I went to the basketball game. OM wasn't there (sorry V, there was no one to glare or glower at). Yay - one less day in my life that I have to see his miserable mug. Instead OMs STBXW was there. She confided in me that her D12 knows about the A and is threatening to give my W a piece of her mind. Who know if OMs D12 will tell my kids? I sometimes forget that Ws selfish actions did not just affect me and my family. My W also destroyed OMs family. There's definitely enough hurt to go around. My Mother and sisters are still heartbroken. I don't think an apology to them is forthcoming either. my W is a 1-man emotional wrecking ball, and the hits just keep on coming.
After the game I went to a friends for wings. We learned together. We had a great time. Did not get any texts or drive-bys from OM. All-in-all I had a great evening. I am thankful for that.
Received the following from W: "Please let me know if you are going to the bball game tonight. I told S13s friend's mother that one of us will drive him to our house after the game." Implicit is this that W just volunteered me to carpool. I don't mind doing it for S13s friend, but I also don't appreciate being volunteered. I told W that I am going to the game and left it at that. But I am not Ws tag-team partner anymore and don't want to do things for her. Even if I am going to the game, I don't need or want to feel obligated to carpool just because my STBXW had the idea. Am I being too touchy? Is there a boundary I am neglecting?
Just puttin' it out there.
RAI
P.S. re: "The truth always out you know." V, I think of this every time my W butters up my children. The honeymoon will not last forever.
Just found out that W is having S4 referred for occupational therapy. Pediatrician called me by mistake. I really would like to be kept in the loop about these things.
Recently she took S11 to psychologist without telling me. I would like, and have the right, to know about these things. I told my W this, as politely as I could muster. Not only did I tell W about S11 detician's appointment, I invited her because it is information that she needs. I am starting to get annoyed (or paranoid- take your pick) that my STBXW is excluding me from caregiving decisions.
Also, W is taking kids for the weekend to another city to visit friends. I cannot go because I am on call. I don't know if I would have gone anyway - I do not want to travel with her and pretend that everything is normal - basically, cover for her - anymore. It is the first time she is doing this.
I think you need boundaries with W, that she asks and doesn't volunteer you.
Imagine if you couldn't car pool, for example you are at meeting or important conference, then the implication might be dad won't do this, rather than dad can't.
Have you an online calender, I believe HeavyD made that work very well. It took the 'sting' and subjectivity from appointments etc.
I can't remember who originally suggested it, Mozza I think.
Perhaps Sunny, but I can't find the resource, so if there is a parent out there who knows perhaps they could point in the right direction.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
I didn't read this as her volunteering him. She asked if he was going to the game (didn't assume it) and actually said that "one" of them would give the if a ride ( at least that's what RAI wrote.
The shared calendar is called Cozi, but it only works when both parties are amenable to using it.
RAI- the medical stuff should be specifically addressed as part of your settlement. In the meantime, I would try simply and politely stating that you would like to informed about all of the kid's doctors appt.
Frankly it sounds like you need a legal separation agreement sooner than later given what you've written about kids and finances.
Just stopping by to hello (HELLO) and to see where things are at. So nice to see you posting!
I don't know about where you are living (US or UK) but down this way, guardians are entitled to any information directly from the health practitioners or schools. If your STXW appears to be slow at providing the information, go straight to the source. Let them know that the children are in a shared care/ or separated parent situation and that all appointment letters and reports need to be sent to both you and wife. Let them know that if copies come to both you it avoids lots stress.
I have yet to come across a doctor, nurse, health administrator, school or school admin person who is not willing to provide assistance.
Just a suggestion. I think the shared calendar is also a great idea.
