In House S (7)

[vise82]

Hey AP,

Feel free to post on my thread, I think what you have as an idea of how to split the finances needs to prepared by the lawyer. Get it on paper through the lawyer.

So for for me we are not doing what my lawyer recommended and what I first thought I wanted to do. Are putting the S agreement together with out doing the financial disclosure paper work. But that is because we don't have much. Unless W has hidden $$ somewhere. I don't think so, we were pay check to pay check for a while when the kids were small. Now we both have been working for a couple of years.

So things are moving, we now have an offer on the house. The market is hot right now and houses in my area are selling with in days. I put the application in to rent to own a house, and waiting to hear back from that. W looked at a house this weekend and I think she put an offer on it. All this and we don't have the S agreement just yet. Its there in principal just not done going through W lawyer. Then I get to go through it with my L.

We spent all weekend cleaning and working together well to get things done.

We had the talk with the kids. Nothing was said as far as S or D: hey kids, mom and dad are going to get their own houses and we are going to live and sleep in separated houses. This means you guys will get two bedrooms to have as your own.

They we on board, thought is was great to have two houses and named a few kids in there school who have two houses. W started naming family members who had two houses. At first S7 put his head down with the news for like 10 min, then was fine about it.

This was not the out come I was thinking.

Later that night I put the kids to bed and it was normal with them. W came to me to talk and ask how it went and we talked about it, then she is standing there trying to remember what she was going to say and I said you were going to say good night, then she says ok and you want me to out you to bed too. I quipped back yes please. Then she says after she was out of the room Not a chance. It was like she forgot she was S from me and had to correct her self as we haven't had a banter like that in forever.

But really it is what it was and the S is going forward. I have to admit I was hoping she would back down before telling the kids. She started the conversation with them and her eyes were tear filled. but the kids made it really easy. Now I don't know if they are over compensating like a new dog you bring home is on it best behaviour?

Now I am starting to see myself living on my own. And thoughts of the future of how could we get back together if it we to how it would happen? It would be like dating again? Is it a clean slate? I see myself comparing other women to my W and if they would be a better fit. Would I pick my W to date over say this woman or that one? I don't know. I do know that I need to get through this housing part so that I have a place to live then go from there.

[otw]

Vise
Man I know it was hard. Made me think of my time dealing with where you are. Really hard.

Just know that things can be better. I am trying not to give myself false hope to be let down but my W walls seem down a bit. Not meaning she is approaching me about anything but just seems down. I will update my thread tomorrow as it has been a while.
Just keep your head up!

[vise82]

Hey,

Yesterday I had a good time with my two GAL activities, dog training and soccer. Starting to feel more comfortable going and I find it easier to talk to people now that I see them regularly.

Dog training is ending next week so not sure what to do after that.

Soccer is winding up also but there is a summer program that I could play in. I have been having a hard time fitting in there. Didn't really make any close friends. A couple of the guys I try to talk to. I don't know why its so hard for me socially. There is one thing everyone else shows up dressed and changes there shoes on the field. I show up early and use the change rooms to get ready, then after the game I try to stick around but it back to the change room and most people just change their shoes and go.

This is something I have to live with. I am quiet, its hurting me at my job and my marriage. this something that I don't know if I can change.

So this morning my W was up and she said good morning to me. That's a change. I said good bye to the kids and her and left.

On a note, last night I came home from soccer talk to W a bit about the showings and then went to the separate par t of the house. I could hear her phone making the ping sound of text messages one after another. It was driving me crazy. So I went to the basement so I couldn't here the messages.

So its like this: she stays in , when she goes out rarely its with her mom or to her parents house, we have been doing things as a family, she has not been going across the street to see that neighbor for months now. She is not on her phone constantly texting and she doesn't sleep with the phone, She leaves it out down stairs. I have checked it once in a while but she does delete texts, so that's why I don't bother she cleans it of anything she doesn't want me to read.

She keeps her Ipad next to her bed. She leaves that around though also I am sure she deletes Facebook messages or I messenger stuff.

So my thoughts are what is she waiting for If she doesn't want me? Where are the other guys that she wants? Is she waiting until the S is signed then they will come out of the wood work?

