V - that sounds truly awful. I'm so sorry you have to go through that. It sounds so real - I'm sure it's terrifying for you. I have to say - I'm glad you are free of your WH. If he's what's causing these horrible flashbacks I'm glad he's in Italy and no where near you.
You are so helpful and giving on these boards. I value your feedback greatly. I sincerely hope you can get your D moving in the right direction and the flashbacks will stop. I'm thinking and praying for you. ((Hugs))
Thanks broke, it is more disturbing than anything.
It is possibly because WH has been seen in and around the village and when I work on the Fins it triggers if it's that period. Plus I have been working on my D paperwork.
I am afraid of WH. Truly I am and it is because of the uncertainty.
My non mol has lapsed.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
I made the decision a while ago to be open to putting my experiences on the board. Abuse is a separate dynamic although it interacts with DB.
I want others to see that this isn't easy, otherwise I sense Newcombers feel this is all rosy. Stuff triggers this and actually much less often these days.
Glam sis was supposed to come this weekend and has cancelled because of snow and ice.
That means I can work and sleep.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Sleep is oh so healing sweet lady. I prayer for some restful, peaceful sleep for you. Sweet and peaceful dreams. Thinking of you always V. I may not be posting right now but I always come and see how you are. Loads of rainbow tummy love. Thank you so much for helping me heal. Jellyxxx
V, if I could hop across the pond, I'd take you up on that offer.
As to the PTSD, I"m going to put my professional hat on and ask you what specific type of therapy the IC is using to help address your issues. Also, as to what meds you are currently taking... If they're not really enough to provide the threshold you are needing in those moments, you might want to consider asking your prescribing health worker about a PRN medication when it's really bad. With your physical makeup, and me not being an MD, I can't tell you which is right or wrong and only offer suggestions that have worked with others.
One amazing type of therapy that I've seen work amazingly well with trauma and PTSD is EMDR. Fascinating thing it is. To my understand it basically helps to rewire your brain, turn down the vibrancy of the trauma, and helps you to move forward. People that have been through it describe themselves as feeling "unstuck."
Just some thoughts for you to take as you will.
M: 8.5 T:10 Me:37 W:34 S:6
Retrouvaille and W moves back- 7/31/15 Piecing - 7/4/15 to present
I am so sorry about your nightmares and that you have to deal with the after affects of such a horrific relationship. It is good that you are dealing with it now instead of just ignoring and suppressing it. The nightmares will lessen with time.
It can be scary and threatening, but you are becoming more and more empowered. You have continued to grow stronger and stronger because of these emotional challenges. Kind of like adding weights to your exercise builds muscle strength. You are building incredible spiritual strength that is going to help you conquer these Deamons, Your courage to address and fight is greatly admired. Not many are able to openly admit to being in this type of relationship. This takes a lot of courage. You are not afraid to fight and stand up for yourself.
You were not afraid to walk away and that says the world
Your research and devotion to this area is going to help you and I strongly suspect, many others. Making these issues more aware to the public is very important. I think you post about a very important topic that does not often get explored and that many people like to hide away or admit to.
Just got caught up on your thread. I'm really sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time right now and that Glam Sis has cancelled. Do take care of yourself and rest as much as you can. You are doing everything possible to deal with your issues and that is so admirable.
Hugs and prayers!
Di-mond in the rough M-45 H-38 My children S-25 D-23 T 5 M 4 H left April Fools Day 2015
Sleep is oh so healing sweet lady. I prayer for some restful, peaceful sleep for you. Sweet and peaceful dreams. Thinking of you always V. I may not be posting right now but I always come and see how you are. Loads of rainbow tummy love. Thank you so much for helping me heal. Jellyxxx
Thank you Jellyb, I did sleep well last night. It's very cold here and I like an icy air in the bedroom.
Yesterday I spent the day so close to tears and couldn't cry. Low mood although not so destructive. The nameless dread is manageable most of the time.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
V, if I could hop across the pond, I'd take you up on that offer.
I have a little bit of a reputation as a hostess and am advised my food is yummie.
As to the PTSD, I"m going to put my professional hat on and ask you what specific type of therapy the IC is using to help address your issues.
I have had two therapies the first is NLP desensitisation with a smattering of DBT. Classic therapy from the NHS for CPTSD. Although that was only 6 sessions it helped a great deal. Classic talk therapy is not helping very much, Gamanon (12 step) helps sometimes and other times not, although generally it works well. Posting helps too as do my studies and research.
