I was able to sit in the same room as STBXH on Monday and I asked him few questions regarding my house sale as it's his job to see the potential of a property or not. It was a cordial conversation.
Today didn't see much of him as soon as he was in, I went out with the dog, then got back in and straight out for my first singing lesson! OMG I was so rubbish but I gave it my best and I'm proud of that. So for a duet Shotgun I think it might take a while! STBXH on his way out asked me about the house I wanted to view. I thanked him for asking. He stayed by the door, so I stopped what I was doing and went towards him to answer his questions as I found it rude of him (I couldn't see him). Nevertheless all that time he never looked at me once!
Now is the best part, since Mother's Day I have been feeling sad/ unsettled about my conversation with him and this morning I woke up saying: Do I really want to be like that for the rest of my life? NO. Do I deserve to be treated how I am/ was? NO. Do I deserve to put my life on hold and accept his crumbs while he has moved on? NO. So when I saw him tonight there wasn't any physical attraction on my side, then I couldn't care less about what he did or said.
As far I'm concerned my M is really over and I need to move on with my life!
Interaction with STBX are to a minimum as I honestly can't be dealing with this anymore! I'm hurt but no matter what I do (NC, friendly approach) nothing works so I can truly say that it's over. STBXH is happy when he sees him as he doesn't look as rough as he used to!
It's a long road to acceptance that my M will not be saved! The hardest thing for me is the betrayal. I truly get that people fall out of love but bringing in a 3rd person into a marriage isn't right. If he wasn't that unhappy he should have gone and not stayed with me for two years! So I guess I wasn't that bad!
I know that if I had done this that maybe..., but at the moment it isn't brining me any comfort! In 3 days it will be a year anniversary of me kicking him out! The pain is still there but not as raw as I would expect. No tears just a great sadness within me!
I read on another website that it takes 3 to 5 years to recover from betrayal! At my pace I'll be 75 :-)!
On the other hand job is going very well and got praised for my good work. Nice to hear and I have started singing lesson. Well all I can say is that there was no flooding nor snow :-)!
I could do with some insight. I don't want to give to much details but next week is Easter Sunday and also one of my kids birthday, so far he hasn't mention any of the two. Last year I barred him from the Easter egg hunt as I was so hurt so not too sure if I should invite him for the hunt or even mention if he wants to pop round for the birthday. He usually sees them on that day anyway, the only difference is that it's a Bank holiday!
Just reporting. STBH took kids to a bike show then got back saying the youngest wanted to do biking and that i'll take there like we agreed. I replied: "have I?" and got the door slammed in my face. to put things into context he asked me bout it a while ago and I said that let the kid decides what she wants to do then we'll take it from here. I don't think that meant a yes from me as it means that I'll need to drive 30 minutes, wait for him to take over than I can go home. By the way it's the day he wants them overnight when I moved house.
Normally I'd have followed him to ask what the problem was or would have texted him to explain my reason why, but I didn't! 180 for me.
Today is my 1rst year anniversary of kicking him out and no tears, no anger just sadness. I think the cut from the knife wound will still be there for the rest of my life, although now I'm learning to live with it.
I don't fancy him anymore. I still love him unfortunately his latest behaviour is just proving me that all along he was/ is a selfish man and that I have completely disregarded all those red flags from the beginning.
What this pain has taught me is that since my childhood I have felt unloved but the support I got from my family since the discovery of the affair proved me wrong. It wasn't shown the right way. It has taught me that I can only fill myself with love, nobody else can, that I had/ have some issues that I needed/ still needs to address, that I have only 50 % of blame for the collapse of my marriage BUT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS THAT I NEED TO TRUST MY INNER VOICE MORE!
Thanks for reading this, and this forum has taught me so much about life and relationship.
Rouky as always I take great comfort in your words. You are so wise and so deep. You do need to trust your inner voice because it is so insightful. I am proud of you for being strong on the anniversary of kicking the cheater out of your house. You did the right thing then and you still are. Your statement that you still love your ex makes me that much more sure of what a loving caring person you are and I see what a treasure you are. I hope that you feel loved from your family and from me. You have a way of stealing hearts that you probably aren't aware of. Just be yourself because you are perfect. Buenos noches Princesa!
M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
Now I'm going to sound daft, but is it a phone number Shotgun? :-)
Funny day at work got awarded a medal by my students for bring the best teacher. I loved it, and now just had a cry because of STBXH.
I can't do it, I'm really struggling with this whole situation. How can he come see his kids in his own house, then happily go back to OW's house? How can he not see the pain I'm in? How can he be happy? It's his second relationship that he walked away from!
What I have done to deserve this? My head knows far too well that it's over, so why can't my heart feel it too? I'm so scared of the future and yet I'm less on the edge when the kids' father isn't there! I carry on with my day to day life. So I know I can live on my own and don't need him.
I'm so scared of being unlovable, not good for relationship. I'm not even sure I'm a good role model for my kids. It's been a year now, so why am I crying? Why do I feel so worthless! What have I done to deserve this? Is it pay back fine from a previous life? I know I'm backsliding but I don't why I'm in such a state!
Why is that woman is having my H every night in her house and playing happy family with her kids? How can he prefer to walk away from his second family and not even trying to sort things out? I feel used and discarded like a f€*!<>ng old tissue!
He is happy ( no kids to deal with or no day to day boring stuff), no remorse and no guilt! I don't understand it. I'm so hurt tonight and I don't even know why! :-(
Hold on tight Rouky. There is no explanation for this. Some people just get terribly self centered and narcissistic. There is nothing that you have done to deserve this and there is nothing you could have done differently to prevent it all. Take the day to cry and forgive yourself for having done it. Sometimes it is the only option and there is no shame in it. I rarely cry over my ex now but I do still get incredibly sad. Tomorrow will be better though and we will recover. Please call when you are up to it.
M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
