In House S (7)

[vise82]

Hey,

So I had the weekend by myself as W took kids to se her family 6 hours away.

I was paralyzed on the couch for the whole Sat. I felt like doing nothing. I watched netflix and played some video games. I couldn't get motivated. It was a time to myself. To do nothing. To enjoy some movies. On Sunday I had Dog training and soccer. I went out to them and had a good time. Meanwhile I was negotiating the terms of getting a new place. Looks like I might have a place to go as the owner is willing to let me rent with the option to buy.

W did call to let me say good night to the boys and we talked about this new place and the S agreement.

Its all moving ahead and it scares me. Just the unknown of how it will all come together. There are so many pieces to fall into place.

My new place will have the garage I have wanted for many years. I had the idea if I get this place that I will set up a welding repair shop. All this talk on this board of others welders gave me the idea. I have a welding machine that I can use and the garage is big enough for it.

W came home and the first thing she says to me is asking how I found no time while they were away to clean the new pets cage, it smells in here. I replied Realy? Please don't start.

I am thinking what gives her the right to say anything about what I did or didn't do? She wasn't here.

One of the calls from W, I had the TV on and she asks where I was, I didn't answer, then she asks what is the noise in the back ground? I just said its the dog.

Then she just says oh well it doesn't matter. after I ignored the question. If she wants nothing to do with me why ask where I am?

[vise82]

Hey,

So this in house S is winding up. Its reaching it end. I have no more tears to give. I have tears for the no more tears. I don't know if that means I am detached?

W gave me the revised S agreement that we talked about. She worked on it with her lawyer yesterday. It has the 50/50 split of looking after the children. she gets them MOn Tue Wed morning, I get them Wed night Thur Fri and weekend rotates. It has her taking the new car and its payments. I get the old car with no payments, there will be no alimony child support will be the a calculation of the difference of what she would get if she had the kids 100% minus what I would get if I had the kids 100%. Its a chart based on income.

We are going to be keeping the kids in the same school and living in the same city.

I am still not going to her brothers wedding. W is taking the kids as they are taking the rings to the alter. She put in the agreement that we will try to spend Christmas together as much as possible. I am not sure how I feel about that. Last Christmas I said to my self I wouldn't do that again. She also put in that My family cannot visit with the children with out me present. I haven't talked to my family for two years anyway.

So she is going to send it to her lawyer and then I will get a copy for my lawyer to look at then that will be it. She will get what she was so desperately wanting. Then in three months she can file for divorce if she wants because the one year waiting period will be up.

I took the kids to a scout dinner with out W as she was working late, Kids had the best dinner ever as the oldest put it.

I brought them home and put them to bed.

This morning I was up then W was up and kids stayed in bed. We talked more about S agreement. I drove to work and thought how I wasn't crying.

One day at a time.

[Fogg]

Hey vise, I've been reading but haven't replied on a while. Sorry things are going this way but you relied now D will likely happen. Life will go on and things will work out, you just have to give yourself time. In another post you aksed why she cared what you were doing and I wanted to explain some because I can like had the same thoughts you had. You and her have been together for a very long time so there is going to be some attachment there still. She might be curious and it's likely she hasn't considered fully losing you or what life will be like without you. She's rewritten history in her mind and only remembered the bad things and at some point in the future those consequences might begin to appear to her making her rethink things. You can't force those things. What's important to understand is even if she has an attachment to you in some way right now, even if she wakes up later and sees things weren't as bad as she thought, even if she might still love you deep down, it didn't mean she does or will want a relationship again. This could just be the end of you and her. It's a hard pill to swallow but one we must accept to move forward. No guarantees with anything.

Your going to be fine vise, life will continue and you can thrive. Separate your mind from her and enjoy the what life is providing your right now. Those enjoyable things might be hard to see with what's happening but they are there if you look for them.

[vise82]

Hey Fogg,

Thanks for the support. I know people are reading and there is not much to say as this goes forward. I hope that by writing what is happening it will help others going through the same thing.

I feel numb to all this, almost emotional empty. As it goes forward I am strangely feeling sexually attracted to W. It doesn't help when she calls me up to my boys room to get my S4 and lets me see her in the shower with the door open and a towel not really covering anything.

Things are moving forward and we are talking more and W is happier now. I know this is just part of it I guess. Knowing its getting near the end, to want to have a one last go at it. Its just another emotion that I have to let pass.

[otw]

Sorry vise

You are handling things as well as can be. I know it is awful all to well. Hang in there.

