I Still Think It's Too Late (pt 2)

[1313]

I got the prompt to start a new thread, so here it is continued.

I so didn't see getting this far. A second thread? But now I know the W isn't going to suddenly "snap out of it", and the D is going forward at warp speed.

Summary: WAW, OM, married almost 30 years. W lawyered up and filed for D. Knew things were bad - didn't expect that. Pretty much zero communication since moving out. That's when the W "flicked the switch" and turned on the other person. Have to beg to get access to home. Was being harassed by the W's assistant, or using the house as blackmail to do work. Except for yesterday, it's gone dark for the last week and a half.

Today I emailed the W asking to transfer her domain and hosting to her - which I should have done a month and a half ago. But, being a nice guy (ugh) I wanted to make sure that things were working for them. Plus I suppose there was still a bit of "holding on" taking place, although I didn't realize it at the time.

Just having had this domain for 20 something years...
But I don't want anything to do with it any longer. It's hers, it's her name (well partly) and that text message yesterday from the assistant was pretty much the straw. If this were the only thing I had to let go of I'd be ecstatic.

[1313]

Well nice, my partner and friend just called to check in on me and give me a pep talk. He had some great observations. It seems people are slowly coming back out - perhaps they took cover to make sure there were no more bombs dropping?

Anyway, it was nice to hear from him, that's 2 in as many days.

I almost wish I had a Sandi quick-start guide to hand out to try to explain just what happened to the W.

I think the thing that most can't understand is being so close to retirement.

The friend that called today also had an observation about how people can change when they find success - and in the case of the W that's true. She made a phenomenal amount last year - and now I see where the money for the L is coming from. Squirreled away in a secret bank account. However, half of that is mine. Welcome to California.

[1313]

Wow. It's gotta stop sometime.

As mentioned above, I sent an email asking to transfer the W's domain to her.

I get back an email accusing me of tampering with their systems - it sounds like hacking on a level far beyond my expertise.

She seems oblivious to any of the communication I've had with her assistant. She doesn't know about my giving her passwords, walking her through things - any of it.

I suggested she try looking at her assistant's text messages and emails.

I simply stated what happened when - and suggested if she's so worried she get an IT guy in and change her passwords.

It sounds like their IT guy is not the best if he can't get their one drive functioning. I had assumed she figured out that she had turned sharing on with me and turned it off - I knew it would happen sometime. But - I don't consider handing me strategies with the L snooping.

Anything else? I've disconnected. I've even unsubscribed things so I don't see what she's doing. It hurts too much to know her plans - she doesn't get it.

Apparently, anything that goes wrong technically is my fault - I knew it would be - but not quite in this way.

Man, I never liked roller coasters. Can I say I'm too tall for this ride?

[1313]

Oh yeah, and I said if she's so concerned, "change your GD passwords!"

Thing is - I bet she has.

Does this go a little beyond the normal WW hate/loathe/disgust and drift into paranoia? Or is it normal(ish)?

[Cadet]

Or is it normal(ish)?

If you could call any of this normal then - YES it is.

[TimR]

Yeah I think it is. My WW is still threatening and I think planning to phase me out of S's life. I guess there are not levels WWs will not stoop to.

[1313]

Cadet:

[1313]

Tim,
And, I probably - well not probably - definitely went off DB protocol here. I took offense (not too strongly) to being accused of hacking her computer and trying to sabotage her business. This does neither of us any good.

And to have her say I refused to give them a password or help them - all I could do was envision the collective eye-roll back here after being chewed out for helping them as much as I did.

Like I said, I gave her a day-by-day breakdown of this whole password thing, and then forwarded the emails to back it up. Only once, one time - did I refuse to give her the password - or more specifically I refused to go in and remove myself as administrator for the PC. That was the day I found out the W had changed the padlock on the storage unit. That was a Saturday and on Monday I thought better of it and gave them 2 options to go with.

