My Wife Walked Out

[RSG]

Wow. Spent a lot of time reading Sandi's posts about the WW. It made me realize that, while I may be doing OK, I can see all the ways I've been wrong. I'm taking the crumbs, agreeing with her way too often, trying to be nice, etc. All the things that make her think I'm weak. Not anymore. She called this morning to ask if I'd come pick him up from school. She didn't give me 10 seconds to think, said I'll just bring him to you and I said ok. I'd get there about 10 minutes prior to 4:30, so no biggie anyway for my boy. She made the comment she is worried about traffic after dropping him off, and I said "yeah, that is pretty rough" without saying anything else.

I've been initiating too much contact, and it likely seems like I'm happy to see/talk to her rather than making it about my son. I'm going to go dark unless it's about him, stand up to her more, and be vague about what I'm doing. She will have to initiate calls to say goodnight to our son, and if she misses that then she misses it.

Sandi's posts were amazing, and really a kick in the teeth. I AM a nice guy, and it's time to stop being a doormat! She has to see what she will be losing. The one time she realized that, she broke down in fear....because she'd be losing her safety net. Good. I'm no safety net!

Feeling confident this morning, THANK YOU Sandi!!

[RSG]

I guess this is journaling?

I stood up to her this morning. 3 times she has asked me to come early and pick up our son from preschool. Why does she ask? Traffic stinks at 4:30 in Atlanta. She has to drop him off at home, and then go another 30 minutes or so to her place. She probably gets in around 6. After I said no the 3rd time, she said "K" (which means she's miffed). Sorry, can't do you any favors. That man is dying and I will not be taken advantage of any more!

She's been using our son against me for a while, despite all the times she's refused to come to the park, stayed out until 4AM getting plastered and hungover all weekend, going to "workout" from 5-8 every weekday while I take care of him alone. Nope. As Sandy said, logic has gone out the window for her. She's selfish, and now trying to make me guilty for a 4th time! My son would maybe gain 10 minutes by leaving around 4:20 instead of 4:30 and she's treating it like I refuse to feed him. I'll have to dog walked by the time they get home, and we'll get ready for the pool. I know the real reason she wants me to get him, it's pretty obvious.

[RSG]

bump

[Cristy]

Hello RSG,

I'm so sorry for the situation you are in.

You are off to a great start with DBing. You are so smart to recognize that her cake eating needs to stop.

Thanks cbtdad for the vote of confidence regarding the DB Telephone Coaching.

Knowing what to do and what not to do at this point is crucial. Feel free to give me a call at 303-444-7004 to discuss how we can best help you determine what to do next.

Cristy
Resource Coordinator
The Divorce Busting Center
303-444-7004

[cbtdad]

Good for you on standing up for yourself and not being a doormat
That's what you need to do. Don't make your son suffer, but you can't be her "errand boy" either
ATL traffic is awful. I live OTP and drive away from city for work. So I get to keep my sanity.
lol

[RSG]

Good for you on standing up for yourself and not being a doormat
That's what you need to do. Don't make your son suffer, but you can't be her "errand boy" either
ATL traffic is awful. I live OTP and drive away from city for work. So I get to keep my sanity.
lol

Thanks for the encouragement!
Actually, it was better for my boy. He came straight home, I already had the dog walked and we went to the pool in 15 minutes. This kid is like a fish! Open up the gate and he just jumps right in. He loves to be thrown, and when he pops up he screams "Great job Daddy!" I melt.

Wow, you get to go north of town to work? That's the life!! I work downtown and go up 75 OTP. It ain't easy!

[RSG]

Welp. What a day.
Had a pretty good morning. The wife initiated a conversation that began with "when you see my face do you love me anymore? I've noticed a change." We discuss, and it's the first time she's seemed open to trying to make it work and going to counseling. I said I'm thinking about forgiveness, but reading about all it entails re therapy noting it would be really difficult for us. She says we'd talk about it later, and I gave my son a last hug and said I had to go.

FF to this afternoon. I HAD to spend extra time at work, which meant she dropped off my son and had to wait an extra 45 mins for me. Unfortunately, my son was messing around with stuff and my wife found a therapeutic letter I wrote as a "letter to my son." It included how he's my inspiration and how much I love him, but it was also me venting. So, it included a note about how her affair was wrong and she knew it and some of the things she did to get away from home and left us alone. It also included admissions that I had had a hand in her straying and my prayers that she would see the changes in me so my son could have his family.

Oh crap. Any progress I made in the last 2 weeks has likely torpedoed and pushed me back even further....

[Coconut]

Ummm.. Did she mention the letter, what did she say?

[RSG]

Yeah, she mentioned it and asked if I was actually giving it to him. I said no it was just therapeutic, and asked what she thought. She said she didn't want to talk about it...

[Coconut]

I'm sure that she thought it was strange that you wrote it to your son, at least I do, and may come across as you preparing to attack her to your son... Which would explain the only thing she said about it.

How would you feel about posting it here? Really difficult to know how much damage may have been done without knowing what it says... It is possible that she recognizes that she just saw your inner most thoughts and it could work in your favor, but again hard to tell without knowing what it said.

I will tell you that I wrote a letter to my W (I posted in my thread) owning up to my mistakes in our M, but I was strongly advised not to share it with her, so I didn't. But now that I'm piecing, my W and I were talking after my horrendous text messages the other day, and she made the comment that I had no idea how much I hurt her by my actions, so I pulled out the letter and gave it to her... It was the first time she's really cried thinking about us, and I think it did a lot of good at that point because it showed I knew how much she was hurting.