Time for a new direction

[Irish M]

Hi Mleigh

just catching up on your sitch. I think you take everything your H does and doesn't do so well. Its not easy I know. but you are handling it all very well.

i really hope you went on the safari even if your H didn't make it. after all you will enjoy it with your S anyway. Maybe even better without the MLC catching up to you and talking only about his ordeal.

Have fun.

Irish

[mleigh4]

Hi guys. Thank you for your support. Hawho, it's funny what you posted because I was thinking the same thing. I have no doubt he was doing his best, he was trying. I imagine when I am really hungry, I can't think straight and get easily frustrated and overwhelmed, possibly a bit how he was feeling?

I wanted to help but also wanted him to figure this out. I suggested some ideas and left the rest to him. He arrived at the gate 10 minutes before the safari ride. I had food in hand for him figuring he had not eaten and he was very grateful. Look at me doing an act of service! What he did at the airport for 2 1/2 hours before finally being on his way will remain a mystery but I laugh about it. What a crazy morning, but we had fun. Job, I fed giraffes and pet a rhino!! I loved those giraffes.

S was so happy to see H, jumped into his arms. I can clearly see the difference in S when we are all together. He is more playful and seems so happy. H decided to sleep together with S and I in big bed instead of bunk bed, so we slept as a family for the first time in years. S between us of course!

We are about to head home, we have a long trip ahead of us. It's raining now, we just made the good weather! H entertains us, so it should make the drive feel shorter.

Hope you all have a good day.

[job]

I am so happy to read that your h finally made it to the safari and all of you had a great time. Please travel safely. Your fur babies are waiting for their family to return home and will be waiting at the door for you to love them.

[bttrfly]

im so glad H made it and you did such a kind thing by having something for him to eat. these are memories for your son to treasure. safe travels going home xoxoxo

[mleigh4]

Hello. S and I are safe back at home with our fur babies. There was so much love bursting in this house once we were all back together!

Our drive home was interesting. I drove, I actually enjoy driving, and H sat in back with S the entire ride. S was thrilled, it gave them extra time together. I didn't really mind....just a little weird I guess, but normal when you have 2 children, no? H slept most of the way.

I did a lot of reflecting about the trip while driving and there is no doubt that H is stuck in a teenage mentality. And even though I was happy to have H join us on our trip, it is amazing how much disruption he caused:

The morning he came to see us off, he brought the Safeway monopoly game and game pieces to do with S. We are both doing it and combine our pieces in hopes of winning prizes. It was just not the best timing for it, we got on the road an hour later than planned.

You all know the flight fiasco. Overall it worked out, but it took time away from S and I at the park as H kept texting his frustrations and I was trying to calm him. Having to change the safari time, planning our visit around meeting H at the gate....it felt like a time crunch that completely revolved around H and we missed seeing many things at the park.

When we were leaving the park, we needed to return the rental car. H decided while sitting in the parking lot, to pull out his newest toy. Virtual goggles. He was trying to set it up and showing son, meanwhile, I was thinking, can't we do this at the hotel?? So I asked such and H jokingly stated NO! Ok, so I once again pulled out my patience card. When H was ready to go, he looked up the rental car place and exclaimed, it closes in 20 minutes!! And we are 20 minutes away!! I pulled out my STFU smoothie and said, see you there! It's a good thing I had my MLC tool bag with me.

We were late to the rental drop off but thankfully they had an after hours drop off. H spent 15 minutes going through the vehicle and making sure he got everything while S and I patiently waited. then he couldn't find the drop box for the keys which I kindly pointed out for him.

Finally, we got back to the hotel, all starving. We went to the room first to get cleaned up and drop off H bag. I poured myself a glass of wine, H joined and clinked my glass. That was nice and we had a nice dinner. After, H was back to the virtual goggles. I tried it out and it is pretty cool! H played with those all night until we went to sleep.

Got up in the morning, drove home. After 7 hours of driving, H realized his truck was at FIL house, an additional 1/2 hour further from home. Originally, H had said to drop him off at home, that we could go home and he would go get dog for us from FIL. That went out the window!

Got truck and dog, then H remembered her food was at HIS house. H had forgotten to take it with dog. We made one last stop before home to get her food. This took an extra hour and a half before we got home.

So, all in all, was it worth it to have H join us? There were goods and bads. I enjoy having him around, but I do prepare myself to know it won't be smooth. I think in preparing myself, it keeps me calm. He certainly is exhausting, I am glad to have it back to just S and I today.

