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U, I think it is PARAMOUNT that your S does not feel that separation is in any way his fault. He could have nasty emotional scars from this...

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Uphill Offline OP
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I totally understand that vapo. That is a lot of what is in my head right now! I want him to know that none of this is his fault. At the same time I also want him to know that I tried with everything I have! What are your recommendations on how to respond to him?


Me 34, XF 27
Many years together
Son 4
Engaged
Not engaged
Many false starts by XF
7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life
2/17 girlfriend moves in my home


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Well, I'll start with the obvious.

1. Do not badmouth his mother in front of him. Regardless of how she acts, she is still his mother.
2. Rather than buy him $hit load of stuff, do stuff with him. Spend QUALITY time with him, so when you are with him, do not play with your phone, computer or ipad, play with him!
3. Go down to his level, go on all fours, roll around with him, tickle him, mock wrestle with him.
4. Teach him stuff, teach him to ride a bike, teach him to swim, teach him to play ball, teach him how to bale a bow and arrows, how to carve out a flute...
5. Teach him the way life works, teach him integrity, honesty.
6. Do not be a pushover , children need boundaries. Be strong, firm, but fair, be the rock.
7. Listen to your intuition aka gut feeling...

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Uphill Offline OP
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Ok, then I keep doing what I'm doing! smile I didn't know if there was a secret to keeping his life more stable/less confusing.


Me 34, XF 27
Many years together
Son 4
Engaged
Not engaged
Many false starts by XF
7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life
2/17 girlfriend moves in my home


Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 1,016
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Uphill Offline OP
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I know, I'm asking some beginner questions again. Most of this is obvious to me, just having a bit of a hard time remembering all the correct answers


Me 34, XF 27
Many years together
Son 4
Engaged
Not engaged
Many false starts by XF
7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life
2/17 girlfriend moves in my home


Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,277
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No worries U, you will soon get the hang of things...

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Keep being the best dad you can be, Uphill. To me, there is nothing more attractive than a really good dad and family man! And, it will only help your son in the future with his relationships and how he navigates tough situations.


M 44 H 46
M 20yrs T 25 yrs
S15 S12

ILYBINILWY 7/18/15
Move to MBR 9/8/15
Physical Separation 10/10/15
Suspect A 8/2015
Confirm A 12/27/15
D filed by H 2/2/16
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Uphill Offline OP
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I hope so vapo, everything on my mind lately has me forgetting the basics. Constantly reading sandi's 37 and trying to remember all I have learned here.

Broke, that is my biggest and most valuable goal I have. No matter what, S4 deserves everything I can provide as a father. The more snuggles the better!


Me 34, XF 27
Many years together
Son 4
Engaged
Not engaged
Many false starts by XF
7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life
2/17 girlfriend moves in my home


Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 1,016
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Uphill Offline OP
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Today has been a long day, kept myself from reaching out. It just feels so wrong but I know it's what I have to do...


Me 34, XF 27
Many years together
Son 4
Engaged
Not engaged
Many false starts by XF
7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life
2/17 girlfriend moves in my home


Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 770
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Agreed….it feels like by detaching that they will pull further and further away and not miss us. But, pursuing, begging and pleading for reconciliation didn't work. So, I figure it can't hurt to try DB'ing. Keep it up - I know it is hard!


M 44 H 46
M 20yrs T 25 yrs
S15 S12

ILYBINILWY 7/18/15
Move to MBR 9/8/15
Physical Separation 10/10/15
Suspect A 8/2015
Confirm A 12/27/15
D filed by H 2/2/16
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