In fact the days leading up to this - I said I would help them but they needed to clarify (or the assistant) what "password" she was talking about. Then - I say I'll come in, just give me a time today because I'm free. I don't hear anything for a day, and the next message I get is "well, we've decided not to wait for you and moved on" or something to that effect.

I send a "WTF?" and it turns out the assistant thought she had sent me an email, but sent it to everybody but me.

Can this get weirder? Oh that's right, you're giving me a run for the money, aren't you Tim?

Anyway, I sent the emails, spelled out I didn't appreciate being accused of these things - and then threw out the biggest clue for why the assistant's one drive isn't working.

she. needs. to. be. logged. on. to. her. microsoft. account.

Some IT guy if he can't figure that one out. There's several ways to go about sharing the drive. The IT guy figured out how to take me off, but apparently didn't figure out logging the assistant on with her new PC. Plus, I've got no idea what her account is, or the password. Again, I said write it down.

I actually got a photo of a package that arrived at the house, with acknowledgement it was there only minutes ago.

This is as positive a step as I've seen. I had photographic equipment arrive there because the mailman ignored the address, and "knew" where I lived. She never told me there were packages there - and I almost lost these guys. Why would they send me free stuff for evaluation and review if it disappears?

I have a sneaking suspicion that the W did look at the assistant's texts and saw that I've been treated like crap for almost 2 months. Plus the "you're not a man" thing out of the blue and unprovoked. That's the W's territory! Plus, an answer back from me that might have embarrassed the W at the very least.

Ok - now you!
The advantage you've got if you could call it that is your Son is old enough and smart enough to know what's going on. When I was young and very close to that age (15) - I understood that my Step Dad had no obligation to have much of anything to do with me. But he did, and while we were often at odds, I loved him for giving a crap. My Dad was nowhere in the picture and could have been. I understood the difference, nobody was stopping him.

Your Son is going to be able to tell who's doing what. He's got a brain of his own, and could even start to resent his Mother for doing these things. She's playing a dangerous game. He's not 7 years old.

Continue doing what you're doing. Be there for him when you can. He'll realize who's stopping what. He'll know you haven't bailed, rather you can't get past a wall. At this age he needs a Father figure more than ever.

I hope he's not aware of what your MIL is doing on social media - or is he? The courts would frown on this sort of behavior I would venture to guess.

Well, it looks like we got through one more day - huh?

[TimR]

Hey 1313, I cannot blame you about what you said. I certainly think you have no obligation to go back to help. She fired you don't keep doing work unless you are getting paid for it. In fact you may want to tell them you are going to start billing for your time and they are going to have to send so my prepayment. IMO she is cake eating. Further it is about boundaries for you. You are nice enough to continue to help and what is your reward... to be pooped on. I don't know if that would help or hurt your sitch but what continues to ring in my mind is Sandi talking about no more mr. nice guy and why are Hs so afraid of making their WW angry.

I am not telling you to be mean and spiteful. But I am telling you WW or especially her assistant should not get to treat you like a door mat.

[1313]

Hi Tim,
I've not heard anything back today about transfer of domains, or a way to give her the "intellectual property" she wants back (scans of her paintings) - since she's got everything I need to do that.

It could be that she's busy - but I have a feeling I'm going to have another blackout and then suddenly things have to happen again. If I get one of those, I'm not even going to bother to answer.

This is like Sandi's 37 on steroids. And she's got a terminator robot doing her dirty work.

I'm getting really close to finishing the painting I'm doing for the charity auction, and I really want to be able to scan it. That means I need to beg for access to the house.

I think I should let the L know that I've gotten messages like I have from the assistant - it's one thing to be stressed if the W lets me in - but somebody else? Maybe I can ask for a neutral party like her Mother or Father. How could she not trust them? I'd just say I'm not going there to take anything. If I let her know what I'm going there for - well the scanner could vanish.

I think I might actually be starting to resent the W, maybe I'm finally moving into anger.