What Should I be Doing?

[Coconut]

Wow... To all of those who called it, I guess we are all in here for the same reasons, and I guess the patterns are to similar to ignore. So wife went to firehouse tonight to practice stuff, and I go to bed. I wake up at 1230am to see if she was home, and she was asleep on the couch, so I went to wake her to cone to bed, then saw her phone and grabbed that instead. Well, I've been trying to see her group me acct, and low and behold, it was finally open. Well, my heart sank, there it was as I suspected, text between her and another firefighter... I love you this and that. I went into the bedroom looking at the phone, and I heard her wake up, so I ran outside and hid while I went through the text string. I sent myself emails of the texts, then went to the main back door where she was and knocked... She unlocked the door and I just handed her the phone with the texts open and walked away.

Her reaction was anger, I went into the bedroom, grabbed a couple of drawers of clothes and threw them out of the bedroom.. She came at me loud and hard, screaming at me to leave her [censored] alone, I told her I would have thought that she would want her stuff since she will not share my marital bed. She called me crazy and started trying to push me out of her way, I held my ground for a minute and she started threatening violence, I told her that neither of us wants it to go there and let her in the room, but again put my foot down and told her that she does not deserve to sleep in our marital bed, and I won't stand for it.

I must say that I'm amazed that she didn't show any remorse, or pain, just anger and no tears. I told her to get whatever she needs out of the bedroom and I went into living room and posted "you know that moment when your world falls apart", tagged her and then attached the texts. Then I went back in bdrm and asked her why she let me stay in the house when I offered to leave, and why she didn't just kick me out if she wanted to move on... She said cause I really love you, and want us to work. I told her I gave her to much credit when I had previously told her that I didn't believe she would wait to find someone before she ended us if she wasn't happy, and she laughed.

I asked if he was married and she said yes, and does his wife know? No... Check your Facebook

[Coconut]

After I walked away, she grabbed my phone and took down the post, then she asked me to delete all the texts... I couldn't believe the nerve, but I said no.. I told her I won't use them while I'm emotional, but I was keeping them.. She kept asking. Finally I said if I delete the photos in the hopes of working threw this, what are you going to do to help us get through this? No answer from her, so I say will you drop out of FF program, she said no. I asked how are we supposed to move on when your at the station with this guy, she said she won't go there when he's there, I'll come home right after clas is over, etc, etc.

I didn't tell her, but I don't want our new R to start off with me having to chk the clock to make sure she's home in time.

So I asked how long, she says about a week. Physical? No. She says that she met him while hanging out at the station, thought he was interesting, yadayada.

She of course blames my shortcomings, no Intamicy, always on couch, etc. I said that I understand how much that must of hurt you, but I am getting better.

I went back to her after she fell asleep, I asked about the text that talked about (going from memory, I don't have this text, I just read it) I can't right now, I'm bleeding really bad, bad blood clots and stuff. I said that talk is pretty convincing that it was PA, she said they kissed but there was no sex... I don't have much doubt that it would have gotten there, if it didn't already.

[Coconut]

Overall I think I handled myself pretty well... I lost my temper but only threw clothes, I only started crying once and stopped myself, I put my foot down on bedroom. I told her she hurt me deeply, but I didn't whimper, asked the questions I wanted to ask so I wont ponder them during my disengagement, but I never asked why, how could you, etc... My questions where specific to how long, how far, how did u get close to him...

I pointed out that sexting is very out of character for her, and that if it's been only a week I don't see how it got to that.

That's as much as I can recall for now, my head is kinda spinning, but I wanted to document as much as possible.

[DDJ]

You are definitely spinning. Reacting to what she's doing. Putting emotion into your interactions.

This is definitely not a week thing, it's probably been going on for months. Mine started flirting back in September 2015 and got head-over-heels in December 2015 after I almost disrespected our R with an OW. You have to believe that it was a PA, it will make the process easier for you to let go of her, and what she's done and still going to do. But that's her problem.

You need to focus on yourself.

[Coconut]

Here are the texts I emailed me...

Ww-yeah, it was a fun project to work on & it's kind of cool to be on the DVDs.
Om - cool. Good night baby (hearts)
Ww- good night my love, sweet dreams!!
Om- morning my love hearts
Ww - good morning baby!! I was just thinking about you! You were in my dreams last night! (Hearts)
Ww- this song makes me think of you baby (link)
Ww- did u listen to it
Om - no I can't right now. Dad is over my shoulder
Om- but the fact that you think of me is cute babe.
Ww- ahhh, ok. No problem. Listen when you can. Just wanted to let you know!! Good luck with your dad today (kisses)

Next
(Referring to picture of her in only her FIre fighter shirt)
Ww- well not around anyone other than you anyway.
Om- lol
Ww- my underwear & what's underneath it is reserved for only you
Om- smiley blowing kisses
Ww- smiley blowing kisses
Om- wish I could have seen more
Ww- I know, me too

Next
Om - lol
Ww- THINK ABOUT It, I could come come downstairs & give you a quick kiss before you head back! Lol (kisses). (Remember, I work in same office)

Next
Ww- thank you again baby for everything! You are the best & I really appreciate you! Love you so much!!!
Om - welcome. Love you too baby
Om- I love your kisses
Ww- Awww!!!!
Ww- I love yours too!!!
Om - (hearts)
Ww- I never want to leave when I'm with you.

Ouch, that was tough... But no tears, I feel like I need to, but soooooo angry right now.

[Coconut]

Oh, also, they met at fire station, she started that in early March.

[Coconut]

Do I contact OM spouse?

[DDJ]

No you don't contact anyone. I made the mistake of telling the world and their dog. Just gives her another excuse to leave you.

I found the same type of texts, only PG stuff really. I was lucky that the OM was not interested. Looking at those texts it does not look like it got physical, but only God will know.

Don't let it get to you, imagine that she was under the influence of a drug that distorted her ability to think straight. Then forget about them. Easier said than done though.

[Coconut]

Here's what I want to do:

-Contact Om spouse and clue her in
-contact MIL or S best friend to call her tomorrow, I gotta believe she's going to need someone, even though she is acting like a emotionless robot

What I really want to do is post texts on her fire stations Facebook page

What I AM going to do is none of that tonight, need to get off of emotional numbness first. I'm gonna go back and re-read Sandis advice on WW, I thought mine was WAW so didn't really sink in..

[Coconut]

Thanks DDJ.... It's really late, but I'm really glad someone is listening to me. I won't tell anyone for now, definitely not looking forward to my son finding out, I told my wife she could tell him whatever, just not to try and degrade me to him.