[vise82]

Hey,

Not much to say normal stuff, I picked up kids from school and made them dinner and put them to bed. W went to a car dealership to look at new cars, She is planning on trading in the two year old car in for a new one. I think she is crazy, because that's a priority right now to get a new car. She wouldn't do this type of stuff if her parents didn't bail her out all the time. Well she will find out I guess that money is not so easily there. I am happy with he older car and no car payment right now.

This morning no one was up and I left with out seeing anyone. They all slept in.

I see the mortgage broker after work today to get that going for pre approval. I have the rental agreement ready to drop off tonight also, for the place that I was looking to rent before I bought it.

I find I am able to kick it in gear at work now that I am not thinking about the S so much. I have a lot of work to catch up on.

[vise82]

Hey,

Tough day, After going to mortgage broker I have an offer together for a house I was looking at. Then I see the owner has relisted it. And so far has not replied to my offer.

W has brought more paper work for me for the S agreement that was in her words so easy it will take a couple of days. Looks like so not true, it will be in two parts and the second part will take weeks.

So far I am just taking this stuff and not signing it till I see my lawyer.

We had the realization yesterday that its almost time to talk to the kids. That is a reality taste. I feel so bad for them.

I was applying for credit rebuilding credit as per the Broker and was denied.

and I am doing this stuff and W start hanging around to see what I am doing. I am getting mad. I don't want to do this stuff in the first place and I sure don't want her looking over my shoulder as I do it. She is the reason I am doing this paper work in the first place. I told her to back off and I had my limit today with this S stuff and to just leave me alone.

IT IS ALL TO UNBELIVEABLE THAT SHE WANTS THIS.

And I am to fake it that I am ok with it? To give no resistance to let her have this?

She is so happy that the housing market is so good right now. That is such a good time to sell. We are going to get so much money she tells me. Fukc off I don't want the money I want my life back. I am just frustrated. And frustrated that I cant show her that I am frustrated.

[Fogg]

What will fighting and giving resistance to something you can't control do? You might not like it but it's what's happening. Doesn't mean you have to be a doormat to how she wants it done but you can't stop it just because you want your old life back. The only path is forward, there is no way back.

You can be frustrated and angry, this isn't fair and your pain is real. However, realize she doesn't care about that anger and showing it to her isn't going to make you feel better or fix anything.

[vise82]

Hey,

Still working out my next housing issues, still some stuff up in the air with that.

W showed me some lawyer paper work that she explained to me how with the child support there was nothing she could do I have to pay but spousal support was something she could change. It based that on her last yeas income, she is getting a big raise next month so she asked the lawyer to move the spousal support into the child support. Child support get looked at yearly and changes yearly, W is saying that should go down next year with her new income. Spousal support doesn't change for up to 12 years regardless of her income.

She said she is helping me out so that I can afford to get a house and live in a good area so that the kids don't live in a bad conditions. She said she is going against the lawyers advise and doing this to help me.

It amazing how before going into this she said it would be so easy that I would be paying almost nothing because we make close to the same money. It would be done in a couple of days because our sitch is so simple. The opposite is happening.

SHe is not buying the new car right now because that would leave me with nothing on my credit report. She will wait till I can get a credit card on there in the next week or so.

She wants to talk to the kids this weekend. I agree and said it should of been sooner. She wants to talk to them because we are going to be having agents through the house and work will be done on the house. she is telling me that we need to push how great it will be for them to have two houses and twice the toys and two places to play. and how they will get to decorate their new rooms how they want. That we are going to keep doing stuff together as much as possible, that not too much is going to change for them. They will be able to visit the friends on the street when ever they want. UGHH its all lies, Its going to be hell for them. Not looking foreword for that conversation.

Talking to the kids is another nail in the coffin on our marriage. I wanted to give the kids at least a hint of what was going on months ago.

W is looking at a house this weekend, she is telling me it doesn't meet all of her requirements and it isn't in the best street but its in the right school zone. I just told her to go look and I am sure she will figure out what she will need to do. She was wanting me to go look at it with her as she was hinting but I didn't offer. She is getting her dad to go now.

Normal stuff in the morning, I had thoughts of hugging her, telling her I loved her, thanking her again for the break on the spousal support. but that feeling soon passed. I just said see you later, she said the same and I left for work.

[Zephyr]

Stay strong vise,

You did fine. You are absolutely right about not signing anything until lawyer sees it.

I know it is hard not to get angry. Anger is normal...you just need to alliw yourself to feel it and not control your actions, ok????