My thoughts and feelings about approaches to divorce and reconciliation have changed a lot over the past few months. I think the approach is partially situation dependent, but I'm often amazed at how long many LBS are willing to tolerate a WS in an active affair. If you found out that the wife of a friend of yours has a boyfriend (EA or PA) what would you recommend to the friend?
Unless there is truly bad behavior (abuse etc.) on the part of the LBS, then I lean heavily toward the boxes and tape (B+T) approach. If I'd had the balls to do B+T much earlier in the process I think I'd have had a better chance at reconciliation.
Just wanted to chime in since I recently was debating over the same decision: whether to confront WW and let her know that I knew about the Affair. --- Since confronting her, the last couple weeks have been rough. Less conversation initiated by her. Almost zero physical contact. I have been working through it, but it's been very hard to draw the line between being aloof and moving forward, without coming across as ignoring her or seeming pissed all the time. I feel like I'm getting it dialed in a bit more now, but it's tough.
Best of luck with whatever you choose, and like with everything else just make sure you're doing it for yourself as opposed to trying to get some specific reaction out of WW.
Thank you for sharing your experience with this. I've already decided I'm going to "tell her", not try to get her to come out with some backhanded questions. While I don't have "hard proof" of what's going on, I know that if I was having 10-15 minute regular conversations and shared over 1,000 texts messages with an attractive woman I worked with, it would be considered emotional affair, at the very least.
I have the phone records from all the texts, calls, etc. and that's what I'm considering my "proof"... bottom line, she shouldn't be sharing over 1,000 texts with ANY man other than myself.
I have the phone records from all the texts, calls, etc. and that's what I'm considering my "proof"... bottom line, she shouldn't be sharing over 1,000 texts with ANY man other than myself.
Yep, I completely agree!
She'll undoubtedly try the "just friends" excuse. Don't go for it.
and I'm not going to make a big deal about it. I'm just going to rehearse a bit, tell her I know and that (use her words against her), we are still married and until we are not married anymore, this is unacceptable behavior and it should end. When she lashes back at me (she will), saying how this is all my fault we are in here the first place, I'll just acknowledge that I've owned up to my mistakes and are working on bettering myself, but that's all I had to say about this conversation and if you want to talk about at a later date, then we can do that.
As much as I love this girl (yes, GIRL!, she is not a woman any so many ways right now), I'm finding myself wanting OUT of the marriage more than I'm wanting to stay IN it. so what's the big deal if I piss her off one more time before it's over, right?
so what's the big deal if I piss her off one more time before it's over, right?
Ahem, for myself, not just to piss her off. One of the things I'm working on with coach, is to be assertive and do things in ways I would never do them before, even if it means brushing my teeth backwards, while standing on the toilet... everything counts, this one just happens to be one giant leap into the direction I'm wanting to go instead of tippie-toeing.
Ahem, for myself, not just to piss her off. One of the things I'm working on with coach, is to be assertive and do things in ways I would never do them before, even if it means brushing my teeth backwards, while standing on the toilet...
betterm,
You should assert yourself five free hours of coaching.
I was thinking last night of assertively cleaning all the toilets with my WW's toothbrush she left at the house and uses when she stays there... I think I'll wait until I see her purposal from attorney for that though.
I honestly don't think my WW and her attorney are speaking the same language (not surprising - we've been together 7 years and still have the same problem)...
I ran into him over the weekend having some beers (of course, took my opportunity to buy him a few and have a "friendly" conversation haha). Anyways, I got his email today saying that he didn't need the entire VFDS completed and signed in order to file, but needs it for "her proposal" for the D, and that he was going to file the documents to start the court proceedings today.
I texted W "So it sounds like attorney is filing the papers today. I'm speechless, but only you know what's right for you and your future, It pains me, but I understand and I will not stand in your way."
She texted back, "WHAT? I did not know that and he didn't tell me he was filing! Hang on!", followed by another text about 5 minutes later saying "I just emailed him, we'll talk about it later..."
I don't know WTH is going on, but I trust her attorney about 9-thousand times more than I do her right now. She literally has lost it and has no control or idea of what's happening right now.
I wasn't texting to get any kind of response or possible change of heart, it was more of a "welp, this is it, make or break, it's been fun" kinda message. My words from before still hold true; mentally, I'm on my own from here on out, and I'm not looking for someone to "take me back" anymore; I'm changing directions in what fits what I want the rest of my life to look like, and while I'm not entirely sure what that is YET, I definitely will not be influenced or manipulated into at all. Really, the only thing that's changed right now, is I'm probably going to put the 'EA' talk on hold for a few days to re-evaluate and rehearse.
sorry I don't usually hand out 2x4's, but you are completely lying to yourself if you think, "I wasn't texting to get any kind of response" If you weren't, you wouldn't have texted her at all It's ok to still have the roller coaster of emotions you are having. The point is to try and control them as best as possible. You can't control how you are going to feel, but you can to how you respond to the emotions Also, that lawyer friend of yours really sounds like he is trying to get disbarred. First off he never should have taken the case because of the conflict of interest. Secondly, him telling you whats going on is unethical as it gets in the law arena
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
