...the start of something: papers?

[cbtdad]

Nice!! Enjoy the bike!
Good times for sure

[PacLove]

That is a great attitude to have regarding to that.
Keep it up!

I haven't snooped in over a week and it's been 100x more peaceful for me.

Cbt, I know you struggle with this, so if it makes you feel any better... the "day I stopped snooping", was also the day I threw my mountain bike in my truck, and went from place to place riding around where I thought she may be hanging out with OM... so, ummm, I'm not the best either. but, it was that night, that I decided to stop snooping. We all struggle with it, I guess you could say that was my rock bottom... i realized, 'this just isnt' right'... <sadface>, but betterm has come out aheaad since then!

not snooping definitely makes things a lot more peaceful... the curiosity is still there daily however and that's the toughest to get rid of "not knowing". So here here to stop snooping!!

I've pretty much stopped all snooping to confirm OM presence, but there are other little things that still get me (ie seeing her presence on IM, or FB, or what she's watching on Streaming video) these are hard to avoid though unless I disconnect from her on IM/FB and stop sharing our streaming accounts with her.

[betterm]

but there are other little things that still get me (ie seeing her presence on IM, or FB, or what she's watching on Streaming video) these are hard to avoid though unless I disconnect from her on IM/FB and stop sharing our streaming accounts with her.

Like I said before, I don't have facebook, I hate facebook actually. I don't do 'social media', and this forum is the closest I've been to 'social media' since BBS (do you all know what that is?)

I do know that FB has an "unfollow" option that allows peoples post to NOT show up in your timeline, but doesn't cause you to 'unfriend' them, or whatever it's called. you might want to look into this.

As for the streaming stuff, Won't they let you setup different users on the accounts? Like user1 = "iStandAlone", and user2 = "CrazyPsychoWoman" ? At least that way you can set each device to log into your account only and you won't see all the stupid crap like bachelorette recommendations

[betterm]

I was talking to a friend of mine who's recently recovered his relationship from some pretty serious damage (2 PA's, lots of MC/IC etc).

He was saying that my W's activity, her actions right now, are very similar to what he was dealing with. WW was saying she wants him out of the house, wants separation, etc.

But once she got into IC/MC, it was discovered she didn't REALLY want those things, but what she REALLY wanted, was for him, the LBS, to show her that he's committed, that he's serious about making the relationship work for the future, that she can trust him to protect her heart

I said, yeah, that's all fine and great for you and your crazy wife, and I wish it was that easy, but it's just not happening right now.

When she showed up last night to "just say hi", my emotions did tell me that "HEY THIS IS YOUR WINDOW OF OPPORTUNITY TO PROVE YOURSELF TO HER"... And, I don't know how in the world I didn't jump all over that change to "prove myself", but I think I'm glad I didn't. I know I've already posted about this, but I have ran that scenario through my head a hundred times today, analyzing what happened, why it happened, why she showed up at all, and how i could've handled it better...

...because still, right now, I feel like I missed an opportunity. I hope I'm just overthinking things again. Needs to stop.

[cbtdad]

You didn't miss an opportunity. You gave yourself time to let your emotions play out of it. The 72 hour window is a very good thing for you right now. She will give you another opportunity to discuss it if that's what she was doing there. Don't overthink the 72 hour window
Process your emotions

[PacLove]

When she showed up last night to "just say hi", my emotions did tell me that "HEY THIS IS YOUR WINDOW OF OPPORTUNITY TO PROVE YOURSELF TO HER"... And, I don't know how in the world I didn't jump all over that change to "prove myself", but I think I'm glad I didn't. I know I've already posted about this, but I have ran that scenario through my head a hundred times today, analyzing what happened, why it happened, why she showed up at all, and how i could've handled it better...

...because still, right now, I feel like I missed an opportunity. I hope I'm just overthinking things again. Needs to stop.

betterm - I struggle with this exact same question every time she opens the door... do I let her in or not. It's perhaps the one concept in DB that I struggle with the most. I not text/email, GAL, do my own thing, but when she engages - it is an opportunity in my mind to show her that I do respect her and do love her and can be there for her (which have been some of the marital issues).

I think this is where the "validation" part comes in, if they reach out and talk you can validate, but don't necessarily initiate - which is what I've been trying hard to do.

Did your friend state how they reconciled? I think as long as an OM is in the picture its very tough - their mind is somewhere else.

[PacLove]

but there are other little things that still get me (ie seeing her presence on IM, or FB, or what she's watching on Streaming video) these are hard to avoid though unless I disconnect from her on IM/FB and stop sharing our streaming accounts with her.

Like I said before, I don't have facebook, I hate facebook actually. I don't do 'social media', and this forum is the closest I've been to 'social media' since BBS (do you all know what that is?)

I do know that FB has an "unfollow" option that allows peoples post to NOT show up in your timeline, but doesn't cause you to 'unfriend' them, or whatever it's called. you might want to look into this.

As for the streaming stuff, Won't they let you setup different users on the accounts? Like user1 = "iStandAlone", and user2 = "CrazyPsychoWoman" ? At least that way you can set each device to log into your account only and you won't see all the stupid crap like bachelorette recommendations

Ahh the good old days of BBS and 2400 baud modems ;-) yeah she doesn't post much - it's more when I see her "liking" posts by me, family or friends. for Video yeah NF has a profile feature but the other big one doesn't and it shows history back more than a year if you look for it!

[doodler]

Ahh the good old days of BBS and 2400 baud modems.

The poor-mouthing starts: My first modem was 1200 baud. I used it to connect to the university's mainframe so I could do my statistics homework using MiniTab. I also had a CompuServe account. And, of course, I downloaded tons of crappy software from BBSs. Them was the days...

[betterm]

W continues to text me about "money stuff" to try and get a response. I'm waiting things out and don't plan on responding to anything in regards to this kind of crap. It's "trust" related crap, "where are you getting the money for XYZ? I don't see any transactions from our joint checking"... someone silence her please...

I'm just hoping I don't get any more surprise late night visits until I can fully wrap my head around this and figure out 'what comes next'...

[PacLove]

W continues to text me about "money stuff" to try and get a response. I'm waiting things out and don't plan on responding to anything in regards to this kind of crap. It's "trust" related crap, "where are you getting the money for XYZ? I don't see any transactions from our joint checking"... someone silence her please...

I'm just hoping I don't get any more surprise late night visits until I can fully wrap my head around this and figure out 'what comes next'...

I got a similar line of questioning from my W this past weekend when we had some overlap time... I simply retorted that I don't waste my money on certain luxuries she's continued to maintain (ie spa, nails...) I was actually surprised by her response, it could have easily led to a fight but she laughed it off saying she enjoys those.