Thank you for replying Thornton, I really appreciate it. I have already been doing that as a 180 since H left in November, just the last couple of weeks I have backslid and struggled! Didn't seem to have any effect so maybe it was a cheese less tunnel or maybe I just hadn't done it for long enough. I don't know.
Hi inpain. I know, it's so difficult some days. What else can you do that's different and super attractive? Or be mysterious and tell H you need him to spend time with kids because you are going out?
I'm not really in touch with W so I'm just trying to stay positive (with not always good results) and work on self improvement. And sometimes all I can do is sob. But we just keep going I guess. Everyone says it will get better, but sometimes I wonder. So then I just keep breathing. That's all we can do sometimes.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Please don't think you're not being helpful Rouky, I really do appreciate everything that people suggest - even if I'm not that great at implementing it!
It is very awkward isn't it. I'm sorry that seeing your H today has stirred things back up for you and left you unsure what to do. It is so incredibly hard. I wonder if they find it as hard as we do?
My H will not let me drop the kids off at his Dad's where he's staying. I didn't understand why but now I think it must be because he doesn't want me to see the motorbike/s he's bought!
Thanks NYGal, yes, all we can do is keep breathing and plodding. I feel like I am plodding through each and every waking minute. It is so exhausting!
I am making sure my hair is always done when H comes round instead of just sticking it up in a 'that will do' messy bun every day and making sure I'm nicely dressed and wearing make up. (Although the nicely dressed and make up isn't a 180 really, but the hair is!). H meanwhile turns up looking awful all of the time - jogging bottoms and a baggy fleece and stubble. Clearly he's not trying to 180 me!
I do the same. I'm going to meet some friends from my divorce group but I'm doing my hair on the outside chance W is in the same restaurant! Sick.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
I only have one bit of advise. Your H access to the house. Please make sure you don't leave you computer or tablet open with this site in the browsing history. Lock it down. Also hide any notes you might take or books you are reading on MLC, DB.
It won't help much if he knows you are here.
It's still all new and you are still hurting. Hope you see that you are a lot better than the day 1 when you started writing here.
Nothing wrong with crying . I had my own nights this week when I was full of emotions. Let it out when you are alone.
Glad you updated us. I know many are thinkng of you
Irish
M51 XW43 (38 at bd) BD1 MAY 30 2015 BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text moved out Aug 2 2015 left both Daughters 13 and 15 (now 18-20) Her divorce Final July 26 2016 Last time she saw her kids Aug 2 2015
Hi Rain. No, it didn't seem to make any difference. In fact, if anything, he is coming round more now. Over the Christmas period there were days in a row where he wouldn't come round and I was being all happy then. Maybe he had to many Christmas parties to attend to, I don't know.
Had a bad night last night after discovering he's bought another motorbike. What does everyone think about this? Should I still handle it with a STFU smoothie? I don't know if he's sold the first one and bought this one or if he has two. We don't have the money which means he's taking out finance. I don't know how he comes round and looks me in the eye when he knows he is doing these things behind my back. He also has smart watches saved in our ebay watch list so no doubt that is the next thing he'll be getting. I don't understand why he's doing this but making no move to go to a L. I think I can safely say he is in MLC now with all these purchases as though he's young, free and single.
I was reading and thought maybe MLC. Especially if he also seems depressed. As for how to handle it, I don't really know. If you say something will it bring you further or closer to your goal? <<<from the book.
And will it change anything? Honestly, you know him, will he return them if he knows that his secret is out? If not then it may cause a bigger problem.
I just don't want you to feel worse than you already do. I said something about the cam girls to mine because the money being spent was leaving the kids and I without. He blew up at me. Said nasty things. Even told me it was "his" money since he is the one that works. It was awful. Granted it didn't last too long (the meanness as the cam girls are still an issue) but it really didn't help me.
Im sure much wiser people can answer your question better. And give you a more concrete path to take.
Rain (moi): 40 Ex Fiance: 39 3 kids On/off again EA & PA Last BD by ow 12/15 Moved kids and myself back into our own place: 12/15
Not that we can mindread and know what's going on in their heads, but the depression and sudden interest in "toys" (pricey ones) does sound like...well, an attempt to feel excited and happy about something. An "easy" lift in emotions...like how you feel as a child on Christmas Day. And like that child, they probably have convinced themselves that they deserve it because they deserve to be happy...about something. Finances then just don't seem so important.
Is this an MLC? Could be. As our Hs show signs of depression and voice concerns about aging, that seems to be the obvious reason. But is MLC just depression mixed with aging or is it depression brought on by fear of aging mixed with stresses outside their control?
This MLC thing, while convenient to explain what we view as irrational behavior, to me it has to have a cause...a reason... for it to be a real thing. Something, some thought process is going on in that person's head that is causing the behavior we view as irrational and out of character. To them it is the course of action that makes sense at the time. It may be out of desperation to alter a course they fear they are on, to get out of pain, or to fight some fear we don't know they have. The problem is, we don't know what is in their heads. We can't help. We can just watch and be confused and hurt. Oh, also supportive when those opportunities arise.
Once again, their journey. That's why we have to repeatedly try to focus on us...no matter how many times their behavior intrudes on our lives. Smile, validate, set some boundaries for your sanity, and give them space to be themselves. No pursuing. And don't listen to those who tell you to just dump him and give up...that is your choice as to when to call your M dead and yours alone. Ugh...it is hard.
M-51 H-54 2D-27 and 25 M-26 yrs Bombshell and IHS 7-29-15 He moved out 10-3-15 D filed 1-27-16 D final 10-27-16
