In House S (7)

[vise82]

Hey Zephyr,

I will try to stay strong. This process gets to me at times. its exhausting and is best if I take it in parts.

I had a positive thing happened last night. I made a break through with the Dog. have been training him for a while now and finally I am seeing some results. I was thinking if I show my W that I am the man that can control the dog it would be a positive thing. The dog as my S4 says will only listen to me now. We are seeing improvement and that only reflects back at me very good as the man in charge and the dog listens to me.

It is given me more confidence. It has shown the kids how to command the dog and has helped with the order of things dog related. S4 last night told the dog to sit and stay, just like I would and for the first time the dog listened. He was able to walk out of the room and the dog did not jump on him and just watched him leave the room in a sit stay.

It was a break through. This dog used to listen to no one. The dog now still will not show any respect for W. So when he gets out of control with her she calls me and I come to the rescue.

So a positive update on my GAL dog training.

[otw]

Vise
My only advice for the talk with the kids is make her tell them why. I also wouldn't try to make them excited about the situation. Tell them everything will be fine and you both love them and it is not their fault.

I didn't lie to them but I also did not point any fingers at W.

My w tried to get them excited about all new stuff and all that. Backfired on her. They don't like it there.
She spent so much money trying to buy them wanting to be there. Hasn't worked.

[vise82]

Hey OTW,

The talk with the kids. Have her tell them why. W and I do not agree on why we are separating. Unless you are talking about W wanting the separation and I don't. There is no way she will say that. It is the truth though.

I am not going to bring it up. I will wait till wife says ok its time to talk to the kids. Then I will say that we need to go over what we are going to say to them.

She is worried that I am going to tell them is doom and gloom. I talk to these kids all the time, I put them to bed and have min conversations with them. They need to know the truth. yes they will have two places to live and two room to decorate, but they are not going to have a Mom and Dad that live together anymore.

I can believe W is still having the idea that we will be at each others houses and spending all thins time together as much as possible?? Still after all the time in house S she is telling me this. After her wanting real separation and time apart.

I can see the future and its going to be me not contacting her and giving this distance that she asked for. She is going to try to get me to do stuff for her like she tried to get me to go look at the house she is interested in with her. This is straight out of the WW play book. Wants me there for all the hard stuff but not he fun stuff.

She is going to feel loss, I am going to be busy, unavailable, gone. This will be so much easier to do that once in separate houses.

Right now I am acting as if. Trying to be pleasant, but I am angry. I haven't accepted it 100% yet. Still think she may change her mind but she has gone to far to go back now. There is to much money at the table for her to go back now. Through her manipulation she has squeezed more money from her parents. Even if she wanted to go back she wont, She doesn't want to loose the money. I am just mind reading but I would like to think I do know her to some degree. Or I do have a gut feeling about it.

So I am moving ahead with it. Lets go separate houses. I am trying to act like I am on board right now.

[otw]

seems like you have a very good mindset. I agree she wants you around for all of the family stuff, but she wants to be her own person and walk whenever she wants.

sorry thats not real life.

as far as the kid talk, i think you should get a few ideas written down. this will get emotional for you. I know it was awful for me. W was a stone face. She left me to say everything and i was so angry that i had to do the explaining and then all she did is show pictures of her new house and how they get new bedroom stuff.
My anger was at an all time high that night, then she left to make matters worse. It was fine though gave me time with the kids. they asked me some things and figured out why it was happening on their own.

Just dont be the one pointing the finger at her. I do remembering laughing when i asked W how she wanted to tell them. Without thinking she said we need to be truthful with them. I looked at her and said are you sure you want that. She kind of looked away and then didnt say anything. I think she realized at that point no matter what excuse she gave me on why she wanted to leave it was her leaving and her choice.

I did not want to damage the relationship the kids have with their mother. She does good enough of that on her own!

[ATPeace]

Hey guys

Thought I would check in here as vise82 posted on my thread

I am totally at the same point as vise so will be living the next few months along side him

I am at the point of deciding with my W how we go about ending our marrage
Her view is we split the child access fifty fifty tho days need to be decided on how best to do this the equity in the house gets split after the mortgage is paid off ...I am on such a good intest rate deal ...will miss this !!!! Her money in te bank is hers and mine is mine I have no idea no idea at all what she has managed to put aside I guess I will ask my soliciters to find out exactly what accounts she has and how much she has in each of the accounts. Her cars are hers and mine are mine Items in the house we will split as fairly as we can i do not think the is much that she has or I have that we cannot share I am not going to fight her for kitchen utensils or tables,or chairs

Be strong vise82 it is time for us to be the man that we know we can be

Man hugs to you my friend

Ghost

[ATPeace]

Fogg otw you both have been there for me over the months fogg I have very much respect for you .....accept it you must and you will accept it it ........it comes down to how much pain you are prepared to put yourself through in the process ....thank you

Ghost

[otw]

i know this in Vise thread, but ghost.

I know you have said many times about the cash she has stashed away.

What is stopping you from taking half of what is there without asking?

I know this seems crazy, but she is getting half of everything else with you, how is half of that not yours.

I would be shocked to see if she brought it up.

I know it is a little wild thought, but...

[ATPeace]

Otw I thought I would post here rather than on my thread keep this info away from my main threads

I have a Porsche worth about £25k and I have also got about the same that was left to me. From my father when he passed away

If I go after my wife's money then she will certainly go after mine and also as a side point I do want her to be able to give my children a good life when they are not with me

[Sotto]

Problem is, she could well blow through her 'unofficial' £12k (which of course is a marital asset) then start going for half of 'your' remaining marital assets too..

[otw]

I agree with sotto. All needs to be on the table.