So anyone that has an Android phone should know what I'm talking about. There is an App that lets you get and receive texts and video calls. They do not show up anywhere but in the app. (unless you want them to)
XF started using this app right around the time he started with the cam girls. He constantly had messages coming in. I said something about it. We argued. Then I downloaded it and sent him a message. Yes, because I am SO very mature.
He never responded because you can also see when people are on or last used the app. And he said he never uses it. Anyway, fast forward to a little while ago and I get an incoming video call from him on the app. LOL
I guess his desire to see when and if Rain is on the app is stronger than his desire for me to know the same.
But now I won't look and he will be looking but he is the only person I ever used it for.
But yes, now he used it once to talk to the kids. And called back as I was writing this. I put the camera on the kids and he said hi again and said...no mommy I'm calling for you. I cut that video chat short and quick!
Hi Rain. IMHO XF can't let you go. I know you are both aggravating each other right now. Can you find a way to have a more productive conversation with him? Or just listen to him with an open heart? I don't mean put up with the b.s. This is from the book I'm reading: "Differentiation is achieved by learning to separate what you think from what you feel—and by learning to be yourself while respecting other people’s right to be themselves. " And this: "Misunderstanding is perpetuated when each one broods over the awful things the other one does and one or both of them eventually finds someone else to complain to." That's what my W did with ow. I don't know... I'm just trying to learn how to be a better listener so we can find common ground. I wish W would badger me like XF is badgering you! The silence here is deafening.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
"Differentiation is achieved by learning to separate what you think from what you feel—and by learning to be yourself while respecting other people’s right to be themselves. " And this: "Misunderstanding is perpetuated when each one broods over the awful things the other one does and one or both of them eventually finds someone else to complain to." That's what my W did with ow. I don't know... I'm just trying to learn how to be a better listener so we can find common ground. I wish W would badger me like XF is badgering you! The silence here is deafening.
Those are insightful. Thanks NYGal. And it seems as if he is badgering me but I have had many hours even days of silence. Especially during PA.
But I'm sad that you're feeling blue NYG. You're somehwere in the middle right now. Some here have a lot or too much communication (negative most times)..and some none at all. You have some interaction and they all seem to be positive.
Divorce Remedy says to look for and celebrate the baby steps. I really have to re-read it, now, from this new place.
I know that you're still reading, feel free to share any other nuggets you find.
Next snow day MB, Anna, inpain and I will swing by with some takeout, wine and movies.
"Facing encounters that raise your anxiety tests your maturity, strengthens you if you have the courage to stand fast and let matters unfold, or weakens you if you fall back into reactivity and defensiveness. Making contact, letting others be themselves while you continue to be yourself, and learning to resist automatic reactions strengthens you and transforms your relationships. Staying open and staying calm—that’s the hardest part. You do the best you can."
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
I'm so tempted to contact her. But you are keeping me strong.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
"Facing encounters that raise your anxiety tests your maturity, strengthens you if you have the courage to stand fast and let matters unfold, or weakens you if you fall back into reactivity and defensiveness. Making contact, letting others be themselves while you continue to be yourself, and learning to resist automatic reactions strengthens you and transforms your relationships. Staying open and staying calm—that’s the hardest part. You do the best you can."
This sounds a lot like Zues. Reading it does make me feel like I haven't been strong enough to let him be himself and let events unfold organically. That doesn't make me look or feel very good. And staying calm aka STFU.
I like seasoned salt and nutritional yeast and sometimes tamari or Tabasco!
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
I'm so tempted to contact her. But you are keeping me strong.
Oh NYGal...((((((NYG)))))), today is really hard for you and I'm sorry. I can only tell you what I'm sure you've read here many times. The first time I found out about his A I wish so badly that I would have left him then and gone dark. Why? Well, not only because I did everything wrong. Every-thing!
But also because now I see how even if it doesn't change their mind or bring them running home, us being dark and GALing makes them uncomfortable and curious (and suddenly ow is on the back burner even if a little which won't make her happy) and I didn't use that to my advantage when it may have mattered most. When it could have saved me from him dragging the A on for so long.
With that said. I hope that you try and not contact W today.
