Best wishes mate. It can't be easy. Once ye iron out some teething issues and you show you are not her puppet, things may settle into a workable routine.
Keep an eye on how much anger or resentment you let be seen. Better still work towards not feeling it. Either work through it or change your thinking.Not easy but you will feel better
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
The best thing I can think of is to take the kids to something so amazing that she will feel left out. I need ideas.
Heres an idea, read over that and think about your motives. Is that really the man you want to be? Only doing amazing things with your kids in spite of your ex? I get your mad and likely just blowing off steam but don't even go down that road.
Shift your focus to you and the kids and stop getting angry over YOUR expectations over what she should be doing. Stop looking at this as a temporary separation, people don't buy new houses during a separation. Its just a stepping stone to divorce and while theres always hope things could turn around you need to accept the reality of the situation so you can move forward and grow right now.
And to clarify, that doesn't mean you go file out of spite first, or start a new relationship that you aren't ready for, or become an [censored] to her for no reason. Grow as an individual and become the man you want to be.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
I drove for an hour to the lawyers and an hour back from the lawyers to pick up my check for the closeing of the house.
So that is what my MR boils down to a check at the end.
But it doesn't end, there were bills that still have to come in like utilities ect that W and I need to pay.
I picked up kids and fed them and took them to soccer. W met us there.
We sat together but hardly talked. She did more talking to strangers there then to me.
We exchanged info for putting the van in my name, and she gave me the kids Ipads. That was bout it.
I put the kids to bed then texted her about what the lawyer said about us working together to pay out the last joint bills. At the end I texted talk to you later, she texted good night.
In the morning the babysitter showed up to look after the kids and take them to school.
Still trying to get an organizer into the house to help unpack. Also have to start changing over my address for everything.
that is it for now.
Me late 30's W mid 30's T 15, M 10 S4, S7 ILYBNILWY June 2015 In house S July 2015 W rings off Oct 2015 My ring off Feb 2015 Separate houses June 2016
Yes good advice, about getting angry and holding resentment. This is difficult to shift the thoughts as now I don't see her or interact. I feel what ever connection there was it is gone, replaced with an anger as everything I do is a reminder that she left me.
Hey Fogg,
I get what you are saying. It is not a good frame of mind to be in. Yes I have been thinking its temporary. That there is a silver lining. I am ignoring the reality. Its amazing how the mind works to protect itself from pain.
I will try to focus on me. I am finding that I am wanting to find someone to replace W to fill in the gap she has left.
This is all helpful right now. I don't want to use energy thinking about her.
I can see where I need to step up is getting things done. My kids rooms need to still be set up and painted, mattresses bought, need bike helmets, clothes organized. the list is long.
Me late 30's W mid 30's T 15, M 10 S4, S7 ILYBNILWY June 2015 In house S July 2015 W rings off Oct 2015 My ring off Feb 2015 Separate houses June 2016
M 10yrs T 13yrs BD #1Oct 2015-PA between WAH and COW BD #2 April 2016-WH resumed PA, she broke it off Jan 2 2017 WH says he wants divorce April '17-Letting go 2018 D busted DD8, DS6, DS3
Email about kids care in summer and about youngest acting up at school.
So I just replied to all of it.
Yesterday when I replied I put in that the kids want to take her out for dinner on her birthday. She said she would like to go out for dinner on her birthday.
It has been tough looking after the kids, I can see why W was not interested in sex most times, the mind is thinking about all the stuff that has to get done for the kids. But it must get easier when routine sets in.
I am finding the groove though so that is good. Kids have been great. They are dressing themselves in the morning now as I set out the clothes the night before.
The are eating at the breakfast bar and not in front of the TV like they did at the old place. Makes it easier to clean.
Meals are going well, I am using the BBQ, cooking the meat before I pick them up from school. They are eating what I make.
I have one more night with them tonight then they go to their moms in the morning.
They are off school today and the inlaws are looking after them. I have to pick them up from W house where inlaws are looking after them. Then it will be an boys night. Taking them to get helmets.
Me late 30's W mid 30's T 15, M 10 S4, S7 ILYBNILWY June 2015 In house S July 2015 W rings off Oct 2015 My ring off Feb 2015 Separate houses June 2016
I am trying to glean what I can off of some of you that are already solo with WAW/H and gong thru this as I will be in the same boat shortly
What type of custody schedule are you on if you don't mind me asking?
_________________________ Me-48 Spouse-WAW 52 Married for 10 years D7 ILYBNILWY 7/15 Suspect EA/PA 12/15 No confirmation/denial She files 1/2016 Working towards the Big D ...still in progress....
