oh one more thing, I spoke about appreciating the small things in life but never really knew what it meant. I think i do now...
I find myself praying and being thankful for everything during the day, literally, as i'm walking i'm praying and giving thanks. Like spending time with my family. Enjoying the sunny day. Taking my son to the arcade. Being at peace.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
so done blogging, back to my WW... here's her emails and my replies:
You want us to work and I can see you very emotional about it but once again your stubbornness is getting in the way, pushing me away is not gonne bring me closer to you. I love you so very much, its time to let go of your fears of getting hurt and time to let go of us. You decide.
I'm not sure what you mean by the last sentence... When you say let go of us, are you still talking about divorce or the past?
I don’t want divorce, and I am talking about you!!!!!!! You need to decide what you want, pushing me away last nite than you cant sleep, I am a young female and I need intimacy that I want from my husband but my husband is pushing me away once again, what am I supposed to do with that??use my pink buddy? That you get upset about?? I can only tell you what I think but I cant read your mind.
I'm def not going to respond anytime soon. Its 9am now and will probably do so at round 3pm. Give her something to think about for the day.
I think my ideal response would consist of me saying, as i did yesterday, "that my heart is still broken and I cannot let you in yet." As for her sexual drive, yes that s at its peak now but i fought her off very quickly yesterday, she turned her back and went straight to sleep. I think I should tell her to just keep her pants on for as long as she can. Is that not her showing commitment, or am i really just controlling her - or is it a boundary that I cannot be with someone (yet) that was having an affair?
I'm not sure what to do. But for now i'm doing nothing.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
Very interesting. Wow. Sounds like there is still some crazy dog there. So she was in A. Now she's back basically demanding sex from you? Is that remorse? Is that understanding? Woman tend to have sex when they are emotionally connected to someone or are trying to get the man to connect. Is this her normal sex drive or is she trying to trap you? Men tend to have sex to get emotionally connected.
I know that if I cheated and really cared about the person, I wouldn't be demanding sex or pushing. I would be very understanding of the process to get back to healthy status. It is healthy to have sex, it will bring you closer, but at the right time.
Ralph88 Me 40s W 30s, D5 D3 , M7 T9 2013 B drop 1, EA found 2016 B drop 2, EA/PA? 2/16 Physical Seperation 2/16 I filed for D 4/16 PA Confirmed
i'm onto chpt 6 of the DR book, going to reread about 20 times though. But this is what i'm thinking of sending in reply to her email... what do you think?
"I want us to be closer. I want us to not stay so far apart. I want to trust you again. I want to let you in."
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
well, she has always had a great sex drive. we used to have sex about 4 times a week before baby. now its 2 to 3 times a week. but she has always been the one initiating. i know that that needs to change. its been something that we've discussed over the years and i never changed, and it makes her feel vulnerable.
we always used to say "come we F", and it was never about making love. i know that that needs to change too, from my side before she will possibly change.
i dont want to withhold intimacy if its pushing her away, but i dont want her to cake-eat either. i know that if she's satisfied that she wont look elsewhere but right now i'm not too sure...
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
Well she does not want to leave, but still making plans to go out without me. She is selfish but still does selfless things. This is the most critical point over these 3 months.
I am thinking of showing her just enough "love" to keep her hanging on. I need her to continue to pursue whilst maintaining my leadership role within the R.
Its her bday wknd and i let her spend her mothers day alone, i never even wished her, i could sense her sense of loss but i let her feel that. Let me experiment and spend and wish her for her birthday. Let's see which experience will have the best impact. I just don't want to push her away whilst i'm trying not to push her away. Going to have to compromise on one or two goals.
Next wknd we're off on a 4 day holiday together and I will have a better idea of how to play that.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
Have you thought of talking with her? I know that is a R talk... If she is going to recommit to the marriage, she is to me made aware of the terms of the marriage. That is just my opinion, I could be wrong though, because I am no where near where you are...
You say you don't want to push her away. You want to trust her again. You want things to work out... have you told her what she needs to do in order to start working things out? What are the requirements? You don't need to share any feelings about yourself, but I don't see any harm in sharing what you need from her BEFORE you can consider getting back together. I have yet to read anything about her working on herself throughout this time.
My interpretation of her emails is that she's looking for some action and she's looking to get it from you... but she's not remorseful for looking elsewhere and she hasn't even begun to fix the waywardness inside of her.
