Mleigh - slow as it may seem, those are some nice changes in your h. You know even if he does not join you on the vacation, it is progress that in that moment he vocalized wanting to join you! I do believe it's teeny tiny steps. He had a moment where he wanted to come--that is good!
As for your dream, I think I do the same. I hit this heavy duty processing that hurts a lot and then I get to a higher plateau.
That is really nice that he invited you over to shoot the bow and arrow! Nice 180. From where I stand and the little I know about your MIL, imho I am thinking it may be good to give h control just like you did here? If he asks you to do a few things, maybe play along just like you did? I suspect his mother served as a kind of movie director in the screenplay of his life. Poor guy!
Tell the truth, were you tempted to shoot the arrow into h's behind? You are a good girl that you did not!
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
Hi Kyh. I suppose there is really nothing to do to fix the past. I would love an apology, or at least, to know he would listen to my side, try to understand it and stand behind my view with her. It doesn't mean he sides with anyone, just support. If he could only accept and understand, decisions about S should be made by me and him, not his mother and him. But I would not want to put him in a position to choose sides, that is why I try to keep him out of it. I would love if he could help us to find a compromise, to at least care. To even ask me, what can I do to help? I just don't feel that from him. Hope that helps!
Thank you!!! It did help and right away! W wanted to talk r tonight and this came up. I've apologized most sincerely over and over before and I know I shouldn't keep apologizing for the same thing but I changed the way I apologized and she accepted it, told me thank you and then apologized for hurting me.
Hi M, Ah, you live in and about one of my favorite parts of your state! I think you handled the Momoutlaw beautifully. The hair thing is a really hot button for me. There's a school of thought that cutting someone's hair against their will is a power grab ... And you said she shuts down emotionally when confronted. I'm curious, has H responded in the same way to confrontation? You get where I'm going with this? However you can get h to respond, could you see if there are parallels to The Source, lol aka Mil? Dunno just thinking there might be a key here to a very old lock and a chance to possibly re-set things with h especially?
That's a great list you have there. As they say, keep building in the positives. I love that you didn't allow mils power grab attempt to control your day. You dealt with it and moved on. I agree with Job that boundary needs to be firm. This is the kind of crap that sent us into marriage counseling 10 years ago. I think rather than making it me vs mil keeping it about son's wishes/safety/best interests is a good way to keep the focus where it belongs: on the boy. Anyway late to the party but wanted to share since this is definitely something I've had experience with. Xoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
Kyh, I am so happy to hear you had a good talk with your W! So happy to help.
Bttrfly, H also shuts down upon confrontation. He and his mother are very alike, I can see where he gets many of his traits from. I realize that MIL has had to do a lot of stepping in with her children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. She has had one daughter choose drugs over her 3 children, and one of those grandchildren have 3 children before 20, on welfare. She has mentioned another grandchild possibly being in danger by living with her mom having shady people over. I think MIL is used to having to parent children within her family, what she needs to realize is just because her son is off in la la land, I am not. She also needs to understand that I don't have a very big trust and comfort level with her, for my own reasons, and that needs to be respected. Thank you for your input!
Well, this has been an insane crazy week for me, lots happening! I will try to keep it short.
Monday morning I get TM from H. He wants to come on trip with S and I, but has an important meeting on Tuesday. He suggests flying out to meet up with us after, but doesn't want to mess up anything we have planned. I respond that would work, we could do safari park on Wed, and he could drive back with us on Thursday? He got very excited, said that works perfect, and put in his vacation request. That night I dropped off S with him and rushed back to work for after hours office meeting, with wine and appetizers. It was actually fun!
Wed I had 2nd termite inspection done and got a much better result! I let H know with TM. He replied right away that it sounds great and also let me know his flight is booked and gave me the information.
I cut the cord on cable and am enjoying my new tv life of streaming. So far so good!
I talked with S about Grammy day on Thursday, he said he would prefer hanging out with me at work any day. I let H and MIL know I would be picking him up and that he would be with me, and let H know I would drive him over for his night. MIL responded ok. BTW, she never responded to my email reply to her. I just needed a break from her this week. Hopefully we can work this out. She has a couple of S free weeks to think about it.
I drove S to H and we chatted over everything, the trip, S school things, his new work truck, cutting cable....it was a good drop off. He has not said one word about MIL. He either doesn't know or doesn't care?
