Hi Rouky, just catching up on your situation as I've not been on here for quite a while. You sound like you're doing well with detaching! I can't imagine being able to act like a friend to H!
Buenos Dias mi amor! I hope you are having a fantastic weekend. Just having a low key weekend here. My son and his fiance' are coming today and I am so excited. I have to straighten things up a little around here. How are things on the new home front? How are your children? Are things getting better financially? Surely the transitions you are going through will make things a little tight for a while. God will give you what you need because you are doing the things you are supposed to do. He blesses people who do things the right way like you do. You are a blessing to all of us here and your family as well. How is your family by the way? I pray that they are well.
I thinking about you this morning Rouky and I want you to be healthy and happy. The weather must be improving somewhat by now? Know how much you are loved and what an inspiration you are to me and everyone else who encounters you. Have a great weekend Dear!
M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
DB down the drain! Saw STBXH regarding the sale of property and we ended up talking R! I initiated it, yes I know I shouldn't have but I'm fed up of having hopes and waiting. Ask him why she hasn't been introduced to the girls, he said that at the moment the girls are happy, that there is no need, that in a few years time there might be someone else.
I asked him if he was happy and he says he is ok. He's looking forward living close to his sister, that he knows he isn't good in relationship, that he wants to go back to be his own boss.
I asked him if we were to D, he couldn't even say the words but he said that now the relationship is toxic, that he has seen first hand how it can be after an affair!
So I'm sad as I was hoping that I could my M. I feel stupid for believing that it could be saved. I feel hurt because I still love him but he doesn't. I don't know what I have deserved to be cheated on! Can't believe that I'm crying while writing this.
I sent him a text saying that I understand people fall out of love, that what I'm struggling with is the fact that there is no remorse nor any acknowledgment for what I have been going through, that I wasn't the perfect wife but not was he the perfect husband, but that at least I should have been treated in a respectful way.
Now I know it's the end. I thought that I had started to detached emotionally but I haven't.
I'm so very sorry. This journey is just so painful. You did not do anything to deserve to be cheated on. Nothing! Those of us who have unfaithful spouses are not to blame for their choice to break their marital vows and justify the affair by stating the M had problems. I truly believe that the WAS is empty and trying to fill themselves up with the wrong things. It has more to do with them than with us. They are unhappy and are searching for that "quick fix".
Be gentle with yourself. You were standing for your family and marriage. Don't be hard on yourself. I know it hurts. Who knew emotional pain could make you hurt so physically?! I'm thinking of you and fear I'm headed down the same path as you..... Still in love with an H who has moved on. ((Hugs))
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
Oh Rouky I cry with you. I'm sure most of the people who follow you have misty eyes after reading your last post. As broke says you did nothing to deserve your fate. And you having stood for your family is something that you will always be able to take solace in. Unfortunately I doubt if you will truly grieve until the marriage is officially over. As much as I now dislike my ex I do still love her and probably always will. On the day my divorce is final I will bawl like a hungry baby. My goal now is to not completely break down in court. I wish that I was there to hold your hand but I recognize that you are truly alone in your grief.
As for any failure in DB you must accept that you are a human with deep emotions and attachment to someone who you spent so much time with and built so much with. For me it has become helpful to accept that most of the blame falls on my wife as she is the one who strayed and refused to work on our marriage. My peace lies with knowing that I gave everything I had to the marriage and to DBing.
I love you Rouky and would give anything to lift your pain and I hope you know what your words have meant to me in the last year. No comfort for you I know but you are always in my heart and there is a least one man on this earth that knows what a catch you are. God will bring peace to us and will show us the way forward. He forgives us so we must forgive our spouse and also forgive ourselves. I think that is where the healing will come from and I pray that we have the strength to reach for it. Have a great week Rouky and stay strong!
M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
Well worst Mother's Day ever. Could hardly function. Felt bad for my kids but really couldn't do it. I called a friend who came to see me as I was so low. I think my stage of denial has crumbled big time and now I'm on reality channel. I feel stupid for believing we could work things out. Why loving someone who doesn't love you hurts so much? Well I know: fear of being second hand good, fear of finishing the rest of my life on my own while STBXH is happy with his new life! Now I'm getting bitter, so I'd rather stop.
It's called backsliding. It's OK. You're human and if you didn't feel any pain I'd be surprised. An R talk isn't fantastic, but it's done and the only good thing to come out of this is that you know not to do it again.
I know how hard it is. Peace.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Rouky, I understand what happened... They start to open up a little, and then we jump on it with reconciliation. And it never works. I did same thing, numerous times.
Let's make this time different for both of us...
I am telling myself if and when husband wants reconciliation, he will have to make effort to set it in motion. If he does not inititiate on his own, it's an indicator that he won't work on it. For the marriage to succeed both have to work on it. They know where we are if they want it.
In the meantime, we have to detach and get on with our lives. I am trying to emotionally withdraw and go numb now. Stonewall...when he temperature checks, (which he will )I need to Continue with being detached.
Why do we even want them back? Do their actions make them these big prizes to win back? NO WAY! We actually need this distance too, so we can determine whether we want to be with these people. We need to get out of our own fogs. Cause they are not really based on reality either.
Why do we even want them back? Do their actions make them these big prizes to win back? NO WAY! We actually need this distance too, so we can determine whether we want to be with these people. We need to get out of our own fogs. Cause they are not really based on reality either.
Sometimes I think as the LBS, we sometimes forget this. We are hanging on so tight to our M that we lose sight of the fact that we have a choice, too.
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
Yes, I think it was Ancaire that termed it a "LBS fog"
Would any of us knowingly want to date a guy that we knew cheated on and left his wife and small kids?
NO WE WOULD NOT!!!!! Warning signs would be going off. I would be repulsed by a man that could do that.
I know I would be attracted to a man that was loyal and committed. So why are we the ones that are jealous and longing for them back? Why are we making excuses for them?
