facebook. I have posted a few motivational things, but they aren't strategic or anything. Just positive things for me.

As for Sunday, I should've noted that she has to setup for camp next week and won't be getting S until later so she'll just take him to her place.

[RSG]

Well, after reading some of the other threads on here and going back to Sandi's threads.....it appears I was temp checked. So, that's what it's like. NOTED. Crocodile tears and gibberish won't be a surprise to me anymore.

Good news: I've made mistakes all my life. 99 times out of 100 I never make the same mistake twice.

Thanks cbtdad, and everyone else checking on me. I think I'm back on track. Not initiating communication, enjoying my boy, going out when he's gone, and getting back to it.

[RSG]

Today was great!! We went to Monkey Joe's and did the inflatables for about an hour and a half, then to WalMart because Daddy didn't have any milk left!! She called while we were at MJ, wanting to talk with him. I texted her we were having fun and I'd post the pictures to Facebook later, she said ok "tell him I say hello."

Around 3 she texted to ask where the pics were because they weren't up. I had put S to nap late, ate lunch, fed and walked dog. She asked me to "tag" her so they'd show up on her page, but I didn't. I texted her one picture and said it and a few more would be on FB soon. It took her north of an hour to acknowledge them.

After he woke up from nap, I let him do a little iPad and we went to the pool. He had a blast. We were able to survive Atlanta's 98 degrees, and had fun doing it. She facetimed around 7:30 to say goodnight and S had little interest as he was watching Bubble guppies. She seemed disappointed, but I just said we'll see you tomorrow.

Bedtime was a great ending. Little guy was in his routine, and a couple minutes before he got on his tummy to go to sleep he was talking about submarines. His Papa has taught him some Beatles tunes, so I put on Yellow Submarine and sang along for him. He had such a smile on his face, giggled and loved on me. Then he had to go potty again, and kept saying how much he loved Mommy and Daddy. Such a sweet boy.

A great day full of smiles and fun! I didn't initiate any contact, was civil when she did contact and loved all over my S. That's what I need to do everyday. One of my best days!!

[J5K]

I am glad you had an awesome day RSG!

[RSG]

Thanks Jim, it really was fun!!

Interesting morning. WW called to say she was headed to Costco to get my Father's Day present, and to Target to get a couple things. She talked to me for more than 20 minutes, that's more than we've spoken at one time since she left. Nothing heavy, just stuff about S, what's going on at her job and the like. She said thank you for "being normal" and talking to me (all I did was validate of course). I said sure (trying to be the lighthouse). Weird part: She said I don't feel like I have any friends, don't really have anyone to talk to.

When she arrived we were pleasant, and got things ready for S. She's taking him to the lake today, and bought two rash guards w/a giftcard she got at preschool. One for me and one for her, because the one we've been sharing barely fits him. She asked if I like the present, and I said yes I do thank you. In fact, I love it and it causes me to well up. A mouse pad with a great picture of S and I that I took a few weeks ago that'll be great for work, and a coffee mug with S and I from a picture she took a couple years ago.

Such a roller coaster. This is like the woman I married. Sweet, thoughtful, talkative, fun with a little pottymouth thrown in. I was pleasant but not overly excited or anything, closer to Sandi's recommendation of "no emotion" actually. I hated seeing S go, but didn't let on about anything. I've got errands to run and things to take care of at home today, tomorrow I'm going to see my buddy at O'Charleys and I may go do something Tuesday.

No contact. GAL. Time for me. I slipped up, but I'm back to doing what I need to. No expectations. Today, not a week, 6 weeks, 6 mos from now. Today. Don't believe her words, don't get trapped in an R talk, don't read into things. Just go with the flow and take one day at a time. *exhales deeply*

[RSG]

Well, Sunday was tough without my sweet little boy. Took care of some stuff Sunday, my folks said they're going to come over on July 4th to celebrate my birthday (it's on the 9th, I'd be picking S up from them that day. When I arrive to pick him up, he wants to go HOME IMMEDIATELY! lol)

I didn't initiate any texting with her Sunday, but she sent a lot. Pictures, telling me what they did all afternoon, etc. I basically just said "He's having a great day" about 19 different ways. She called me at 8 to Facetime and say goodnight.