It just seems we spend so much time together right now, how is it going to be when we are in separate houses? What is she going to do with her time and why does she think this will be so much better apart? I guess I will have to wait till then to find out. I enjoy the family time together. I am sure she does too??

[Vapo]

Dude, you are making yourself crazy and IT IS NOT GOOD FOR YOU. You got to cut this behavior, it's damaging you way beyond repair.

Take a look at this last post of yours, it's all about her and what she is doing and/or not doing. STOP IT! You got fired from the position of the husband and what does is matter who she's bedding or not. It is not you and no, she is not having second thoughts about you. For all that it matters, she could have bedded the whole Chicago Bears offensive line and what could you do about it? Nothing... You got to separate yourself from this crazy behavior, or IT WILL DRIVE YOU INSANE.

To put it bluntly, if she is going to [censored] someone, you will not know about it, she could do it in 5 minutes and beside the point, if she isn't giving you the honey, does it really matter who she's giving it to?

DETACH, DETACH, DETACH. Once you are physically separated from the old battle axe, only then will you realize how screwed up you were...

Stay strong buddy, resist the urge to snoop, NOTHING good can come from snooping, NOTHING!!!

[vise82]

Yes,

I know that I need to detatch, but she has been such a part of my life and still is.

So she emailed me this morning asking how my house is coming along and if I am ok with an open house this weekend?

Its almost like she cares. I can see my self changing how I am looking at the sitch and adjusting my thoughts to think its not that bad I can live like this, we can still have a R in separate houses, it will all work out.

It does matter who she is bedding or not, If she is holding off from having a R with other men then that means she was truthful with wanting a S to think things through, to give us a chance to see if her feelings for me would come back for her.

I guess its all mind reading and not believing what she tells me.

This is not easy to let go. Even to fake it.

So for this email, in true DB form I need to reply : Yes go ahead with the open house.

Because I want to plead with her not to go through with it, there is a chance for us, this is not what I want, lets stay in the house together...

[Vapo]

Wise, I am rooting for you, I really am, but you really have to lose your pink glasses...

[Fogg]

Vise, you're clinging to the possibility of her comming back way too much. Stay off her phone, stay off her iPad, stay off her Facebook, stop questioning why she's nice to you, stop questioning why she's not at the neighbors, stop justifying there being no other men because you can't see them. I've been down that path countless times and none of it really tells you what's happening. None of it matters, she wants a separation and then she will want a divorce.

I know she's been such a big part of your life and how difficult this is for you but you have to find yourself through all of this. Not her, not another woman that will make you happy, you. Stop snooping, it's not helping you and once you separate homes it could cause you to make some stupid decisions.

[NYGal]

Yes, snooping makes it worse. It's hard not to, but don't do it.

[vise82]

Hey,

I just feel stuck right now. there is so much going to happen and so much I need to get ready that when I tried to get going on it I find pieces missing and to get that piece of info I need three other pieces. It is paralyzing me. I feel so much on me right now that I can move. There are so many moving parts to this S that I can keep track, it seems out of control right now, with the W pushing the open house and we don't have the separation agreement done yet. It is not how I do things, I do them slow and piece by piece, not six all at once hoping they all work out. She and I guess me, by letting it happen are at risk of falling on our faces of something going bad and not lining up and something slipping through then it all falling apart.

I don't know if its just nerves or what but it just seems all to much for me right now. I tell her that and she just keep right on plowing ahead. She doesn't listen to me at all.

Its like back when she wanted kids and we didn't have the money I stated my concerns but it went ahead anyway, we had kids and we didn't get the house first, it was rough and she complained the whole time stating how she has this bad luck and everything bad happens to us. She hated living like this.

Well when you just go about things like this and don't set your self up and protect your self from bad things, well bad things are more likely to happen.

There is nothing I can do this is going to go ahead like it is.

I am just venting...

[vise82]

Hey Vapo, Fogg, NYgal, thanks for your words, I had a mini breakdown today on the way home. Tears and all. I haven't had one in a while, I guess I was due for one. I guess you all could see it forming. I feel a little better, I am going to try to regroup and take care of what I need to take care of, I know I can do this, I didn't reply to W at all. I need all my effort on me and my kids,

Tomorrow is another day, one day at a time