Focus on your plan. It is a good one and will help you move in the right direction and heal.
This is the DB way my friend. Focus on you. Be the best man and father that you can be.
Does the process work for the marriage in the long run? Has anyone had their marriage restored? I have been in panic mode for some time now, I honestly don't know how to get off the crazy train.
M-41 W-46 T- 17 years M- 13 yrs SS - 25 SD- 22 D 11 ILYBNILWY - 6/6/15 Status - DBing, GAL
learn/ practice new hobby (muay thai or brazilian jiu jitsu) (physical peace)
For what it's worth, I really enjoy Muay Thai. Very practical for burning calories and self-defense, and hitting things is very therapeutic
Me, WW - Upper 30s BD - Apr 1 2016 EA - Apr 7 2016 (discovered; ongoing for months; did not confront right away) Confronted wife about EA - May 17 Wife sent NC email to OM - July 11
It is important that you understand at this point in your sitch, that you focus on you. The MR can not be worked on by one person. You can not control 2 people. So focus on you is all you can do.
Read cadets homework closely. Read DB/DR and stay the course.
The goal is to become the person only a fool would leave. If you become that person, and the fool leaves, then you may attract the person that you deserve down the road. But more importantly,mic the fool leaves you will be okay.
I know that answer may not be the one you want to hear, but it is the only viable option at this point.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
It is important that you understand at this point in your sitch, that you focus on you. The MR can not be worked on by one person. You can not control 2 people. So focus on you is all you can do.
Read cadets homework closely. Read DB/DR and stay the course.
The goal is to become the person only a fool would leave. If you become that person, and the fool leaves, then you may attract the person that you deserve down the road. But more importantly,mic the fool leaves you will be okay.
I know that answer may not be the one you want to hear, but it is the only viable option at this point.
I read DR
That is actually awesome advice for me. When I met my WW I was a club dj. I was the man at the club and everyone wanted to come party at the club. I have since then settled down and only occasionally work weddings, no clubs.
But the fact that I was in high demand attracted WW to me. Also, I really was not interested in her back then because I really was all about djing. We were friends and then started having a lot of sex and next thing you know we are together and were virtually inseperable from that point on.
M-41 W-46 T- 17 years M- 13 yrs SS - 25 SD- 22 D 11 ILYBNILWY - 6/6/15 Status - DBing, GAL
It would tick her off royally but I could just come home and start playing music like I used to do back in the day. She ALWAYS ends up coming in the garage and dancing a bit or opening the garage door to see where I am at.
M-41 W-46 T- 17 years M- 13 yrs SS - 25 SD- 22 D 11 ILYBNILWY - 6/6/15 Status - DBing, GAL
It is important that you understand at this point in your sitch, that you focus on you. The MR can not be worked on by one person. You can not control 2 people. So focus on you is all you can do.
Read cadets homework closely. Read DB/DR and stay the course.
The goal is to become the person only a fool would leave. If you become that person, and the fool leaves, then you may attract the person that you deserve down the road. But more importantly,mic the fool leaves you will be okay.
I know that answer may not be the one you want to hear, but it is the only viable option at this point.
I read DR
That is actually awesome advice for me. When I met my WW I was a club dj. I was the man at the club and everyone wanted to come party at the club. I have since then settled down and only occasionally work weddings, no clubs.
But the fact that I was in high demand attracted WW to me. Also, I really was not interested in her back then because I really was all about djing. We were friends and then started having a lot of sex and next thing you know we are together and were virtually inseperable from that point on.
I think I was a more complete man then. Happier (I work at an insurance company during the day) More confident (hard to care about one when there are multiple offers on the table) Life was good and I was in control. I have since handed the reigns over to the WW and have been choked and horsewhipped by her.
M-41 W-46 T- 17 years M- 13 yrs SS - 25 SD- 22 D 11 ILYBNILWY - 6/6/15 Status - DBing, GAL
The thing that we all have in common (WS and LBS) is that we've lost ourselves somewhere along the way.
So this is a process of finding ourselves again. The things you used to be interested are a good start. But why not try new things as well? You might find you like a few of those things too.
I've discovered how much I like the company of other people, how interested I am in what they have to say and share with me. I've become a very sociable person over the past few months because of that and I don't really feel lonely now.
I wasn't really very sociable when I met my H, and throughout our relationship either. I was much more of an introvert, quite private and much more shy too. And I think now that my H actually carried most social interactions (he did enjoy that though, he was a total extrovert). Anyway, I'm actually really enjoying meeting new people now, and making deeper connections with some of the people I already knew a little.
I know there are going to be more interests for me to try and foster.
But this whole process takes time. It takes time and patience to try things, try new things and to find yourself. And time is the thing that you must give it for the process to flow, settle and deepen. You, as a human being, deserve that.
The thing that we all have in common (WS and LBS) is that we've lost ourselves somewhere along the way.
So this is a process of finding ourselves again. The things you used to be interested are a good start. But why not try new things as well? You might find you like a few of those things too.
I've discovered how much I like the company of other people, how interested I am in what they have to say and share with me. I've become a very sociable person over the past few months because of that and I don't really feel lonely now.
I wasn't really very sociable when I met my H, and throughout our relationship either. I was much more of an introvert, quite private and much more shy too. And I think now that my H actually carried most social interactions (he did enjoy that though, he was a total extrovert). Anyway, I'm actually really enjoying meeting new people now, and making deeper connections with some of the people I already knew a little.
I know there are going to be more interests for me to try and foster.
But this whole process takes time. It takes time and patience to try things, try new things and to find yourself. And time is the thing that you must give it for the process to flow, settle and deepen. You, as a human being, deserve that.
Hope that helps.
Isn't it funny that it feels like time is running out. Like if I don't do something now, all hope will be lost. She will fall into another man's arms they will get married and all will be lost.
M-41 W-46 T- 17 years M- 13 yrs SS - 25 SD- 22 D 11 ILYBNILWY - 6/6/15 Status - DBing, GAL
I felt like that too, Nate. Time...every second was excruciating (especially early on).
Thing is, time passing is one of the things that helps shift your perspective towards something else. There are other things you need to do to make this shift (GAL, working on yourself...all those things), but it all takes time.
Taking time to decide how you want to react, taking time to post here, ask questions, get answers, process the information...none of that is wasted time. You're learning things, so that is never wasted time.
It is in that space that change starts to happen. You're giving yourself that time and space. You're giving yourself that gift. That's what makes you an adult.
