So where to start, Had another talk Intitated by W this time we didn't yell or argue. She has come closer to me with custady, Now I am just one day away from 50/50.So hopelully we can get there.
W tells me she found a house for me and that I should go see it. Its in the school zone and has a garage big enough for my hobby. I found it funny that it now that she cares if I have the space for my car and tools. She sure didn't care before.
I have started to realize that I cant stop this and I am going to need a place to live and for it to work out the best for both of us we will need to work together. So I go through with seeing the house and now I am looking into the details of how to purchase. Before I go look at the house I decided to take my ring off. I found it the only way to help me move forward with all this. It was the only way I could get the strength to do what I need to do for me and my kids.
On valentines day I helped the boys make a great breakfast and let them buy something for their mom. We all sat down and had a great breakfast together. W left right after to go shopping with her mom. I had the boys and took them to dog training. I let the boys pick up something small for trainer seeing as it was valentines day.
I exchanged the kids and met W half way to her parents, then I had Soccer my other GAL.
Next day W is in clean up mode, The most motivated I have seen from her to clean. Its all motivated by a agent that she contacted that wants to look at the house. They want to show the house to a couple that is very interested in the house.
So now I have the hard task of fixing up the house to get it ready for sale, it does make the heart heavy but I am trying to act as if.
last night W says she found a house that she is interested in, its les then 10 min away from the house I was looking at. So with all of this, non of this is 100% going to happen as with real estate anything can happen. It is the start though.
Me late 30's W mid 30's T 15, M 10 S4, S7 ILYBNILWY June 2015 In house S July 2015 W rings off Oct 2015 My ring off Feb 2015 Separate houses June 2016
Vise I am actually glad to see you moving forward and doing some of this. I know that sounds strange, but the step has to happen. Nothing is going to gt better the way it is, you need to get out of her way and see where the cards fall.
I think the ring was a big step. I for a while wore mine during the day and then when i went home I would take it off. I was just fooling myself. I actually have two rings. One we bought a couple years later because i liked it better. I keep this one in my truck.
the other W had engraved a couple years after wedding and i forgot about it. I stumbled upon it a few weeks ago. I its tough, but i tucked it back away and just shrugged my shoulders, actually i tried it on again first. [censored]. I think you will find you will be ok at times with this next phase, you will still have bad times, a lot. But you will also have moments of being ok. the trick is to move through those bad ones as quickly as possible.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
Had a ok day, I picked up lids and W was at home the same time we arrived home. There was a lot of snow so we had a long snow ball fight. I seen the gay neighbor came outside and was talking to his neighbor beside him for a while. The whole time Wife was part of the snow ball fight but kept checking over to where he was. He never acknowledged my W. Didn't yell over hello. Thought that was interesting.
We all had dinner together that W cooked, S7 was giving us a hard time and W was frustrated. W and I both cleaned the cage of the new family pets. I put the kids to bed and then we just stayed in our separate part of the house.
W come into the room I was in and wants to talk about the email she sent about having agents in the house on Thursday. I didn't reply to it. I was frustrated and said I want nothing to do with it, I guess I have no choice but I would prefer if I wasn't there.
she asks me what is wrong I was fine yesterday and now I am grumpy. I said I can only take this stuff in small doses, asking about agents and selling this house is too much for me at sometimes.
So much for acting as if. I just find it hard to just go along with this moving/selling and giving no resistance to something I so do not want to do.
Taking emotion out of it, I should be doing everything possible to get the best price for the house. W is doing most of the heavy lifting for this and I am slowly going along with it with the resistance here and there. This is the same as any move in the past. A 180 would have me on board 100%. That like I said is just so difficult as I am not on board 100%.
I am talking to a mortgage broker right now to work out where I stand as far as that goes. Usually these moves have a way of working out.
Me late 30's W mid 30's T 15, M 10 S4, S7 ILYBNILWY June 2015 In house S July 2015 W rings off Oct 2015 My ring off Feb 2015 Separate houses June 2016
tomorrow I have to take S4 to an appointment and because of the type of procedure they want two people there. Usually its W and her mom go but this time W wants me to go with her.
I was talking to W about the skating event I went to when she was away with the kids. I was just saying how big the place is and it would be good to take the kids. She asked right away if I went alone. I ignored her question and continued with what I was talking about.
Me late 30's W mid 30's T 15, M 10 S4, S7 ILYBNILWY June 2015 In house S July 2015 W rings off Oct 2015 My ring off Feb 2015 Separate houses June 2016
Did she ask again? I don't know if there is any reason not to be truthful. Just because we are trying to gal for ourselves and they may get interested, we are not trying to trick anyone.
I don't think I would look into that too much. Just be a great person
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
This is so weird to me how W can have me there helping at the dentist and be so much a part of her life but still want to S.
But really at the dentist we sat there in the office for two hours and she said nothing to me for the first hour and I said nothing. We just looked at magazines. Then near the end she starts to ask how it was going with buying the house I was looking at. So I answered her questions. But really it is no different then when we first got married. We, I thought, were the type of couple that didn't have to say a lot to each other to say a lot to each other. Just being there with each other quiet was to me contentment. And like at the dentist office we were both there for our kid getting things done for him.
