Weird Reaction

[Coconut]

The thing that we all have in common (WS and LBS) is that we've lost ourselves somewhere along the way.

So this is a process of finding ourselves again. The things you used to be interested are a good start. But why not try new things as well? You might find you like a few of those things too.

I've discovered how much I like the company of other people, how interested I am in what they have to say and share with me. I've become a very sociable person over the past few months because of that and I don't really feel lonely now.

I wasn't really very sociable when I met my H, and throughout our relationship either. I was much more of an introvert, quite private and much more shy too. And I think now that my H actually carried most social interactions (he did enjoy that though, he was a total extrovert). Anyway, I'm actually really enjoying meeting new people now, and making deeper connections with some of the people I already knew a little.

I know there are going to be more interests for me to try and foster.

But this whole process takes time. It takes time and patience to try things, try new things and to find yourself. And time is the thing that you must give it for the process to flow, settle and deepen. You, as a human being, deserve that.

Hope that helps.

Isn't it funny that it feels like time is running out. Like if I don't do something now, all hope will be lost. She will fall into another man's arms they will get married and all will be lost.

Nate, the M was over on bomb drop day... Time is your friend cause you can still have her in your life while you prepare yourself to move on with or without her... Me personally, if she didn't work, I would cancel the cell phone... If that's her life line, I would snip it, unfortunately for me, my W makes about what I make (just a little more actually), so I just kept everything as normal, but if she didn't work, I woulda cut out all support.

Take some time and just worry about you, she's only worried about her and your chasing her, turn the tables around.

[focus22]

I would cancel the cell phone...If that's her life line, I would snip it.

Can I just chip in quickly here, with a thought I had on reading this?

This sounds a bit like doing something out of anger, or at least a desire for tit for tat.

To me, this is getting caught in a dynamic where there is someone else involved (and that someone else is her). So your focus isn't on yourself with that train of thought and that action. You're doing something to get back at her for what she's done to you. You're not detaching with that (as I see it anyway, but I may be wrong).

I actually agree with not paying for her phone any more. But it's because she has chosen to turn away from you and the M, and has decided to focus her attentions on a new R. And as a result of that, she does not benefit from anything that you would be sharing with your mate: your bed, your closeness and intimacy, your attention (beyond the attention you would give a neighbour), and all the little things you would do for someone you were especially close to (cooking surprise dinners, washing, buying little gifts and treats, paying for stuff to make her life easier).

But none of that is done out of anger ore a desire for tit for tat. It's done because essentially the focus is now on yourself and on living your own life.

Forgive me if I've gotten details of your sitch wrong, or for anything I've said that's out of place.

[StepUp]

So, last night the WW got really sick and had to go to ER. (Ongoing severe sore throat since Saturday) She was moaning in pain and I did not console her like I usually do. She then gets dressed and goes downstairs to the car I follow and she is in a lot of pain I help her out of the drivers seat to the passenger we go to er. The severe sore throat is not mono, they did give her a heap of meds and morphine for pain. I take her home and put her in bed At the ER she thanked me like 3 times I said that is not necessary. This morning she thanked me twice in an email.

I ask you guys is this just her guilt talking? I know for a fact she is seeing at least one other guy, not sure if it is sexual but he will be with her for at least art of her birthday weekend celebration.

[SH_]

I ask you guys is this just her guilt talking? I know for a fact she is seeing at least one other guy, not sure if it is sexual but he will be with her for at least art of her birthday weekend celebration.

Nate, Dbing indicates that actions not words are key. I would encourage that you do not concern yourself about whether it is guilt or not.
I would thank a stranger the way she thanked you if they helped me when I was sick in pain. I would be genuine in doing it but it would not have to do with guilt nor anything else except that I am thankful for the help.

Stay focused on you my friend.

[StepUp]

I forgot to mention, prior to our hospital trip we had a talk.

She wanted me to go the extra mile and find a way to come home early from work to watch our youngest daughter. she had a meeting to go to but could not tell me what the meeting is for.

I said no and kept leaving the room she would call me back and ask again, woundering why I could not just oblige her. I said I can't help her and she was on her own. I went upstairs she blocked the doorway to our bedroom to continue the conversation.

Eventually the conversation turned to her actions. I said I don't understand, if you want to be single, why are you here? She said where would she go (mind you weeks ago she made a whole big to do about the fact that she talked with her sister and had a place to stay should I make her leave and that I should not tell her mom if I know what is best for me. FYI Mom is a SOLID Christian who plays no games and pulls no punches. She calls a sin a sin and would MAKE my wife apologize and end the affair.)

She saw I did not falter as in the past and said she is looking for a job (stall tactic).

I keep reading Sandi2's posts and think I will pull back but put her bed things outside tonight. We have a joint account which is all of my money (she does not work) I will cancel direct deposit and pull out the balance once a check I wrote clears.

When she asks I will tell her that I the family finances are not for the single lady.

[PacLove]

NateM,

I thought these little signs at first (The thank you's, the apologies, the nice gestures) were signs of hope - but going on 2 months now and it's just there way of maintaining some attachment to the M. Their actions speak louder then words and small gestures.

I got a chuckle out of your sore throat - my W had Strep a while back and I couldn't help but think it came from OM. No one else in the household had it.

[StepUp]

Yes I thought the exact same thing. Plus add in the fact that she does not allow me to kiss her. Maybe this is the reason why.

[PacLove]

Ok not very Christian of me but if your vengeful at all - you can smile at the fact that the OM may have it too - in my case I'm pretty sure he did as my W was sending him info on Urgent Care clinics.

That was a while back, now I'm actually praying both for my W and for the OM that they may both find their ways back to their M.

[StepUp]

lol @PacLove I know the feeling.

I have a question about a post I found under Sandi2's rules for a newcomer LBH with a wayward wife. It lists several steps to take immediately to show the WW you are serious.

I have a question about this step
8-Cut off all joint cell phone plans (you are not financing W's affair by paying for her smartphone to continue conducting her A on the family's money)

My question is do I cancel her phone # or set her up with a separate plan and leave her with next months bill. I want to just drop her but I am sure that will be construed as heartless

[StepUp]

I ask you guys is this just her guilt talking? I know for a fact she is seeing at least one other guy, not sure if it is sexual but he will be with her for at least art of her birthday weekend celebration.

Nate, Dbing indicates that actions not words are key. I would encourage that you do not concern yourself about whether it is guilt or not.
I would thank a stranger the way she thanked you if they helped me when I was sick in pain. I would be genuine in doing it but it would not have to do with guilt nor anything else except that I am thankful for the help.

Stay focused on you my friend.

I really appreciate you guys I feel like I am seeing the light