Also, as to what meds you are currently taking... If they're not really enough to provide the threshold you are needing in those moments, you might want to consider asking your prescribing health worker about a PRN medication when it's really bad.
ADs are contraindicated in intermittent CPTSD. After discussion my GP and I decided that meds were going to be hard to take when episodes were erratic and intense. I also have diabetes so I am trying healing from the physiology up with good die t and exercise. I had a bad time recently with work overload.
With your physical makeup, and me not being an MD, I can't tell you which is right or wrong and only offer suggestions that have worked with others.
Thank you, I value your support.
One amazing type of therapy that I've seen work amazingly well with trauma and PTSD is EMDR. Fascinating thing it is. To my understand it basically helps to rewire your brain, turn down the vibrancy of the trauma, and helps you to move forward. People that have been through it describe themselves as feeling "unstuck."
I have had four sessions of EMDR. It helped a little. Most of the therapies have worked quite well when I am conscious, primarily NLP and desensitisation has been the most useful with triggers. For instance I now no longer have full blown triggered panic attacks, for instance in supermarkets or using my locker. I can now sleep in the MBR. I even put dirty dishes in the dishwasher, and I cook meat with bones and I also buy orange juice, it is the worst rants that caused the damage created the greatest trauma.
My observation is that I cope well when I have conscious control, when I am awake . All of the techniques are invaluable in my self control and negotiating triggers. Sleep and waking when I am unconscious or semi conscious are the real problem. Until I come to full conscious state and I regain control that's when the cPTSD takes control. It isn't every day I can go for a month and then have a day or so of full blown, there are hangover effects sometimes for days until I bring it back to balance. Generally it's reduced from every second or third day to a few a month with one serious episode for every two or three minor ones.
I guess it will unfold in time.
Alcohol and caffeine make it worse so when it occurs so I have stopped drinking if I trigger.
There isn't much help here and very few trained specialists, I have had to research and seek counsellors. I am quite determined, I even got sacked by one counsellor, RD was there for me when I triggered because of it. It was a very low moment for me and I will thank my higher spirit and RD forth at guidance. RD knows how much he means to me.
Just some thoughts for you to take as you will.
I have been self treating with Havening, I think it's helped although I would prefer a guided therapeutic route. This is a new field for me.
I have had Freedom program guidance for abuse targets. My GP thinks I am doing well.
----------------------------------------------
In your experience how long does this take?
Is there full recovery or is this likely to last intermittently for the rest of my life?
The good news is this isn't a pathology in the traditional sense and of course not organic disease. It's a reactive disorder and there will be triggers. I am told its 'stuckness' or cycling. From my research the solution seems to be learning to feel and to connect the memory to the feeling so it can be processed.
There seems to be an adrenalin interaction, in other words it's worse when I am afraid. That is why the desensitisation worked so well. I think.
I do feel like I am on my own journey with this. Few of the medical practitioners and therapists up have been treated with have suffered with this, they minimise the impact of it.
I sense that early awareness of what was happening would have helped. Whilst I don't regret DB, my view is that in a sitch like mine it is for self and early NC is indicated. I am lucky not to be codependent as that elongates the abuse cycle.
I am clear that my boundaries are that I will never be treated like that again.
Thank you for your help and advice. Can you pint me in the direction of where to look for extra resources?
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
i had few boundaries when I arrived here, now I do. These are my Perspex shield to the rants and spew.
My healing began the day I went NC, it's a long journey and I think I will be here for a long time yet. One day I will examine the second issue of WH MLC. I am aware that WH behaves systematically abusive and also in MLC. A little like a man with Malaria having a broken leg (going gangrene).
I am gradually detaching from feeling sad that WH is that way, his behaviour his choices. This morning he wakes a year older wherever he is, an adulterer behaving abusively with great losses in his life, including the loss of himself. I have no forgiveness for him, and I have detached myself from the need to forgive. That is society's demand, that forgiveness will heal me, trying to forgive just gave me guilt. And my failure to do made me ashamed, it is WH to ask his higher power or for that higher power to grant it.
To a large extent my PTSD is my circus, my monkeys not WHs issue. My reaction and my healing.
I truly hope my openness will help others, what they make of it is of course their choice. That My journey is open is important to me, from time to time I read my threads over again. I choose one thread and I have hope that I can heal.
Thank you Ju for being a fellow traveller on my journey. V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
