Sorry for the late response G. I haven't been on in awhile. Sounds like things have been pretty $hitty lately. Sorry.
I'm going to get to the point... I believe the cold hard truth is that you need a L. Please get one. Things are already bad, you are letting him take advantage of you b/c you are here (at DB trying to fix things, trying to be a family).
It will be better if you disassociate from him. You have to leave the country. He will stop being able to feed off you. Will you please consider it further?
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
Hi Mahhty Thanks for checking in. You're always missed. I've already decided I'm going to go see the L again before we go to mediation. I want to know everything I am legally entitled to. If he keeps trying to screw me over, I won't hesitate to hire the L to represent me. It will be money well spent.
G - I responded to you on my thread (to early and before coffee).
But I didn't respond to this directly.
"What do you mean he won't be able to feed off me?"
I was bullied during my D, by the woman I loved. She was leaving the relationship and I was holding onto it. This gave her control and power to manipulate, to feed off my grief to her means, all while her respect for me diminishes (because I'm holding on and she is already gone).
A strong boundary can metaphorically say to the WAW, "Listen I'm done with your $hit. Do what you will do. I have more respect for myself than to play games with you."
Then they are alone. Alone to deal with the consequences of their decisions. Alone to figure out the world. In my short time here, I've seen more people reconcile b/c of a strong boundary than people reconcile for holding on (like you and like me). Read about Squiggy. He dropped his off and filed for D on his own, while she was with OM. Last I heard they were moving back in together. He got it!
In that light, my recommendation is to remove yourself from the equation. Get a L, not just council with one, but hire one. If he is still with the OW. Divorce him.
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
I'm just so worried about getting in a custody fight about our D. I want to start slowly with overnight visits, going slowly from one night to 2 etc. If a judge becomes involved they might start it at a week. My D could not handle that. Neither could I. But I totally see your point regarding respect. He KNOWS I'd never spent the money on an L, he knows I'm terrified about how I'm gonna make money besides the thing I might start up with him, so he's hanging that over my head.
Thanks for your input, Mahhty. As usual you have great points.
Vanilla, you are more than qualified and welcome to come. A designated driver who doesn't even drink? - Dream come true.
Grl, I'm stressed about my upcoming move. My ex mil is flying in to help me. Very nice, but I have to remember she is his mother, so I have to watch my tongue. And try not to kill her too.
You killing someone, impossible! You are too sweet :-). I don't think a judge would ask straight away for a week stay, he'd do it gradually! I know you are scared but try to see about this time to be your YOU TIME and do what you can't do when you have your kid.
But it's not on the agenda at the moment. Protect yourself and your kid, please GMum.
Thanks, Rouky. Right back at you. Btw, you should also look at Mona's thread.
I know I can't control what happens when D is with her dad, but this is a man, who a few months ago, admitted he has no clue how to brush her teeth. He lets her eat crap all day long. ARGGH!!! I know, I know. Just venting.
