If she wants to split the business, my lawyer will ask the judge to give me 100% of the business as a "lump sum alimony". My wife is in a midlife crisis, I am 100% sure about it because she changed overnight. It's like her body is being controlled by an alien, she has a smirk on her face and her eyes look very cold, they are called "shark eyes".
If she wants to split the business, my lawyer will ask the judge to give me 100% of the business as a "lump sum alimony". My wife is in a midlife crisis, I am 100% sure about it because she changed overnight. It's like her body is being controlled by an alien, she has a smirk on her face and her eyes look very cold, they are called "shark eyes".
If she wants to split the business, my lawyer will ask the judge to give me 100% of the business as a "lump sum alimony". My wife is in a midlife crisis, I am 100% sure about it because she changed overnight. It's like her body is being controlled by an alien, she has a smirk on her face and her eyes look very cold, they are called "shark eyes".
It's like her body is being controlled by an alien, she has a smirk on her face and her eyes look very cold, they are called "shark eyes".
I know that look lol! I remember everytime I saw my wife before, it looked like she either wanted to kill me, or cry or both. Now that she seems to have relaxed around me I don't see that look anymore.
Me-45, W-37, T-10 yrs, M-9 yrs D -7 yrs, S-5 yrs BD-5/3/16, D filed 6/8/16
A midlife crisis is a roller coaster ride. Sometimes it looks like things are getting better and all of a sudden they get worse. One important thing that I remind myself every day is that it can last between 2 and 5 years so I am not pursuing her in any way. I could be calling relatives, send long letters to her lawyer, etc....but I don't do any of that, I am totally ignoring her and sending the message that I DON'T NEED HER. On the other hand I keep repeating the children that she is a great person, that I love her and that I will wait for her by not looking for other women. That's what my midlife crisis expert told me to do.
I think I’m having some sort of breakdown, it is not pretty. Overwhelmed I think by being back in my old house again. Everyone is gone - W and kids are off visiting the in laws for a week. I’m alone - my brothers ask me to go out with them for lunch, I decline. I meant to work out, be productive - maybe get some work done over the weekend. I’ve done nothing of the sort, just lain in bed, ordering food. Watching movies and surfing the worst possible stuff on the internet - not porn, but reading my old blog from the early days of our marriage. This just crushes me, the contrast between now and then. How did two people so in love com etc this? I realize the change in my attitude, how focused I was on the marriage, and doing the right thing - how became apathetic in the past six months. It gets even worse. I start browsing a dating website - I actually connect with a very nice woman and we chat online and eventually talk on the phone for 12 hours. I think she is really smitten by me. I even talk with her about my D, and she has been through D before and tries to give me advice and support. In the end she realizes she is smitten by me - but in no way am I ready to date. She tells me that she wants to keep talking to me but maybe she should wait til I’m in a better frame of mind before we meet. She is nice to me. Talking to a nice woman at least takes my mind off my pain. I’m in a really bad state.
Things just seem so bleak. Like there is no hope and I am just just swept along as the legal process continues - and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. Certainly I can’t contact my W at this point, all I can do is NC and try to be cool around her and the kids - but I guess everything has taken a toll on me at this point. I just want to call her and ask her - please can we just slow things down, can we take a break from this legal stuff for one week? Can we just sit down and talk about she is pushing so hard for this, shouldn’t we at least try MC before we push this legal stuff through? Everything she’s put me through. I have made some mistakes, but I have tried to make it right and work on my self - don’t I deserve at least the opportunity to speak to her heart to heart about this? I don’t even get the opportunity to do that. And it’s not so bad that we have to push this legal stuff through so fast.I haven’t showered in two days. I order really unhealthy food. I’m just drinking coffee, surfing around on my laptop - all of the worst stuff on the internet right now, nothing that will help me maintain a PMA - just depressing stuff that makes me feel worse and reinforces my sense of grief. Only good thing I did all weekend was attend 3 12 step meetings over the phone. I keep turning everything over in my mind, the mistakes, my inability to communicate with her right now when I most need to. The gdamn kids. I’m going to take a shower and go to my brothers to watch Game of Thrones. Then I’ll sleep and deal with my life tomorrow. Right now everything is too much, I can’t take it anymore.
Me-45, W-37, T-10 yrs, M-9 yrs D -7 yrs, S-5 yrs BD-5/3/16, D filed 6/8/16
I know exactly how you feel, I have been like that for 6 months now and I know it's the worst thing in the world. Death is nothing compared to divorce, the pain is so much bigger. Having said that, you need to get stronger, a lot stronger. I am exercising constantly, going for very long walks, and avoid anything that has to do with sex, no porn, no masturbation, no dating. I had a Tinder account and I deleted it to avoid dating. I am using chatroulette dot com often to talk about new people online but they usually live all over the world so it's impossible to meet them in person which is good. A girl in London calls me sometimes and I tell her everything about the divorce and I tell her that I will never have another woman, that I will simply wait for my wife to come back, she keeps calling me all the time. The legal stuff..... If you can agree to have shared legal and physical custody 50/50 and preserve the assets, the house and the business for the sake of the kids without liquidating them, you will be fine. Living apart from your spouse will be good, you can both have space, decorate the way you want, have your room temperature, have your bed all for yourself, maintain your mental health, meditate, eat what you want whenever you want, etc....and if you start dating your wife someday again it will be fun and exciting, the spark will be there again. Just be patient for now and don't give up. Hugs, Claudio
If you can agree to have shared legal and physical custody 50/50 and preserve the assets, the house and the business for the sake of the kids without liquidating them, you will be fine.
She is pushing to liquidate all the assets now, even before mediation. Even this will be difficult for me. This is a nightmare.
Me-45, W-37, T-10 yrs, M-9 yrs D -7 yrs, S-5 yrs BD-5/3/16, D filed 6/8/16
Living apart from your spouse will be good, you can both have space, decorate the way you want, have your room temperature, have your bed all for yourself, maintain your mental health, meditate, eat what you want whenever you want, etc....and if you start dating your wife someday again it will be fun and exciting, the spark will be there again.
You mean - trying to date her after the D is finalized? Oh god - when the D is finalized I will be done. I won't have enough emotional energy to try to change her mind. I think at that point I will just be trying to preserve my sanity. I'm really losing it man.
Me-45, W-37, T-10 yrs, M-9 yrs D -7 yrs, S-5 yrs BD-5/3/16, D filed 6/8/16
Separation of assets usually happens at the end of the divorce and since you have small kids, don't you have to wait at least 6 months until the divorce is finalized in your state?
