Sorry if that sounds mean, but that is what I want to tell her. She goes out every night and does not tell me where she is going. She does not call at all, I initiate all the convo.
I did not talk to her (initiate conversation) on Thursday and Friday and she got mad at me!
She said on Saturday when I said good morning, "You haven't been talking to me before why start now." It just burns me a little bit each time.
M-41 W-46 T- 17 years M- 13 yrs SS - 25 SD- 22 D 11 ILYBNILWY - 6/6/15 Status - DBing, GAL
BTW I do not think telling her to leave will push her further away. She has threatened to do so at least twice (One time she had a bag of clothes and sat in the car until I folded and said she did not have to go) and the other time she was upset (would not tell me why) and said she needed to think because I was kicking her out, she was unhappy and blamed me for it. I crumbled again and said she can stay.
So I have not shown her that I have the guts to go through with it and she is fine with that. Also, we had a talk one time about how I was holding on and she said ,"I wouldn't put up with it if that was me. I don't why you do it (she meant give up on the marriage). I said, " I guess you and I are just 2 different people."
So you see, over and over I have played the doormat and over and over she is almost begging me to man up to her.
M-41 W-46 T- 17 years M- 13 yrs SS - 25 SD- 22 D 11 ILYBNILWY - 6/6/15 Status - DBing, GAL
You know what bothers me the most? Her phone. Her secrecy with her phone and how everything shuts down when she gets a text or a call. The kids notice too. It does not matter where we are or what we are doing, the phone gets priority.
Even if she is dead tired and falling asleep, if the phone buzzes she will check it.
How do I deal with my rage over the phone?
M-41 W-46 T- 17 years M- 13 yrs SS - 25 SD- 22 D 11 ILYBNILWY - 6/6/15 Status - DBing, GAL
The letter doesn't come across as manning up. It comes across as whining.
I'm not familiar enough with your situation to offer a good suggestion of what manning up in your case would look like, but I know this isn't it.
I'm more sympathetic than I sound, I promise. Sending the letter is not in your best interests.
Me: 44 H: 44 Kids: 20, 16, 16, and 10 Together/Married: 22 years H announced he was emotionally detached and considering D: 4/4/16 H announced he is going to try to stay and reconnect: 5/1/16
Nate, I looks exactly like the letter I wrote, the next day she mentioned that she had found some council online that referred to a book that I was reading that contained the basic information. It did no good for me, I would recommend not giving it to her. Take your balls back through action, letters are just talk...Another mistake I have made in this mess that we find ourselves in.
M 21 years XW 43yo, me 41 yo S13 BD March 2016 - she asked me to patient... End of June - I started the D process. D final 2/23/17 "He who forgets will be destined to remember" Eddie Vedder
I do not have a car to do much in the afternoon/evening when I get home. I commute via the bus and would have to commute to do extra activities.
I have movie night with my kids on MON night, Tues is book club (silent reading with the kids) Wed is free night, Thurs the kids and I go grocery shopping in the evening. Friday evening I take my youngest to martial arts class.
At work I have an office job but we have an awesome gym upstairs. I lift weights and attend yoga classes M-F.
As for the weekends they are lonely. My wife will be gone all day and I just sit at home.
If I had a car I would cross off some things on my bucket list:
Learn Salsa run another marathon/maybe try an triathlon Find another church to attend attend a solid bible study during the week get new clothes ( I lost 52 lbs since last June) have a ton of friends over on weekends (barbecues, play card games/ board games) go out to movies with kids
M-41 W-46 T- 17 years M- 13 yrs SS - 25 SD- 22 D 11 ILYBNILWY - 6/6/15 Status - DBing, GAL
So you think that your 180 should be more pursuit of her. More of the same. That you will get her back by loving her back into a relationship with you?
Sorry it does not work that way.
Don't send the letter.
You deal with your rage by STF up and stop trying to do what has not been working so far.
@Rose888 @coffee_ I thank you for your advice it is very helpful.
I am just not sure why this letter would not help. Am I not setting my WW straight?
Also there is a question of what do I do if she does not leave? I would have to move out (abandon the kids) and stay somewhere else (most likely my parents who happen to live 2 doors down.)
M-41 W-46 T- 17 years M- 13 yrs SS - 25 SD- 22 D 11 ILYBNILWY - 6/6/15 Status - DBing, GAL