This AM, I was running late. She wanted to Facetime around 7, but I asked if we could 10 minutes later as I was running late. She said "of course." I talked to S, WW didn't say much. She mentioned how well he did at therapy today, and we talked about how much more we want to do as it's his last week. We've come to a handshake agreement that costs will be split 60/40, and that's still really expensive for her.

Trying to decide about boundaries and consequences. Cutting off all non-essential S communication should be related to some major boundary, like maintaining contact w/OP. I've decided ugliness will cut all communication for the rest of that day. I honestly have a hard time thinking of a lot of boundaries. Could anyone note something they do?

[Coconut]

RSG, it sounds like your doing great with your son, and he sees the lighthouse light your putting out, and knows where home is.

As for WW, no non-essential contact doesn't need to be a major boundary, it just needs to be. Tell your WW that your not interested in her being part of the family as long as she is having an A, and you will update her with goings on when you deem appropriate.

It may cause her to decide to give you fewer updates, but that's a consequence you may have to live with for the time being, you can always work out another deal if D happens. But for now, she is M to you, and an A is a deal breaker.

[RSG]

RSG, it sounds like your doing great with your son, and he sees the lighthouse light your putting out, and knows where home is.

As for WW, no non-essential contact doesn't need to be a major boundary, it just needs to be. Tell your WW that your not interested in her being part of the family as long as she is having an A, and you will update her with goings on when you deem appropriate.

It may cause her to decide to give you fewer updates, but that's a consequence you may have to live with for the time being, you can always work out another deal if D happens. But for now, she is M to you, and an A is a deal breaker.

I agree with this.

Yeah, S and I are bonding extremely well and having such fun when he's home.

[RSG]

Seismic activity today, that cooled down a little.

Normal start with Facetime around 7, S doing well but WW had a headache. Around 11 I get a text "I think S needs to go to new school early, I'll send you email." A little later it comes through. She's mapped out all of July. Week 1, as agreed he'd be with my parents. Week 2, she wants him at new camp. Week 3, she wants to take him to her parents. Week 4 new camp.

I agree to Week 4, as it's a perfect time to get him acclimated to the new school, get used to the kids, routine, etc. For S to learn academically and grow socially, routine is an absolute must. Week 2? I think it's unnecessary as it's the last week of her camp and I think she can tough out 5 more days. He's not going to benefit much, as he'll lose the routine due to not going back until week 4. And it'll cost $245. Week 3? Unacceptable (but I'm diplomatic). I say I'll take off Th and F, and watch him those days. She wants to split tuition costs 60/40, I think as school is the most important thing for a preschooler, that should always be 50/50.

Her response? "K. Wow thanks a lot." Me "I thought I was pretty reasonable." "K" "What don't you like?" "I think we can both acknowledge this is over. It's fine, I'll make it work." "You already told me you have no interest in me and don't care to make an effort. "OK, I got it. I'll make it work, I'm working hard for extra money and it's hard with S at work." "We can work together, neither you nor I have the time to discuss this properly right now." It went on a little longer, but that's the gist of it.

I offer her to stop by and discuss. Refused. I call the camp and figure out how much it costs. $245/week. I say we'll split costs on camp weeks (I pay for one she pays for one), and even though I don't like it for S I'll agree because I'm sympathetic to her job. I'm not budging a bit on the week she wants to go to Alabama or tuition costs. She eventually calls, and it boils down to.....cost. She's getting hit over the head with the fact that this kid's freaking expensive plus new realities of living on your own (she's planning on getting an apartment later which will be more expensive, moving out of the room she's renting). I've always handled the family bills, and asked her to contribute what she could. But that was as H/W, being Separated I expect her to contribute to each major cost.

I think I did pretty well. She threatened me with divorce, got ugly, was unreasonable and I didn't respond in anger nor was I unreasonable. I felt I was delivered a list of demands to sign off on, and she got pissed because her H hasn't stood firm in a while. I think she felt the D threat would cause me to cave, and it didn't. She wanted everything, and for me to pay for it all. It boils down to 2 things, one big one small. Small one, we agreed to come to a consensus about major decisions re S. This felt like a list of demands pure and simple. Big one, again wanting me to be a H and take care of finances, let her do mostly what she wants, but not to be a W in any way, shape or form.

I think she was surprised I showed a little backbone. Some of you may say agreeing to let S go to camp is caving, but I'd argue it was a compromise. He can go, but you need to pay. She gets angry whenever I mention $$, but I know it's because she knows she doesn't have it and what's worse is I know she doesn't have it.