I did unfollow her. She did as well. Just checked all her friends in her list. OM isn't there.
I have zero leeway with her. Little things are blown out of proportion. With no love, and hating me, the level of resentment is high. She's not talking to him, and wins me as a boobie prize. Not happy with that. I think to her, living in the real world [censored]. Being an administrator puts her on high stress, and the fantasy help as a pressure valve to the stress.
It's easier to just not converse with her.
M46, EXWW46 M15 T17 D20, S19, D13 M - Addiction since 1998 W EA/PA #1 2013/2014 W EA #2 June 2015... BD 1 Big D talk 9/15 BD 2 - EA/PA disc 10/30/15 Served D 1/22/16 Divorced 5/25/16 (yes, that fast!)
Waywardness is in the heart of the person. Ending the A and having NC with OM is just one step in the right direction. It's a big step, but it doesn't mend all of the waywardness that was already in her heart before the A.
At this time, resentment and disrespect are running high. Frankly, I am quite surprised she has gone this length of time without contacting OM, especially with things between you being so tense.
Getting through the withdrawals does not assure the resentment and disrespect will get any better, however, her mood may improve. There may not be much you can do about her holding on to resentments, but you can do something about the show of disrespect.
In the meantime, staying out of her way when she's obviously in a foul mood is probably the way to go.........only b/c you are giving her time and some space to deal with her internal struggles right now. And who knows, God may be convicting her, too. Just don't fall into that thing that nice-guys do, when they avoid things b/c it's easier. I am thinking your W is taking her anger of the A ending out on you. If it continues, I think you should not continue to avoid it. Address it.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Sandi, I think you're right. Her anger isn't in what I'm doing, it's that she's angry the affair is done. She did say that she might be depressed right now, something she hasn't said before.
She thinks having the same IC is weird - the goal would be to get to couple MC someday with the counselor. She has mentioned her concern is that we're talking about her in my sessions (we're not - the focus is on me, and how I can be a loving husband for her, even when she doesn't reciprocate). I think this comes to her thinking I'm judging her all the time. I'm not, I think she's judging/condeming herself, and is moving anger from herself to me. In the beginning, I did all the usual things, but in the last month, I've seen my hurt lessen, and I'm giving it to God.
There is a distance between us now - for me, it wasn't there before, or I didn't notice. I hope once my W is through withdrawls, and starts to make some effort on us, that we can close the distance.
I did buy her carnations - red and white - for mother's day. The kids made cards for her. I did buy her a gift, but it won't be here for a few days. I'm doing things I've never done before - we never celebrated Valentine's Day.
M46, EXWW46 M15 T17 D20, S19, D13 M - Addiction since 1998 W EA/PA #1 2013/2014 W EA #2 June 2015... BD 1 Big D talk 9/15 BD 2 - EA/PA disc 10/30/15 Served D 1/22/16 Divorced 5/25/16 (yes, that fast!)
So, D7 was using my wife's ipod. Of course, it shows what's going on with her iPhone, which I don't have access to. See OM called her today - on Valentine's Day. Oh, so nice to see he still cares... GRRR.
Confronted wife. She was stunned I knew, was scared to tell me, and didn't know how she would. Still working on the accountability/truth thing... anyway, she didn't call him back. I believe her on that.
Her snippiness to me is showing up with family and some other friends at church. The big truth she told me today is that she thinks she's depressed. I just listened, and told her I understood that it's normal for what she's gone through.
Got some much needed sleep today, and she did as well. Got our taxes done. Finishing some work tonight, and then 2nd week in my new job. Last week was just trying to find the surface of the water - this week I'll try to doggie paddle some.
M46, EXWW46 M15 T17 D20, S19, D13 M - Addiction since 1998 W EA/PA #1 2013/2014 W EA #2 June 2015... BD 1 Big D talk 9/15 BD 2 - EA/PA disc 10/30/15 Served D 1/22/16 Divorced 5/25/16 (yes, that fast!)
Oh that's rough Trumpet. BUT, she did not call him back. I wonder if there's a way to block his number. He must be missing his "fix" too, on VD (always loved that stood for both Valentines and Venereal disease...) Best wishes with the job and running. Once you get the hang of pacing & breathing, running is GREAT!! Keep pushing & keep trying. In everything. You really are doing this!
Me: 42, H: 38 Married: 12 years (second M for me) 14D, 9D 2015 EA (PA??), porn addict, *pastor/counselor* MLC
At a counselor, he said he wanted the marriage but not to work on himself w/a IC. Piecing?
Trumpet, it concerns me when your posts start coming slower/fewer. Maybe b/c I have seen others do that right before they quit posting at all. I realize you must be terribly discouraged and frustrated, and perhaps feel you are getting conflicting advice, IDK. I just hope you will stick with us.
How are you doing with your addiction? This stress must put more pressure on you to cave to the porn. You have the strength from the highest power you can get!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
