Hi MLeigh, I'm glad you guys had a good time. A few hiccups with the journey, but great that your H managed to make it and S was thrilled. I have to smile about the whole route/driving thing. This week SS told me he & his Dad were at our marital home and decided they would go to a nearby forest park. They got all excited & ready to go and then realised - Doh we have no transport! H has the car at his flat in the city flat now.
Sounds like you are doing generally well - calm & balanced - and I'm pleased for you.
Take care xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Thank you for the kind words. I don't always feel cool and calm! I am actually quite the hot head. It has taken me a long time to get to this detached state. Sadly, I think it has a lot to do with my train of thought....I really don't see H and I back together. I am not completely closed off to it, but I have a hard time believing I could fall in love with this man again.
So in thinking and feeling this way, his antics have become less important and not a part of my world very often. I also think, being separated, he is less able to disrupt, which makes my world a much calmer peaceful place.
Hang in there, it takes time to detach, it is a very difficult process.
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
Oh Sotto, it is amazing that they are not capable to think 5 minutes ahead of the moment. I see it every time I am around H. In a way, once I realized that, it helped in dealing with understanding the limbo state. It is way too difficult for a MLC'er to plan.
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
Started the weekend feeling a bit "blah" Feeling really tired yet not sleeping well. I think it is from being off routine, not working, walking or doing yoga has thrown me into a "blah" state!
Yesterday I dropped off S to H. Nothing exciting there. I did some errands and then went and enjoyed an evening at my friends new home.
This morning I woke up determined to shake off the blah. I started with a 2 mile walk. I piddled around the house and ordered some birthday party supplies for S upcoming birthday party.
I picked some flowers blooming in my backyard and put into a vase.
Best of all, I sat in the sun in my backyard and rotated between reading and closing my eyes. This is the most relaxed I got during this whole vacation! Just the quiet along with birds chirping is just what I needed.
H brought S home. H told me they saw Star Wars last night. He said they also want to see Kung Foo panda and asked if one week night we can go together to see. I asked H, did S tell you I want to see that badly? (which I do) H laughed and said yes. I told him it sounds like a plan.
He was heading to Costco. I need to go too, almost said so, then realized I didn't feel like going with him.....
I know he has been initiating family time, and I have slowly been letting my guard down and opening up to it, I am happy about it....but not always in the mood.
On another note, I was searching for a spare key when I needed one to have my friend feed my cat while I was away. I only have one, and I remembered FIL and MIL have a key to my house. I figure there is no reason for that any longer. I suppose I could let it go and just have more extras made, but I don't really WANT them to have a key to my house. That was H doing, not mine. I don't have a key to their houses! OK, I will admit, it's the principal of it and the stubborn in me.
I was going to ask H to get the keys from his parents but decided no reason to get him involved. Plus it would never get done. So I emailed them, stating I need spare keys and could I please get theirs from them.
FIL emailed back "What??"
I guess I could just let it go, get more keys made. I just feel this strong desire to cut more ties, one by one. It's getting stronger and stronger. I suppose this tie may be a bit silly, but it matters to me. I really need to deal with this anger I feel towards my in-laws. It comes and goes....
Going to make some dinner and hang with my little guy. Hopefully getting back on schedule will help me to feel like myself again!
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
FIL just emailed again that he does not understand. Do I think they will come into my house without permission? And that he would appreciate some clarification.
So part of me thinks, who the bell are you to question why I want my keys back?
Another wonders if it is really worth it.
Job, you are so good at these things. Help.
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
i would just change the locks and if they come over and try to get in, they will find out they can't ... that puts the onus on them to then ask you about it. . .
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
Lol bttrfly. Sure would, wouldn't it? I guess I stirred up the hornets nest here. I failed to remember that FIL must have his hand in everything and anything to do with his son.
I replied to him, No of course not. I need spare keys and realized it when I didn't have one to give my friend to feed my cat while I was away. I thought about who has them and figured it makes no sense any longer, but no big deal, I will go have more made. I didn't mean to upset you.
As you can see, I am much nicer to him than MIL. But boy is he overbearing. Geez, H must have had no space, privacy or boundaries with them. It explains so much.....
I can understand why FIL could get offended, but really, under the circumstances, he has no right.
So it's my choice, I can choose to make more keys or have the locks changed. Honestly, no one can get in with my new bolt lock anyway.....I just want my spare keys!!
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
I am feeling really emotional right now. Figured I would journal a bit of my thoughts.
I am hurting for hurting my FIL. Not sure why it bothers me so much but it does. It's not his fault his son is lost, and he truly was the first "father" I ever had....
However, I feel like his parents bailed on me as much as H did. FIL checked on me at first, but of course, H came first and I was left to deal on my own. I am sure that is where much of my resentment comes from. Having no father and a dysfunctional R with my mother, they were my new parents.
They are now a part of a life and world I want to leave behind me, that I am moving on from. They were not there for me. The need to move on grows stronger and stronger....and it hurts....and it's sad....but it wasn't my choice. I have tried, really tried. I see this pile of rubber behind me, and H, MIL and FIL are all in it.
I feel I lashed out a bit with the key thing, I think it's my emotional state right now, so I am going to lay real low so I don't do anymore lashing. I really do want my keys back! Lol. But it isn't worth hurting anyone because I am hurting. It makes me no better than my H.
Anyway, feeling some strong sadness right now and a real desire to be done for good. Maybe I have had too much time on my hands to think. I have been begging for an answer, some guidance. I feel very alone and in need of some answers. They come as slow as the MLC'er moves!
Thanks for reading, I am sure I will snap back soon, just having a low moment
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
Not much time to post this morning - but sorry you're having a low moment. Possibly you are feeling the emotional impact of some family time? And then the exchange with FIL wasn't easy either.
Just take it slow and take care. Get back to work, yoga etc & all will unfold in good time.
Xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
big hugs to you my friend. Emotions go through cycles, sometimes leaving as quick as they arrive and sometimes hanging around, but the one thing they always do is move on. Your latest feeling will pass, so allow it to be felt and let it move along in its own time.
You are dealing with so much right now. Accommodating your h so he and s can have family time is a big ask of you, your feelings and thoughts are bound to be all over the place, I think your are doing fantastically well at keeping it together.
As for your FIL and the key - It may be that your inlaws have not really fully realised the implications of their son's decision. Perhaps they still see the house as both of yours. You don't owe your FIL an explanation or an apology, this is YOUR home. You explained why you require the key to be returned; so you can give it to others when needed, true or not, I would leave it at that.
In laws are a tricky area - I was really anti mine for a long time, so pleased to be free of them, I had the attitude of "yeay, I am no longer required to be nice to them or have them in my life", but now I see that they are my children's grandparents and if h and I do ever reconcile then they will once again be my in laws - the damage done now may stick and carry through to the future. So maybe just try and let the small stuff go for now ?
Look after yourself, find a way through the dark days because sunny ones are waiting for you.
