In House S (7)

[Vapo]

Vise, Hang on buddy, it gets better, it really does, but man oh man, wait until you release her from your mind, you will loose soo much weight, you will think you are flying.

I know what you are going trough, Fogg does as well, Otw and a couple of other blokes as well. I felt like my heart was ripped from my guts, then thrown in front of me and then stomped on and set on fire while the evil bitch grinned in my face. She rubbed the affair in my face, I was a zombie for a better part of the year post BD.

Then it just clicked. [censored] that! I deserve better than that. I deserve love and some respect. [censored] that $hit. I came to the realization that I will be just fine if I'm alone. I have my kids, I'm gonna be the best god damn dad EVER. And if the bitch was willing to throw away the best thing that ever happened to her, well that is her right and HER GOD DAMN LOSS.

I WILL NOT ME HER KEEPER. She is an adult, she can learn to fend for herself. I am not being a dick to her, but her favor asking days are OVER. I am here for ME an MY KIDS and MY FRIEND and MY FAMILY. AND THAT IS IT.

Believe me Vise, I carried the weight of the world in my heart, I soooo wanted to explode at times, numerous times I asked WHY to the sky.

I got ME back. I grew and I continue growing, I learned to do stuff I never dreamed, I got "superpowers", I can read people like a book and a whole bunch more.

I do not know if you believe in God, bud Vise, the higher power is the only authority that can help you and take the burden for you. What we loaded onto ourselves was waaaaaaaaaaaaay more than we could carry, so it was either give it to The big guy, or end up crushed under 16 tons of crap our exes piled onto us. I chose door No. 1 and man it feels good. It feels good to breathe again.

I would be lying if I said I do not care for my X any more, but she is making her choices and I respect that. I do not snoop, it is really pointless, I am most glad when I don't hear or see her. I have life of my own, I have hobbies, I travel the world on my own, I loooooove my new life, I get a do over on everything. Find out what you really want in life and make it happen. Your life is no over Vise, it is only beginning.

Red or blue pill?

[Thornton]

Damn, Vapo!

TESTIFY!

I want some of what you got, buddy!

Being this early on in the sitch really makes it hard to see ANY light at the end of the tunnel.

Thanks for talking a little about your journey, it definately helps to hear from others that have traveled this path before us.

[Ojap]

Yea...Vapo is straight up 'preaching'!

Honestly...I needed to hear that tonight. Good stuff, man. Everyone once in a while, when we are in our own 'fog' of anxiety, loss, pain...we can step out of all those and see that life will go on without H or W...but those glimpses are few and far between.

It does the heart good to hear from those who have weathered the storm, and found safe harbor on the other side! Thanks again!

[vise82]

hey,

normally I don't go on here at this time of night. I had a great time with my boys, W worked late, she is home and I put them to bed, then she is on me about my check for 56% of the bills but I see the car payment s on there for a car she will be taking soon and she wants me to pay the whole premium for my life insurance.

Just more stuff that I wont have to deal with when the S agreement gets signed.

Thanks VAPO your word were well directed to what I needed to read. I was getting a taste of what your talking about then I lost that over the last couple of days.

I am sitting here and W is on the phone with her mom talking about if she talked to the lawyer and if that part of the mortgage is done. All of it stinging as this was the MIL that welcomed me into her family only to help break this one apart. Its hard not to take it personally. Giving W the money to see this S through stung my heart. How is she going to learn anything if they keep bailing her out. When I married her they joked she was my problem now, well looks like the tables have turned, W is their problem now.

[Ojap]

Wow...I would get out of that room, Vise. Seriously...I couldn't imagine holding my emotions in check if that type of convo was going on. Protect yourself. Your emotions, and your ability to respond wisely.

I have worked with children and adolescents for quite a while. I can honestly say that bad parenting (bailing out, not allowing children to face consequences or fail, giving when they should withhold, and vice versa) creates very unstable and unproductive adults. Not saying that is your W...but 'spoiled' adults act just like 'spoiled' kids. It IS absolutely possible for them to grow & change though....don't give up on that just yet, my friend.

[vise82]

Hey pajo,

W is spoiled.

So I have been feeling terrible and wife has picked up on it, She talked to me this morning saying whats going on your were ok with S for the last two days , what is wrong. Then she is asking if the people can come into the house to take the listing pictures.

I was angry, she is asking and I cant say no so why ask? I said back there is nothing I can do so go ahead take the pictures. I was angry. I think its because we told the kids and nothing changed. I had a little hope something would change. My S7 this morning asked to see photos of the house his mom is buying. He is happy for the new houses.

I left the house and W texts me asking what is wrong, I haven't replied. I don't know what to say to her.

Was thinking of saying this is not easy for me, I have good days and bad days.

I got approved for the house I was looking at and I am not as happy as I should be about it. Its that I just feel so alone. with no one to love but my kids. I feel so empty.

I know its just feelings and they will pass.

[otw]

I'm sorry vise.

You need to put the fake it face on around her.

You have to accept the mindset that nothing can improve living the way you are and this may be your only chance to see if things will change.

Realize she doesn't feel free even though the in house had been going on. I know you felt different but she needs to remove herself from you still. Her mind is set. That doesn't mean it won't change but that is the way it is right now.

You need to find a way t not have the attitude around her. These are your last in house impressions.

[Zephyr]

W is spoiled.

So what. You are not feeding that anymore, right? She will have to figure out for herself if that is the woman she wants to be.

Its that I just feel so alone. with no one to love but my kids. I feel so empty.

I know its just feelings and they will pass.

Continue to love your kids. There is one more prrson in this equation that desperately needs the love that you are begging to gove to someone...who could really use it....take a guess??? What can you do today for that man?

[Vapo]

What is wrong she asks?!?! Who the f is she kidding? Take your balls from her purse and say what is wrong. Tell her that you do not want a divorce and if she wants one, she can bloody well work for it herself. Tell her it's her divorce not yours.

I can guarantee you she honestly does not know why you are not happy with divorce. She is residing in Looney ville right now...

[vise82]

Hey

OTW,

I get what you are saying fake it its the last impression, don't give the resistance to what she wants. let her /us move out and sell the home. It takes two to R and once to want S.

She wants S, I have resisted for 9 months. I can hold her hostage like this any more.

I get it its just in the last couple of days after telling the kids I am on a down turn. I was doing good at faking it. Then of course W likes it she gets what she think she wants.

I need to continue with that path, dealing with the problems I have now while still having hope for the future.

Zephyr

Yes she will need to figure out things on her own, This whole sale of the house she is doing on her own.

Yes I am forgetting me, to love me. good point. I want to crawl under a rock and just forget about everything. I don't know what can I do for myself? I can lock in this house I was looking at and get this house I am living in sold. When I was thinking of living on my own I felt a little better, maybe I should be doing that more.

VAPO,

I have said that that, I have said through out the 9 months of in house S that I don't want this. It wont help me now to do that right now. I need to just think of this as a business transaction. That's what I read months ago.

In a text w sent to a friend of hers, she said that I will change my mind about S once I see how much money I will be getting from FIL. So be it. The money will help me get my own place. With out it, I would be staying in the house till the bitter end.

I think with me now answering the question answers the question of what is wrong?

I am all about doing things on my own but I tried and she is not changing her mind. I need the help so I am taking it. If they want to buy me off so that there grand kids have a nice place to live... I need to take it.