On the drive home, I mentioned I am ready to start selling some things. We agreed to sell the RV. I asked him what he planned for the boat? He said, frustrated and like he has thought about it too, that he can't wakeboard anymore since he messed up his arm wakeboarding. (BTW, that is what I believe threw him into BD) He said he wasn't sure what to do with it. I stayed quiet, but I do intend to ask for what I put into it back. It was 5k, nothing to sneeze at. As far as I know, the boat has been sitting at his dads tow yard in storage since BD, but I don't really know. I don't intend to spend another summer wondering if he is taking the boat out and with who. We only used it for 2 summers. I was against getting it, H promised wonderful family memories even though I kept telling him I am not a water sport person. S hated it, H put so much pressure on him to do things he wasn't ready for. Unfortunately, I know H had good intentions with the boat, but it turned into S and I just being a huge disappointment to H. Something good turned into a huge nightmare for us, which I now realize was a lot of MLC behavior at hand. I want a refund on that one. I will bring it up once we are actively selling the RV.

When we were leaving H to home, he was giving S a big hug, I told him I was sorry the trip turned the way it did, but glad he made it. He said it was worth it.

I still feel headed towards closure. The trip didn't change anything for me. H and I have a connection, but it only feels about S. I feel nothing romantic, it feels like being with a very high maintenance friend when I am with him.

The journey continues

[HaWho]

So glad you are home safe and sound! I was kind of worried your h would drive and if you dozed you would end up in the mid-west. Not even joking here as getting places for an MLCer is quite problematic. You had an up close personal look at that!

Well, your h has a LOT of toys. That seems to be one of his band-aids. My h sold his MLC convertible back in the spring during a very low week. He too had toys and that week he sold many! I was happy to see the convertible go for all that it represented and because it just collected dust. It did not fix what ailed him.

I see the kid in there--sitting in the back of the car, the toys, etc. I also thought it was sweet that you all shared a bed.

Nice job remaining patient with it all. It's crazy to see, isn't it?

Glad you enjoyed despite the MLC special seasonings. Get some much deserved rest!

[mleigh4]

Funny Hawho, I didn't want H driving us partly for that reason! He just seems so scattered! Plus he commutes every day, I figured it only fair I do the drive. No joke, on one of our last trips home from Disneyland, FIL and H were in the front. After coming down the grapevine, H took the wrong exit and we ended up in the central valley. He will never live that down! Lol.

I forgot to mention that BFF came up during the trip. Her house just got finished and H asked me how much she makes. I hesitated, thought for a second, and said you should know? He said, how would I know? I told him, she mentioned she just got hired at your company. I was waiting for it, watching closely for a gasp, for him to turn pale, for a look of fear......instead he said, really? What position? He didn't seem very concerned which I was relieved to see.

He just TM me to correct me on her new position. She is controller, not CFO. I now remember she said that, my bad. He also asked me to send him some pics from the trip and he will send me some of his. I think my favorite is a pic of him and son, putting their heads through bat figures so they look like 2 bats. It just cracks me up.

[HaWho]

LOL! The trick to driving around with a MLCer is just to imagine being with a senile person. It is exactly like that. I almost warned you about letting him drive you around but, I determined you would figure it out once you saw him outside his MLC bubble.

My h now seems to be able to get places again. In all seriousness, for many months he couldn't remember how to find places 5-10 miles away and these were places that we drove to all the time pre-MLC. Anytime he drives I am like an owl in the passenger seat.

That picture sounds cute! To me, your h is more childlike. If he's a teenager he sure is a nice one.

[mleigh4]

The memory thing is very interesting. When H was helping me with the MB shower head the other day, he couldn't remember how to turn it on. He can never find tools in the house either, they are all where they have been for 14 years.

hhmmmm. More like a child than a teenager......could be why he is bonding so well with 8 year old S?

I have to say, he was very much a gentleman during the trip. He held open doors, ran ahead to open them for me, insisted on paying for meals even though I offered, got me coffee without asking, made the way I like it....

Tonight we exchanged pics from the trip. H said it was fun, once he got there. I replied, "things took quite a twist, huh? But you handled it and got there right in time. S was so happy to see you!"

Weird thing is, I mean it. I know it wasn't easy for him, he didn't have his enabling, coddling parents there to save the day. It was all on him, alone, and he made it happen. Took a while.....but still!! Lol. I really am proud of him and want him to know it. For no other reason than that I care.

[ciluzen]

Mleigh,

I've been following your thread for quite awhile. I just love how strong you are and how firm, yet gentle and understanding you are to your H while he is in in MLC. I try very hard to do that with my own H, but I am always blown away by how well you do. You are amazing!