We get home and there is a note that a letter that needs to be picked up from the post office, it needs a signature. W tell me oh that must be the letter from my lawyer for you. I say why couldn't you just give it to me. She blames it on the lawyer. I don't want to pick up the letter so I put the notice out of sight. This morning she finds it and puts it out in plane view again.
This is so frustrating, I have no intention of getting this letter. Its frustrating that she can force things along, it frustrating that her parents have paid for this lawyer for her.
It frustrating that she lined up a couple of realtors to look at the house yesterday. And she is excited for this, she wants to talk about it and what we can do to make the sale even faster.
What the F is going through her head to think this is the best thing ever? I understand that WW will not stop till they get what they want. And to hear that the agent has people that want to live in the area and think the street we live on is amazing. Well yes that is why we live here.
What does my W want that I am not giving her? It is all right here for her. I just don't understand it.
So she leaves this morning for a six hour drive to visit family for two nights/ three days with the kids and with out me. this is the first time I have not gone. She is telling the kids I cant go because I have to work. Makes me look bad.
And she leaves a list of stuff that needs to be done to the house to get it ready for sale. This is all a joke, my life is a joke. I mean life throws so much bad stuff at you, most of which W and I have gone through and now she decides to make some bad stuff on her own, because the world didn't give us enough to go through?
Me late 30's W mid 30's T 15, M 10 S4, S7 ILYBNILWY June 2015 In house S July 2015 W rings off Oct 2015 My ring off Feb 2015 Separate houses June 2016
This is so weird to me how W can have me there helping at the dentist and be so much a part of her life but still want to S.
Unfortunately it is not weird at all. You are just a helper, a facilitator, you are there for the $shitty jobs and she'll have someone else for the cool stuff. As far as the kids are concerned, it's ok, but other than that, distance yourself. She's a big girl, she can handle it. An analogy would be, if you got fired from your job, would you still do stuff for your boss? Not likely. Well, I got news for you buddy, she just fired you...
Originally Posted By: vise82
We get home and there is a note that a letter that needs to be picked up from the post office, it needs a signature. W tell me oh that must be the letter from my lawyer for you. I say why couldn't you just give it to me. She blames it on the lawyer. I don't want to pick up the letter so I put the notice out of sight. This morning she finds it and puts it out in plane view again.
This is so frustrating, I have no intention of getting this letter. Its frustrating that she can force things along, it frustrating that her parents have paid for this lawyer for her.
Passive aggresive behavior is not the way to go. Ignoring it will not make it go away. Go talk to your lawyer before you fetch the letter, maybe he has some stalling tactics up his sleeve.
Originally Posted By: vise82
It frustrating that she lined up a couple of realtors to look at the house yesterday. And she is excited for this, she wants to talk about it and what we can do to make the sale even faster.
What the F is going through her head to think this is the best thing ever? I understand that WW will not stop till they get what they want.
What is going trough her head you ask? Quite simple really... She has been gathering courage to flip you off for years and now that she has, she feels the weight of the world has been lifted off her shoulders. She is literally gliding trough air. She has it all figured out in her head (and has had for years) and she believes that once you are out of the picture it will be all roses for her. Well the bad news is that she is intitled to her opinion, and the good news is that she is wrong. But it will take time for her to realize that. And no, you can't explain her that she is wrong, you cannot show her that she is wrong, you, my friend, can't do $hit to/for her. So time to focus on you.
Originally Posted By: vise82
What does my W want that I am not giving her? It is all right here for her. I just don't understand it.
Se above answer. It is really not difficult to understand. She is done with you, your marriage is gone, buried. That does not mean that you cannot have a new relationship with your W, but it will take time, a LOT of time, think months and years, not days and weeks.
Originally Posted By: vise82
So she leaves this morning for a six hour drive to visit family for two nights/ three days with the kids and with out me. this is the first time I have not gone. She is telling the kids I cant go because I have to work. Makes me look bad.
Now this you have to put a stop to it. She can't paint you responsible for not coming and you can't let it slide. My sitch is eerily similar to your, ages same, together time same, kids' ages same, only dif is I have a D7. My BD was June 2014, so I'm a year ahead of you.
Originally Posted By: vise82
And she leaves a list of stuff that needs to be done to the house to get it ready for sale. This is all a joke, my life is a joke. I mean life throws so much bad stuff at you, most of which W and I have gone through and now she decides to make some bad stuff on her own, because the world didn't give us enough to go through?
Again, do not be passive aggresive, text your W that you are away for the weekend so stuff with the house will have to wait. An my friend, your life is no joke, it is in a whirlwind at the moment, but it will settle and you will thrive once again. Main thing is that you know that you will be OK. Be the best dad you can be, and learn to love yourself again.
Thanks for going through that with me. I need a wake up. It is all too unreal for me.
I looked into the Stockdale paradox. Yes I can see I am the eternal optimist. I will try and follow this plan of taking care of the problems now while still having the knowledge that I will get through this.
I do have a history of doing nothing with the hope that it will all get better. Of thinking that by Christmas she will come around. She didn't. then I think after her brothers wedding she will come around. I can see how flawed this thinking is. It stalls me from taking action that I need to take.
I will take the action needed.
Me late 30's W mid 30's T 15, M 10 S4, S7 ILYBNILWY June 2015 In house S July 2015 W rings off Oct 2015 My ring off Feb 2015 Separate houses June 2016
