Hurt, lonely, drowning

[Thornton]

Hey Buddy,

It's a struggle. I struggle with the depression as well and take meds to help cope.

I wish there was an easier answer. I've gone back and read lots of threads here where the LBS is a mess when they first get here. Then you scroll to their last post and they are happy and detached and feeling good about life.

You will get there, it's just going to take time. Make it through today.

[TimR]

One hour at a time, one day at a time, one week at a time... I know that's easy to say but I guess that is what we have to do to try and survive our circumstances.

This is one of those rare occasions where I can say I know how you feel and I feel so sorry for you. I have found myself recently listening to old 80 and 90s breakup songs, like Boyz 2 Men.... I would not suggest it because it just seems to drag me lower.

Keep your head up my friend and keep posting.

[rich4j]

mbebos

You are not alone....many of us are going thru the same and I won't say its easy and it will pass. It is hard and what you can do is vent and post here. It has helped me alot as I am the one who has to move out from my house most likely and Daughter and dogs...forget the STBX. I cry almost every other day when I go to sleep in the same house as my STBX thinking about my daughter as we are super close.

I don't know when this stuff passes but only know that over time it will all be OK. I have asked friends who have gone thru the same and unfortunately time is a healing power but doesnt happen quickly.

Take time to cry, to go thru the grief as its natural. You may want to try a divorce support group? It was recommended to me as I haven't gone there yet but probably will once I get thru some of this fog.

Not sure if this board has any local groups from different posters either as I haven't seen one but maybe there is one??? Seems most are spread out throught the world.....

Hang in there and its good to get the feelings out there .....take care

[LiM]

Mbebos,

This is the most difficult thing you will ever have to do in life. I personally feel that my situation would be less emotionally painful if my W had just died. Because if she had died, I would at least not be stuck with the knowledge that she chose to leave and to kick me in the face as she walked out the door.
This is hard, hard, hard. I have to force myself to get out of bed to do anything. But I make myself do it. I started running and I hate running. Find a divorce/separation support group at a church. Do something. Its hard but you can do it.

[sandi2]

Hope we hear from you soon.

[mbebos]

Just checking in. Still feeling pretty awful. Another Thursday night was a bust. A group of us go out for dinner every Thursday, and the last couple months there have been many cancellations. Last night was no different. Everyone backed out last minute.

Just for fun blackjack night tonight. As much as I hate cards, I will be going. Two good friends that I don't get to spend much time with will be there.

Down another 5lbs. 285 now.

I did find a video on YouTube to help me fall asleep. It is a hypnosis video for anxiety and depression to help sleep. While I don't know how much it actually works, just listening to the voice helps me disconnect mentally from the worries and I eventually fall asleep. I was awake at 2am again, started the video over, and fell asleep.

I may go home after work today and try to sleep for a couple hours before going out. Still wiped out.

[Thornton]

I understand what you're going through. Each day presents another challenge to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Just keep going and don't give up.

[TimR]

That has got to be a downer when everyone cancels and you looked forward to it. I hope you still did something for you.

Take your time and make sure to take care of you. That includes getting rested. Congratulations on the weight loss! Your W will certainly see your 180s. Good luck to you, my thoughts and prayers are with you!

[1313]

I know it doesn't help much when a lot of us here say we're in very much the same boat, but know you're not alone. It helps just a teeny bit. It's helped me. Just keep checking the different threads, there's some wisdom here.

With the big-D, you find out who your real friends are. Sadly, mine out of the gate have been my IL's, and the general consensus here is to disconnect from them - let them do the reaching out. They've been my "family" for over 30 years. They've been foster parents for special needs kids, they've taken care of hundreds of children and have adopted several normal and not. The house is full of love and activity. When you go there, you just walk in. I don't think they even have a doorbell and wouldn't answer the door if you knocked. I will really miss that.

Most of my friends have been "community" friends, and they've all distanced themselves, or taken the W's side. Of course, my very best friend was my W which is what hurts the most. I so want to tell them my side of the story - but that goes against the DB theory. I still want this to work so badly.

Good buddies from HS days don't really know what to do or say. None really want me around and I don't blame them, they've got their own lives. Electronic communication isn't really the same as a voice. They know what really happened and I can confide in them but still. They've known the W for 35 years and were friends with her as well. You have to assume everyone around you is in shock as well.

The only children I have are a little 12 year old dog with a bad heart, we lost her sister a couple of years ago. The W won't let me see her. In fact, the W left town for a week and gave the dog to a friend to take care of. I asked the friend if she wouldn't mind, send me a picture. I'd understand if she didn't. She said she would, but I've not heard back.

I hear "it's been a month, pull yourself together", and I swear, it's only worse as the reality of the situation has really begun to sink in.

The desire to self-medicate is far too strong and it's too easy of a way out. All it does is make me feel worse. I'm strongly tempted for the first time to consider anti-depressants. The first time the W left me we'd been married only 12 years. My Step Bro is a doctor, and was worried about me and prescribed some. I couldn't handle them, but I really wasn't depressed. Boy, I sure am now. I can barely face going to the grocery store. If it weren't for having to take care of my Mother, I'd probably be in a dark room sobbing.

When I took my Mother to our Doctor a couple of days ago after she fell again - he asked me how things were going and I told him. He literally sat there slack-jawed. It took him 10 minutes to snap out of it. He knows the W well also, people really don't know what to say. Of course he says GAL, exercise, push yourself - and call me if you need anything or want to talk.

All I can say is, when it rains it pours. I've got my Mother slowly losing her faculties, my W going insane on me and blaming me for her entire life, dying and dead friends - heck. A friend just died a few days before Christmas in a plane crash with his entire family of 5. That was probably one of the things to push the W over the fence with her late MLC. Going to a funeral with 5 coffins. I could see all these changes effecting the W.

I'm glad you've got your cousin, you're blessed by her presence. Remember her when things are better, she's literally been a lifesaver for you. Just remember, things will get better. When you've hit bottom, the only way left is up.

[Thornton]

^^^ that is all too familiar.

My WAW is very social and has a big support group. I'm more of an introvert and prefer to keep just a few close friends.

WAW was my best friend as well, and when that goes away, you are left feeling very vulnerable and exposed. You're entire way of life and routine is now different. It's almost like being dropped off alone in a foreign country to fend for yourself.

You have to force yourself to establish a new routine. Create new habits so you can get a sense of normalcy.