Quote: He is struggling with this fact and trying to keep it un-emotional. It sounds like he is failing at this endeavor, though, so keep up your good work!
Oh God, Honey, I so hope you are right with this one. I feel in my heart like it can only be a matter of time and patience before he does have to admit feelings for me again.
I don't mean to hijack, but I have a question for the ladies out there, if I may:
My wife was reading an article the other day about the symptoms associated with hypothyroid (that's low thyroid for us mere mortals). Many of the symptoms seem to describe her (by her own admission) - fatigue, aches and pains, low sex drive, depression. Do any of you have any first or second hand knowledge of this, and might it explain at least some of my wife's feelings about how sh**ty her life in general is?
Ladies, as hard to believe as it might, I DO ACTUALLY WORK!! But right now I'm between appointments so the doctor is in!! Or can I be The Love Pirate
debcb asked :
Quote: Sometimes though, it is "just sex"; what makes the difference for a guy from wanting one or the other??????
Recreation, and of course it feels good. I can’t believe you ladies just want sex only for the emotional connection. There is a mental bonding that happenes even with quickies. Intercourse and foreplay make me feel alive and young. It feeds the desire all men have to be needed and wanted. This is such an intimate acceptance of a man.
Quote: Sometimes sex is more intense yet also more intimate, more of a ML experience, after some of our heated discussions....day before valentines and last Thursday night come to mind....Why would this be?
I call this the ‘After fight sex rush.’ The adrenaline is pumping for the fight or flight reflex, and just intensifies things. The release of the pent up frustration/anger plus the reward of sex and bonding heighten my orgasms.
Quote: Something else I wonder about: within the last 2 months, H is just absolutely "wiped out" after ML (but not so much after "just sex")....he will even say "I can hardly move"....sometimes he will actually drift off to sleep while he's holding me....I don't remember him being like this before, except I think maybe when we were 1st married. causes this? is it something emotional, or is there a physical difference, or a combination, or just "old age"?
There is a physical release of hormones which I think are serotonin / melatonin, but I don’t remember for sure which send us into a VERY relaxed state. I would take this as the best compliment.
Quote: The buildup of fluids in a man's prostate actually is uncomfortable and a man feels the drive to release. This is one reason why they masturbate, as a physical release.
While this is partly true, the body has a way of releasing seminal fluids without coaxing. This is what wet dreams are, an ejaculation caused by a dream. Also certain medications will cause them and I found (unfortunately forced to find out ) sometimes after long periods of no sexual activity, with or without W, I will ejaculate after urination without prompting.
The specific term you’re referring to is blue balls. Without a release of the seminal fluid, the testicles will grow enlarged and become VERY sensitive. This happened to me more when I was younger, after heavy petting with girlfriends etc., when I was trying to control the amount of masturbating I would do.
My wife used to think when we first got married that every time I had an erection, we’d have to have sex otherwise it would not go down. If that were true, I’d have never made it through junior high. I’d get an erection if the wind would blow the right way.
My wife used to think when we first got married that every time I had an erection, we’d have to have sex otherwise it would not go down. If that were true, I’d have never made it through junior high. I’d get an erection if the wind would blow the right way.
This is so funny. Growing up in a family full of boys, I know that certain ways that their boxers would move would get them aroused. Literally, it can be as easy as that.
Wouldn't go down. LOL. And you corrected her? Seems to me you should have let that myth lie, as it were. LOLOL
Rotzilla I wanted to first say thanks for stopping by my thread and I need all the help and insights I can get right now. I'm dealing with one confusing W!
Imagine my surprise to come to your thread and see this vibrant discussion going on! Growing more vibrant by each post.
I agree with everyone about ML, continue to do it if it is even just sex to you or feels that way. He may be thinking differently, it may mean more to him.
As for looking into the eyes, that is very intense, maybe he isn't ready for it yet? It is still intimidating for me. Hard for me to really relax. Has he always done this with you?
As for the cuddling, stroking, fondling, caressing type stuff has he always done this with you? Both of these questions apply not only has he done this before in your M but always done them each time ML?
I'll say from this man's perspective that my W didn't know how much I love her. She had the same concerns about sex without ever telling me about them in a straightforward manner. She is poor at communication for fear of getting hurt. Not only until now do I realize what she was saying to me then.
