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#2658430 03/01/16 03:26 AM
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Uphill Offline OP
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Me 34, XF 27
Many years together
Son 4
Engaged
Not engaged
Many false starts by XF
7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life
2/17 girlfriend moves in my home


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Uphill Offline OP
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Bat signal for sandi. Could you please take a look at the last few pages of my sitch and give your honest thoughts?


Me 34, XF 27
Many years together
Son 4
Engaged
Not engaged
Many false starts by XF
7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life
2/17 girlfriend moves in my home


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Posts: 1,016
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Uphill Offline OP
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Actually, these events took a turn on feb 1st which is right here. http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2630923&page=10

Then continues through thread number 13 until now


Me 34, XF 27
Many years together
Son 4
Engaged
Not engaged
Many false starts by XF
7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life
2/17 girlfriend moves in my home


Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 1,016
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Uphill Offline OP
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Just bumping this in hopes that Sandi sees it.


Me 34, XF 27
Many years together
Son 4
Engaged
Not engaged
Many false starts by XF
7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life
2/17 girlfriend moves in my home


Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 1,016
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Uphill Offline OP
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Glad to see the forum back up and running, I was going through withdrawal haha


Me 34, XF 27
Many years together
Son 4
Engaged
Not engaged
Many false starts by XF
7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life
2/17 girlfriend moves in my home


Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 1,016
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Uphill Offline OP
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Anyway, in the world of uphill... XF is still on the colder side of the street. She didn't completely shut me out but has been shorter with her words and doesn't initiate as much contact as last week. I have toned back my approach to match hers. I still reach out once a day or so just to say hi, thinking about cutting that out completely? Last week it was recieved very well but as mentioned the responses are shorter so maybe it's best to just eliminate that for now. I just didn't want to look like a jerk by stopping completely as if I was angry.

I looked at that both ways. By being a bit cordial and saying good morning, it reinforces what we had talked about last week that we are on very good terms lately. On the other shoe, it makes me a friend which isn't what I signed up for. That is how I decided on middle ground, just a short message that makes me look like a good person.


Me 34, XF 27
Many years together
Son 4
Engaged
Not engaged
Many false starts by XF
7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life
2/17 girlfriend moves in my home


Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 770
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I struggle with the friends vs. not friends as well. Since I stop acting on all my anger about 3 weeks ago, it seems like my WAH thinks we are best buddies. I am trying to walk the line of not being cold, but also not being his friend. I put together some boundaries that I am trying to stick to and I am focused on being civil yet abrupt. It's very tricky. But, sounds like you have a good plan to not pursue - I know it must be so tough after you thought you were on the path to reconciliation. Keep it up


M 44 H 46
M 20yrs T 25 yrs
S15 S12

ILYBINILWY 7/18/15
Move to MBR 9/8/15
Physical Separation 10/10/15
Suspect A 8/2015
Confirm A 12/27/15
D filed by H 2/2/16
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Maybe pull back a little more. Go a day without texting and she how she reacts. If she says something, just tell her you are buried at work.

DB says to experiment and monitor results. Try not texting her for a day or two and monitor the results.

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are you always the one to reach out? Why?

Have you attempted any time not reaching out? How long?


M 37
W 34

T 12
M 8
D 7
S 4

Need break 4/12/15
W no ring 7/7/15

Separate room 4/12/15
Separate living suggested 8/15
W moved out 11/1/15
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I would agree that a daily text seems like a lot. I would certainly try extending that to a few days. In my sitch, it has extended to a few weeks now - but then we don't have a child together...


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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