No interaction to speak about yesterday. Still have gone over the conversation from Monday. She has said she is sorry and feels remorse but am yet to truly believe it as she doesn't show or explain. It does seem that more of the reality of the situation is hitting her. I told her that when she moves out that I expect the key to be given back to me. Got the impression she thought she could come back when she wanted to. Also told her she would need to get her own car if she felt she needed one as sharing one will not work.
I know nothing gets restarted until they show sorrow and remorse and I am still getting the childish responses. If I don't see she won't explain or show it.
The other thing I find amazing is how often she still asks for my help to do anything, she wants to stand on her own 2 feet but wants help so often. If it's to do with the kids I do some stuff but keep reminding her that she often says she doesn't want my help and doesn't want to do anything together.
Really feel she needs out on her own to deal with everything and see just how much I have done for her. Reality can suck some times...
Thank you Sandi, I don't really understand what you mean by temp checking though.
It is when the W is checking to see if she still holds you in the palm of her hand. I used a couple of illustrations in my recent thread. Since it is usually not that difficult for a woman to entice a man sexually, a lot of WW's will dress provocatively to tease......and if he caves, then she knows she rules the relationship. Some go as far as going to bed, then immediately, she's back to being cold and done with him. She wants reassurance that she's still controlling the show, and when she gets it.....she is gone again.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I don't understand her saying she didn't want what's happening, didn't want to split up etc. why if she is so done and finished as she said many weeks ago start saying that now. It doesn't make sense to me unless it's some kind of test.
While I was at the gym later, I got 2 texts asking for help about our internet and had I suggestions as to why it was dropping. I didn't answer them. When I got home, she talked about being a team and when I questioned it and said the 'team' part has been taken away, she wasn't to happy. She wants to leave but is not the one bringing up things anymore, I have been explaining what will need to happen and I don't know if it is a sense of realism hitting her or making her uncomfortable. It's just the strangest environment at the moment.
She spent about 40 mins sitting in our daughters room last night after putting her to bed.
B/c she's a mess, just like I was. There is a lot of turmoil going through her head. She wants to keep of the advantages of being M to you, but she doesn't want the disadvantages.
Your job is not to tell her how she feels. It's not to tell her what she needs. Your job is to get out of her way and let her crash and burn! Harsh? Maybe, but as long as the H is there to help her and protect her, trying to tell her what she should do.......it is holding her back from experiencing the losses and facing her reality as it is........instead of staying in her fantasy she's built.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Thanks Sandi, I have been keeping out of the way and telling her to figure things out for herself. This is what she says she wants. This came about from her when I told her that I will expect the key of the house back when she leaves, that she will have to get her own car if she feels she needs one. I had the impression she thought she could come back to the house whenever she felt like it. I made that clear it wasn't happening that way. I don't tell her where I'm going, when I will be back etc. I don't think you are being harsh, I agree with you that she needs to be hit with some sort of crash.
She even suggested that I could have the apartment and she would stay in the house. I said no to that naturally. It is almost like the apartment is not as appealing as the house anymore.
She said she has a lot of feelings and emotions in her head, she knows this but isn't ready to face then yet I guess. I know it's not my job to help her or try and push her. She has to figure it in her own time. Thanks Sandi.
Sandi, how were you with friends and family? Could you put on a strong character to them also that you were sure of your decision and it was the best one for you? I'm assuming in your own head you were able to justify your actions and believe what you were doing was right for you. This fantasy you talk about.
