Ghost Busting - Time to accept what is happening

[sandi2]

Please discuss with your counselor about your how you hoard your thoughts and cannot let go of them.

I hope the CBT will help you in this area.

I continue to be impressed with how you work to get in better physical shape. I know it is not easy and takes self-discipline. That says something good about you, Ghost.

Has any appointments been made for your D17 to receive therapy?

[ATPeace]

Cbt was a no go the guy said I need to speak to relate to accept the marrage is over and come to terms with what is happening complet waste of time

My daughter will not go to therapy

W still wants to be in separate houses and I am actually starting to feel that this is going to be the best option

Being in house and the W wants nothing to do with me is unwilling to work on things so things cannot improve

She said I am going out tonight obviously I cannot ask where and when will she be getting back just have to watch her go and accept it it breaks my heart

I am at work day time and she throws it back at me so what is changing as I am not arround to do my share of the housework this leads to extra resntment

Nothing I do is good enough never was and now never will be

I am feeling that I am DONE

completely out of ideas feeling lost

Going to re read this thread

RD your advice has been great and I need to get my ass in gear

[roist]

What does done look like?

[sandi2]

Cbt was a no go the guy said I need to speak to relate to accept the marrage is over and come to terms with what is happening complet waste of time

WOW! Unbelievable! When Coach was here, he couldn't say enough good things about it, however, that was a few years ago. You must have gotten a lemon. Did someone say it was to help you with your MR?

My daughter will not go to therapy

If she is making suicidal threats, she may not get a vote. There is always a chance she is becoming a product of what she sees in her mother. She disrespects, gets dramatic, threatens, and throws fits when she doesn't get her way. Most kids want their parents to stay together, but this one wants her parents to split so she can live in a separate house. What does that tell you?

I am at work day time and she throws it back at me so what is changing as I am not arround to do my share of the housework this leads to extra resntment

I guess she wants you to skip work and stay home doing all of her jobs. So much for all that housework you were doing!

Nothing I do is good enough never was and now never will be

You've got that right!

RD your advice has been great and I need to get my ass in gear

I think we are all in agreement.

[broke]

Ghost,

Sorry you are going through this. I agree with a lot of what was said….

- you have much to be thankful for (I know it is hard to see - I try to keep a gratitude journal to remind me daily because it can be tough)

- D17 should have to get therapy if she is suicidal

- keep working on you (the working out is great)

I just wanted to share that my H moved out in October (over 5 months ago after 3 months of living in turmoil). Honestly, I don't know how you and W are even managing to live together after 10 months of the drama that surrounds our situations. Being separated physically has helped me become a better mom, stop being incredibly stressed by the situation and small things, stop being so enraged in front of the kids, work on my 180's and GAL goals. While my H has filed for D and we look headed there, being separated has allowed me to breathe again and find my voice again. I feel healthier. Your kids probably can feel the tension in the home - maybe it will help everyone.

I wish there was more that I could say to comfort you. Put the focus on you and your kids. You are stronger than you know.

[ATPeace]

Done looks like ....sandis rule book and keeping to it done looks like putting me first and finding some way to start to accept this for what it is

[Vapo]

G, I would really love it if you stopped wiggling like a there is a fire lit unde3r your ass and making excuses why you are not getting your ass in gear.

Stay strong buddy and lay off the hard stuff..

[ATPeace]

Cbt was a no go the guy said I need to speak to relate to accept the marrage is over and come to terms with what is happening complet waste of time

WOW! Unbelievable! When Coach was here, he couldn't say enough good things about it, however, that was a few years ago. You must have gotten a lemon. Did someone say it was to help you with your MR? no it is about my thinking I thought it might help but the guy was ...cbt is not what you need so I will speak to relate marrage councillors to see if they can help me to come to terms with this

My daughter will not go to therapy

If she is making suicidal threats, she may not get a vote. There is always a chance she is becoming a product of what she sees in her mother. She disrespects, gets dramatic, threatens, and throws fits when she doesn't get her way. Most kids want their parents to stay together, but this one wants her parents to split so she can live in a separate house. What does that tell you? I know my W has been speaking to her about when we go into separate houses I do not know what else she has been saying and tbh I cannot influence things so it will be what it will be

I am at work day time and she throws it back at me so what is changing as I am not arround to do my share of the housework this leads to extra resentment[ from my W to me because in her eyes I still am not doing my share /quote]

I guess she wants you to skip work and stay home doing all of her jobs. So much for all that housework you were doing! Yes complete bollocks nothing I do or did was ever good enough for her

[quote]Nothing I do is good enough never was and now never will be

You've got that right!

RD your advice has been great and I need to get my ass in gear

I think we are all in agreement.

It really is not easy being in an in house separation and all I can say is I do realise that I am stronger than I thought I was.

So I look arround the house and I keep thinking to myself when I go into my own house what do I take ...what items do I take with me pots pans knifes forces spoons plates toaster or do I just start a fresh with a few memories of the house as Posable

Do people regret not taking more than they did or do they regret taking not enough items and wish they had taken more than they did.

sandi I do not have words that I can give to you to thank you for being there for me I am a long way from moving forwards with my life but day by day I do feel stronger

How do I know anymore if I am doing the right thing ...I do not know what the right thing is for the children I do not want to be selfish this is not just about me never has been ...I have to do the right thing for the little ones.

I thought that trying to rebuild a family was the right thing W will not work on it so this leaves me with very few options and it is because she does not want to work on things that the tension is still there and the eggshells are under our feet

[sandi2]

You can't make another person love you. None of us can.

Focus on you and the boys. How you will get another house and fix it the way you three guys want it. Talk positive to the boys about how the three of you will do things together and how the whole house will be a man's cave.

I think when you actually get down to splitting things in the house, you may see more of W and D17's selfishness come forward. The sentimental things are the items that can't be replaced. Maybe you and W need to make separate lists of what you want, and then discuss it, if possible.

[vise82]

Hey AP,

Hang in there you are not done. you have a lot of work to do.
How far are you two with the separation agreement. that really needs to be the first thing you two do.

Also after your house is on the market you need to get approved for your next place based on what payments you will be making to W in the S agreement. From there you will know what you can buy for your next place.

I am going through this right now, you need to get moving on this stuff. Also let W take her part in it as well. Let her do most of the work as you don't want this but don't be the reason its not moving forward.

You can do this.