So, I am liking the friendship level H and I have reached. It feels very real. I am also a bit surprised he is actually flying out to join us! That is a huge effort on his part, something I needed to see. I catch myself, letting my mind wonder if this means something, but I am then able to reground myself. I am taking this for what it is, enjoying the moment, the NOW. I don't want to wonder what the future holds, what it means. I want to keep enjoying my life the way it is right now. I have been given the gift of time and space, a nice taste of freedom, and I am liking it! I can't forget that.
My mom called me at work this week and I took the call. She apologized, cried about how much she misses me. Sadly, I just feel nothing! But I told her I needed some space and that if we can both accept each other for who we are and what we can give, everything would be fine. I unblocked her and so far so good.
Another interesting turn, my BFF just got hired as CFO at H work. I wonder how he feels about that!? I will be totally honest, because I can do that here without sounding crazy. I have always wondered if there was someone at work with H, a possible secret OW. Well, I may finally get that answer! I will now know if his business trip during his birthday is really that. I will now know if he has a date for his upcoming annual work party. I will know a lot! Can you see a big smile over here? Funny how things work out, isn't it? Well, hopefully there is nothing to find out and H and I can continue to rebuild our friendship. Today is the 16 year anniversary of when H and I fell in love.
S and I head to Socal on Monday. We pick up H at the San Diego airport on Wednesday morning. It should be a fun trip! Weather looks to be gorgeous.
I really need to catch up on some posts this weekend. I hope you are all doing well!
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
You've had quite a bit going on in the last week! I'm glad your h decided to go on the trip w/you and your son. I think all of you will have a great time. You just might see some of the old h peeking out from time to time.
As for your MIL, she'll have plenty of time to think about things and w/you and your son away for a while, she might actually miss her grandson since he won't be visiting for a couple of weeks. I think that things will settle down w/her, but you have to continue to enforce the boundaries and remind her. I have a feeling that w/age, she's getting a bit forgetful and who knows...a bit stubborn w/old age to do what they think is best.
Glad to hear you got a better result w/the termite people. Hopefully that issue has been resolved for you, but if you don't think things are going the way you think they should, call them back up and have them come back out.
I hope that you and your family will enjoy your time away. Your fur babies are going to miss you, but they will be there to greet you upon your return. Travel safely and one last thing....ENJOY!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Mleigh - so glad your h has decided to leave the MLC compound to join the living. Can't wait to hear how thick his fog is when you can see how he operates in the real world. Hope he is able to get himself flying into the right airport!
I hope you guys have a great vacation. Be forewarned: the days have been hot here; even at 75 degrees, it is a hot 75.
Have a great time. You have a great attitude going into it.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
Thank you for the good wishes. We are pretty much ready to go! I am looking forward to getting away, but dreading to leave my fur babies! They will be in good hands though.
Heard from H tonight, first all weekend. Says he wants to see S before we leave. We decided he will come by in the morning before we leave since he will be taking dog for the first couple of days. We have exchanged some friendly texts this evening, joking back and forth.....nice to know he isn't on a Valentine's date! I don't know why I find it so hard to believe there is no OW. It's just so rare on here, but I guess it's possible. Hawho comes to mind for one. Either way, it's a comfort to know on days like today.
MIL called and left a message to wish S a Happy V day. Since I am teaching S good manners, I had him call her back to say the same.
I will try to update you this week on my MLC safari day. Hopefully I don't feed H to the lions. It should be fun, we all seem to be in good spirits these days.
I hope you all have a good week!
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
Oh gosh, my h spends so much time fantasizing about affairs I don't think he has any time left over for a real one. If he found someone to agree to his ridiculous terms while he still lives at home, this woman would have to be a BIG time loser.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
Oh gosh, mleigh, HaWho, you both crack me up! Mleigh, if you H does manage to fly himself into the right airport, and you don’t feed him to the lions, I’m very curious to hear your MLC safari story. I almost wish I could be that fly on the wall (in safari world it would be a train or a protective fence, LOL)… After all I’m just around the corner… Oh, yes, and it is normally a lot hotter in the Wild Animal Park than the weather report for the city. Make sure you have plenty of water and sun screen.
You sound very positive about your life and the whole journey. I caught myself smiling when I was reading your updates. Very interesting turn with your BFF and H’s work too. Here comes the time when the truth is revealed, LOL.
I hope you enjoy your trip.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
