Spent the weekend mostly with D and family. W didn't manage to insert her into any plans and stopped trying after I reminded her on Friday that it's my weekend with D and she was then one that asked for space.
Saturday night I violated rule #36 as my Family visiting really wanted to go out - I now know whey this rule exists. Temptation is too great, I didn't do anything I would regret but on one side it's nice to know that there are women out there that still find me attractive. It is very easy to slip though after a few drinks so be careful! I think it's safe to say I won't be hitting the bars/clubs anytime soon again.
I found out through a friend this weekend about some of the issues that are really bothering my W about our R, nothing really new and it sounded like some smoke-screening to justify her leaving me and not get into details of the A (which she didn't admit to the friend). Anyways food for though in terms of what I need to work on.
I felt a little sad this morning, didn't really think much of her at all on the weekend, but she's always on my mind. She reached out twice over the weekend, once when she was shopping asking me if I needed anything and then again to suggest dinner together before my family leaves. I agreed to the latter as it was an opportunity to spend with my D on her night with her.
Harmful or not, I'll take very chance I can to spend additional time with D and try and show my good side and changes to W.
Me: 40 W: 45 T: 13, M: 11 1 D: 9
Suspect A 6/15 ILBINILWY 8/15, and 3/16 EA/PA Discovered 3/16 EA admitted 3/16 W Moved out 4/16 W opens R talk and says A over 1/17
Pac, sounds like you did well this weekend, congratulations, is one small step at a time.
I have to agree with your comment about it being nice to know that there are women out there that still find you attractive. I find myself thinking about it more than I would like to, I know it would just be a temporary ego salve.
I wonder how many LBS become WS themselves, the thought of getting attention, intimacy and maybe a little revenge has got to be to strong for some LBS's. Personally I wouldn't want to add all the additional complications, but I would guess there are lots that do.
I would venture to say that family dinner wouldn't be highly recommended, but sometimes you just gotta do what you want. I wouldn't recommend making "family time" very often with your WW, even to spend extra time with your D, it just allows your WW to continue cake eating. And Quality time with your D is more important than quantity of time.
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
yeah I always get conflicted with these requests from her - in all honestly she has shown none of the "cold/fighting/argumentativeness" that many on here complain about, if anything she's been nice, accommodating and trying to be peaceful through all this so I feel like the a-hole every-time I push back or turn her away.
Me: 40 W: 45 T: 13, M: 11 1 D: 9
Suspect A 6/15 ILBINILWY 8/15, and 3/16 EA/PA Discovered 3/16 EA admitted 3/16 W Moved out 4/16 W opens R talk and says A over 1/17
Well I humored her for dinner, had a nice time actually. I do think these little moments allow her insight into what she's missing as my family and I were talking about all the fine we had. towards the end she started talking to D about going to Europe somewhere down the road to which I jumped in that I'm planning to go with D next year. I think this irked her a little as she wants to be a part of a trip like that... so be it, she's making her own choices right now.
After D was asleep she started talking to me about her Job and complaining, I used this opportunity to validate her a little...
For the first time in a while, I didn't have any "strong" feelings towards her when I was looking at her, sure I still love her but attraction wasn't there like it usually is. Is this a sign of "Detaching"?
She ended up crashing with D again last night, her $'s are running short she's been spending quite a bit and I think that's going to hit her hard pretty soon.
OM I think is either out of town or things are fizzling as she hasn't been there since the ~18th or 19th (no I'm not tracking, but I can tell by a change in her behavior) - I haven't looked at the mileage on her car since the 20th... not easy!
Me: 40 W: 45 T: 13, M: 11 1 D: 9
Suspect A 6/15 ILBINILWY 8/15, and 3/16 EA/PA Discovered 3/16 EA admitted 3/16 W Moved out 4/16 W opens R talk and says A over 1/17
Interesting discovery today - I was reviewing my Kindle list in Amazon and my W recently bought two books around "Polyamory"... this has been a topic she's brought up in the past, but at the time I was seeing it as an excuse to justify the A.
Now that we are separated I would have thought this idea would have been given up, but it appears like she may still be wanting it?
It could definitely explain her behavior (about trying to maintain the R/M)
Me: 40 W: 45 T: 13, M: 11 1 D: 9
Suspect A 6/15 ILBINILWY 8/15, and 3/16 EA/PA Discovered 3/16 EA admitted 3/16 W Moved out 4/16 W opens R talk and says A over 1/17
So as pondered my discovery last night I think I'm realizing that my W must really be "in love" with OM otherwise why would she be researching ways to keep it going.
Anyways I kown thinking about it is not good DB'ing but it wasn't like I went looking for this, I accidentally came across it when I was buying a hook yesterday.
The little research I did on Polyamory says that no relationship that started out as an affair can ever end up in a Polyamory relationship as all trust is lost and Polyamory requires absolute trust. Hopefully she'll realise that too and decide that the monogamous relationship is really what God has planned for us.
Ramping up my prayers.
Me: 40 W: 45 T: 13, M: 11 1 D: 9
Suspect A 6/15 ILBINILWY 8/15, and 3/16 EA/PA Discovered 3/16 EA admitted 3/16 W Moved out 4/16 W opens R talk and says A over 1/17
Remember you can't let her ever think you will be available for plan B. That is how you break through the fog. Ignore and don't respond to texts not related to your D. If she calls, if you bother to answer, just brush her off as if you're too busy.
Me:49 W:45 M:19 T:22 EA confirmed and ended 8/2014 S:19,17 D:9,5
The little research I did on Polyamory says that no relationship that started out as an affair can ever end up in a Polyamory relationship as all trust is lost and Polyamory requires absolute trust. Hopefully she'll realise that too and decide that the monogamous relationship is really what God has planned for us.
PacLove,
Some of the stuff that I read on this forum frightens me.
Do you really think your wife cares whether or not a polyamory relationship that started as an affair won't be lasting? She'll just find someone else.
I'm struggling with how to say this nicely, but if you see the fact that a polyamory relationship can't be the end result of an affair as a positive sign for your MR, then you must be whiffing some of your wife's affair fog.
TBH I don't know what she's thinking right now, she's often brought up that she doesn't need Marriage to be happy - but also doesn't want a D.
Going out of town for the weekend, didn't originally tell my W but she found out via the friends I'm visiting and now she insists on driving me to the airport tonight (I said I would take Uber) but she's planning to be at the house when I leave.
These acts of kindness really confuse me.
Me: 40 W: 45 T: 13, M: 11 1 D: 9
Suspect A 6/15 ILBINILWY 8/15, and 3/16 EA/PA Discovered 3/16 EA admitted 3/16 W Moved out 4/16 W opens R talk and says A over 1/17
I'm sorry I was a bit crass; the WWs do know how to keep you off balance. I don't know what she's thinking either, but it sure seems like she wants both of you. In other words, she wants her cake and eat it too.
