I'm starting to get this process now. Yesterday when my WW was crying about her dead mother, that she has no-one to support her, I just stared at her. I told myself that those are her tears, it's her pain. She needs to feel it. Her mother's been dead for 5 years and I always console her, without fail. I did not yesterday.
Also seeing the fact that she did not want me just on Monday but can't stop pursuing me today. Menzies are done tomorrow so wish me luck on Sunday. I spoke to my mother who really doesn't understand the counterintuitiveness of this all, but she summed it up quite nicely... The process gets the WS to want to want you again.
The best you, the real you that you gave up on, the you that will be the perfect life long partner. The affair is only an attention seeking exercise. If you seek attention, she will show you her worst. Walk away and she will follow your lighthouse. DAMN!
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
So my WW was very distant in MB during the night, compared to the previous few weeks, I can see how things can get worse before they get better. Her natural instinct is to rebel and run into OM arms. That's a scary thought.
Anyhows, she asks me this morning if i had fun - I said Yes. She asked where i went, and said nowhere. She then said "is this what we're coming to, where my loving husband doesn't tell me where he goes anymore." Now the old DDJ would have clearly stated "oh like you going to visit another male for lunch to try and F him?". SO THAT WAS A GOOD 180.
As for the movie last night, avoid if you have any values; running gag of a 2yr old playing with her mothers dildo - i can see one of them coming onto this forum very soon. It's insane for me to think that my value system and the world that i lived in were so incongruent. I used to complain that our South African soccer, rugby and cricket teams are all sponsored by SAB-MILLER and yet i'm the one buying jugs full of liquor at each event.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
I don't know if i'm out of line but i think that some of our input does not really help the way we intend it to.
Whats required to deal with the A's are tough love. Tough love for ourselves, Tough love for our WSs and Tough love for each other. When are simply wishy-washy, we do not push each other to achieve more, we don't really build the confidence needed to get out of the rut. Just more of the same. Thats just my 2c.
That is why we love Sandi's posts, she says it like it is. But we need more Sandi's.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
I think you're right about the tough love. Sandi does have a way of cutting to the chase and she pushes everyone to face reality. I think most of us appreciate someone who's willing to snap us back to reality.
Well my reality came back as always. It's the wife's nieces 1St bday, but she's also got a babyshower for a not so close friend, so she's not staying for the bday party. I'm here with our son. She never even came to greet her own brother,or meet the baby for the first time. This is nothing new in terms of stubbornness.
She's also set to go out with new click again tonight. Not sure how long before she finds and screws OM2. But 180ing very nicely and just validating everything she's saying.
An old friend is at the party and his wife cheated on him a few years back, got knocked up and now he's fathering that loose child. How do people do that? I don't want to imagine those 9 months and then poof, it's definitely not yours!
So the point of all of this, is Sandi says that the selfishness, stubbornness, rebellion must die. It must be replaced with willingness before they come around. I just don't see it happening.
Gotta stay the lighthouse for my son at least. Getting really close with him and disciplining him going well too.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
