In the meantime, it is so nice that you are able to practice good relationship skills with this guy. Sometimes I think we are not so unhealthy as we've been led to think by the way our interactions with the unhealthy former spouses.
Maybell, I think you are so spot on with this. My IC has sort of skirted around this, but never spelled it out so clearly. She observes that I don't have a problem talking to and expressing myself well with her and she sometimes questions my descriptions of myself. I see the same thing with Mr. Young Nica, that I am pretty good at expressing myself with him, and I feel like its' a safe place even when it's hard. Big difference, but I'm not the variable.
I don't know what's happening with Mr. YoungNica, I sincerely adore him. But I also know that my happiness is mine to keep and I can be happy with him or without him, so I'm stepping back a bit. I'll keep you posted.
Today is our 26th anniversary, and we are still M. I don't plan on mentioning it, and he hasn't. I'm having lunch with a friend, and plan on going out for happy hour after work. Still, I have a knot in my stomach.
I'm so glad you have a plan to not be alone for some of today. I remember feeling like that on my 17th anniversary. We were still married and hadn't spoken seriously of divorce, and he ignored it. It hurt like he!!. The following Valentine's Day I didn't expect anything of him but I felt wrong all day and it wasn't till late in the afternoon that I realized what the problem was. As soon as I admitted it to myself I felt better.
This past October, which would have been our 18th anniversary, I noted it all day long but it really didn't hurt at all. By then we were actually divorced and I was so relieved to be moving forward that although I felt a little bit sad at how things had turned out, it didn't hurt more than that. And that was very bearable.
Sunny, in the last couple of years you've been like the big sister I've never had (or met!) I don't know how sisters show up for each other, but I want you to know I'm thinking warm thoughts towards you, always appreciate your wisdom and your steadiness, and wish the very best for you.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
Lots of love to you today. Be very kind to yourself today. I've had 3 antiversaries so far (one just a week after stbx moved out). I buy myself a little gift, surround myself with people and things I love and also give myself room to feel sad if that is what happens.
You are strong and brave and kind and loved. Let that be the message you tell yourself today and every day. ((Claire))
Thanks, MB and Claire. Proud to have you guys as sisters.
Just after I posted, I received a text from Mr. P. It wasn't exactly Happy Anniversary, but it was a recognition of the day. I texted back something simple and we both let it go. I went in the bathroom and cried.
V, I am pretty sure you aren't too old, you just need to regroup and rest a while. You've dealt with a lot, take care of yourself first.
Yesterday turned out OK in the end. I went to lunch with a dear friend I've known for 20 years. She knows my history, and has been one of the relatively few friends that have really stuck by me throughout everything. Then, after work I went to happy hour with my new group of friends. They didn't know it was my anniversary, they were just happy to see me, and that was a nice viewpoint also.
I've hit a crisis point with my Young Nica. I don't know that we're going to make it through the day. I spent time yesterday thinking about us and how he's taught me so many things and how I'd eventually like to have someone almost exactly like him. But there are some sticking points, and I spelled out something pretty clearly this morning that just may break us. I'm willing to let him one go, willing to let him rise to the occasion or step away. No matter what happens by the end of the day, I'm grateful he's been in my life and I'll tell him so.