The mere act of ML or sex is a loving gesture to me. Giving of oneself to another. Especially given the context of the act, meaning your histories together. Everytime I felt we were ML, she might have needed more attention prior and after. I think my W is beautiful, but I really think from behind she is a work or art. From that I mean her neck, shoulders, back, waist, hips everything. Problem with this is she felt I didn't want to look at her, maybe she felt this was just sex to me. I guess my point is what he is feeling may not be what you think he is feeling.
One thing before I forget, is ML his primary LL? I always used to think it was mine but I think it is WOA now. ML is still very important to me, but not everything.
Seattle, thanks for the questions. No, he always opened his eyes and touched me -pre-bomb. I can say we've come a long way because for months, we did not ML at all, or touch at all. He's coming around, warming, but it frustrates me that we have been ML for months now, and he still hasn't shown any signs of coming around to being more intimate during the act.
ML is not his primary LL. PT is up there, but he is LD, so ML is not all that important. Actually, better said, it was always important to him, but not as often as it is to me. I believe his primary is AofS and QT.
Well, my thread finally got locked out. 205 posts, not bad. But I knew I was a goner soon.
So, getting back to my last "insight" (if you can really call it that.) Here is the post from the old thread.
Hey all, I think I just hit upon something major. While driving back from getting my lunch, I remembered that when I first started DBing, when H would come home, the dogs go to meet him at the door with wags and bounces and smiley faces. I would join them and yell "Daddy's home, daddy's home" and throw myself into his arms. These were the days of major baby steps.
One day, he had had a bad day and didn't respond well. I didn't do it the next day. I began to look for other things to do. When he came home, I would be busy. I began to distance. I may have met him cautiously at the door and waited for him to hug me first, or not met him at all.
What a difference, huh? From his perspective, a HUGE difference.
So, I changed to being more cautious, then he seemed to stop growing closer to me. I took his distance as him not feeling for me and didn't connect it to my actions. I tried to distance more and began to look into his every move more (analyzing).
So, last night I tested my theory. However, he came home and it was SS14's bday. I ran to the livingroom, but he was already hugging his S. OK, good, he did the old birthday spanking, etc. Then went to the kitchen to say hello to dogs. Completely missing me. Sigh, that didn't go well. But, that's OK. I have been not meeting him at the door for a few weeks, so he may have been putting up a wall.
Finally, I said, "Hey, I didn't get a hug!" He brightened visibly, smiled wide, and gave me the hugest (is that a word?) hug ever. Picked me off the floor, swung me around, and just gave off tons of joy. I was so happy. YAY! This may actually work.
Tonight, I will meet him at the door with huge PMA and hugs waiting.
Come on more baby steps! I'm counting on you.
We went out for his S's bday dinner last night and got home pretty late. Watched our favorite show-South Park-and then went to bed. Great night. Lots of laughter, snuggling in bed, and woke up and ML. Threw out a few Monty Python lines in bed before getting up - those always make H smile and start off his day well. "My hovercraft is full of eels." "Would you like to go back to my place, bouncy bouncy?" LOL
So, he started his day off well. Got no eye contact during ML, but I did get him to touch me. That's something at least. Three hugs before he left, and he seemed really happy.
Then, a babystep! YAY!
I had mentioned a few weeks ago to H that I knew he turned on his cell phone after he left the house because his FF/OW called him and left him voice mails sometimes. Today, as he was leaving, I saw a hesitation in his step and he backed up a step. Standing in the doorway of the bedroom where I was, he reached down and turned on his phone. Didn't make it obvious, but he did it. He hung out in the doorway for a moment, and then went to the livingroom. I couldn't help it, I had to go give him another hug.
He is trying so hard to let me know that he's trying. He texts me on my phone when he stays late and sends me pictures of himself at work, so I know where he is. Subtle things that I may have missed before reading DR. Thanks Michele for opening my eyes.
Hi Rotz, just stopping by your new digs. I am so envious of your babysteps and your H's investment in helping to reassure you. that is so great....maybe someday for me, I wish. I may have to come over here and hi jack your thread for a sex question answer soon!!!
Hi Rotz, just stopping by your new digs. I am so envious of your babysteps and your H's investment in helping to reassure you. that is so great....maybe someday for me, I wish. I may have to come over here and hi jack your thread for a sex question answer soon!!!
I feel in my heart like it can only be a matter of time and patience before he does have to admit feelings for me again. 
But right now I'm between appointments so the doctor is in!! 
Or can I be The Love Pirate 
) sometimes after long periods of no sexual activity, with or without W, I will ejaculate after urination without prompting.