Ghost Busting Round Six - it's about me

[ATPeace]

Ok so to clarify what hw been said

It is time for me to make the move to sell our house and go our separate ways

Huddy my w is not going to struggle in many ways she has built up about 12k as a leaving fund and has found a job that is two or three nights a week so this will be her income

She does not care if we go to separate houses this is what she wants

She does not care if she only sees her kids three or four days a week so this is what she will get she decides

I have taken my kids to Devon for a few days so will see if this takes my mind off my marrage

I still find myself thinking about her and what we had and what we could have

Thank you for your comments I have to be getting closer surely

[Fogg]

I still find myself thinking about her and what we had and what we could have

What you had is over and what you could have may never been. You have a present to live in, stop neglecting it by living in the past and future.

[Huddy]

Hi Ghost

£12k won't last long, especially if she's only working three days a week.

I'd be surprised if she's not bothered about the kids. If she's that far gone, then she has some serious work to do on herself. Going away to Devon sounds good. Bit chilly this time of year, but there Is plenty to entertain the kids down there.

I think being apart might make things clearer, to both of you. When I look back now, when we were in house S, I was stressed to the max and wasn't sleeping, eating properly etc. Being apart means I still miss being part of a couple, but it isn't the end of the world (yeah, you think it will be) and GAL'ing helps enormously.

I'm not saying you give up hope, you just give up on the situation for now. There is no fix you can perform here; your W will have to reach your own conclusions.

[Ginger1]

If any couple had to Socrates and live in separate homes, it's the two of you. You need to rip that bandaid and see you would be fine and perhaps even better.

[sandi2]

I might add, Huddy, that you sound so much stronger after getting out from under the in-house separation. I don't know how you stayed as long as you did.

Ghost, let Huddy be an example of getting better.

[Uphill]

Once the initial shock or whatever you may call it wears off, I feel it is much better out of house. I know the first week or two were living he!!. After that, living without the tension, without the constant tip toeing around the eggshells of anxiety spread throughout the home. It is a different kind of struggle G but I feel it did me good. I am in a place now, I couldn't have ever imagined being a few months back.

I am in no way saying it's going to fix every thought in your head, but it will not be in your face everywhere you turn. Makes it easier to GAL. Easier to sit and think. Just easier to live.

[Huddy]

Easy to explain sandi2 - fear. That's what I'm trying to explain to Ghost. Between BD (Easter Sunday) and about the start of September, I think I was petrified that my life would be so shite, that I wouldn't see my kids and my W would move 230 miles away, I was motionless. Chats with NDY, RD, Sotto, Azzork, Wonka and yourself made me reappraise the work I'd done and I realised I had to make a better stab at it.

Yeah, I still miss W, but I'm no longer stressed out and I have my kids with me right now. W is no longer as hostile and who knows what might happen. That's the thing, until you actually release yourself from the fear, you spin - it's that simple.

Ghost - get out; even if you're just going to sleep in a bedsit, you will find some peace and be able to do proper work on yourself.

[ATPeace]

Thank you for the last few posts I know that this is where I need to be

I really need some support I don't need a bashing I am at the end

I had a very difficult night last night I am away with my younger children at my sisters my eldest daughter is at home and have had little contact with my wife I know she was going out last night my eldest daughter told me and she told me that she was going out for a meal and then off to two different night clubs.

I have been feeling very low and stupidly I tried phoning her at 1.30 am eventually she answered after hanging up the phone before answering three or four times I could've been calling about the children or anything as it was I was trying to phone her as I was feeling very low

I do not know what I expected there was a lot of background noise she was clearly at a nightclub and I guess she would have been enjoying herself and the last person that she wanted to speak to would have been me

She was cold and very distant towards me and un caring unloving she just wanted to get back to her friend and the nightclub

I hung up from her and ended up on the phone to the Samaritans for over an hour

This situation is affecting me I really do not know if I will get through this and I know when I go back home I know a conversation will take place because of the fact that I called her whilst she was out

I cannot continue with an in-house seperation with no chance of getting back with her it is killing me

Please be strong for me I do not need a bashing from you guys I do not have a plan of what is going to happen or how I would like things to pan out when I get home I will be shooting from the hip

Do I go home and tell her as I walk in through the door that I am done and I cannot do this any longer

Do I call her from here and say I am sorry for calling her

Do I wait for her to bring it up when I get home then agree with whatever she says with relation to what happens next

I still love her and desperately want to Try and finds way to fix this I feel I have to start to hate her I do not want to hate her

Feeling destroyed and shattered

Ghost

[JellyB]

Hey G,

I haven't been around much lately. It seems you are have a little slide backwards. You know I saw Huddy's post and I thought to myself you know I reckon G is going to much better than he anticipates being in his own place. You know I reckon space from all the is or isn't going to happen, will in some way be a relief. Finally you will know and with that comes two things.

1. The unknown thing that you have been thinking about anticipating and turning into a huge monster is no longer unknown, you get to see the thing that has been freaking you out. Your imagination stops running wild and reality can set in.

2. You can feel the independence of being your own man, making decision that in most instances effect only you. Imagine yourself, (when you don't have the children) being able to do exactly as you please. This morning I lay in bed for two hours chatting with friends online. My washing needed to be folded, more washing to be done. I needed to tidy my bedroom. And I did none of it until I wanted to. There was no one there to think I was being lazy, not helping, no feelings of judgement. Its a good feeling G.

Sometimes it is easy to imagine how bad things are going to be, but G, it is equally as easy to allow your brain to think about how good it might be too.

Maybe G, maybe just every now and then, imagine the how good it might feel thinking and worry about only you.

Just a little crazy suggestion, try it on for size and see where you mind takes you if you allow yourself only a stream of thought about how good it could be.

Hope this passes soon. We know it does just read back on your threads. It totally confirm that these feelings pass and you get a second wind. Do believe everything you think G. It may not be true.

Keep posting G.

Jellyxxx

[JellyB]

Don't believe everything you think and feel G. It may not be true. Damn edit button..so bloody wayward!