PigPen, I know my reply was a long time in coming, but I can't thank you enough for your post. It really helped me parse what I am going through and helped me accept my feelings. I have read and re-read your post a few times over the weeks. Just knowing that others have been through this helps. I have been telling more co-workers and friend. I have received more support, but the reality of my sitch is also really starting to hit home because of it. I am in my office right now working on the D paperwork. I have a 30-day deadline and I still have a lot left to do. I am thankful that I had the holidays to work on all of this. Unfortunately, that translated into much less time spent with my children. Except for the oldest, they don't really know why I have been spending so much time at the office. I am scanning documents and trying to make sense of my STBXWs terrible filing system. I took boxes of folders to my office and I still can't find critical documents. I have not had time to GAL, with rare exception. I have not had time to post. I feel like an emotional wreck right now. I am getting stir-crazy in my office. no one to keep me company. Geez, I miss having someone with whom to be intimate. I don't know how my W would willingly choose this. Insane.
Yesterday was a rough day. I former classmate of mine died. He had a chronic illness and really struggled. I was not that close with him, but for some reason it hit me really hard. I guess confronting my own mortality shook me up. Add to that that I was cooped up in my office all day, searching for documents that I could not find - no matter how frantically I looked. I get bogged down or hung up on single documents. fearful that I will be held in contempt if I do not provide EVERY SINGLE DOCUMENT. I did not really eat all day and the heat in the bldg was on high. I did not get home until around midnight, feeling like I had accomplished almost nothing.
As I am working on the discovery documents and affidavits, I keep telling myself that it is JUST PAPERWORK, but for some reason it is really stressing me out. I feel like every dollar amount that I put down is too high or too low. I have this sense of foreboding that my STBXW is going to swindle me for every penny and get the kids, to boot. I still can't figure out how I got here, not that it matters anymore. Still, the tears bubble just under the surface.
Now a quick moment of gratitude... For the past week+ I have been looking for the title to my car and deed to my house. To important documents to provide. I searched high and low, gutting my filing cabinets. I searched at home, in my office, in my car. This morning, I reached into my closet drawer to grab my D6s birthday card - G-d bless her - and I pulled out the title and deed with it. Mystery solved. The Lord works in mysterious ways.
Help. I feel like I am drowning. I spent all day scanning discovery documents, trying to fill out affidavits, and answering interrogatories. I just CAN'T find every piece of information that is being requested. I barely ate today. I barely left my office, except to go to the copier. I am in such a rut. My brain is completely fried. I am losing morale quickly. I have terribly irrational fears of Ws L mauling me in court. I feel so alone. Every time I think I have changed and "risen above it" I get knocked down a notch. I feel like a depressed zombie.
RAI, STEP AWAY FROM THE DOCUMENTS. Pretty please, with big deliciously gorgeous cherries on top with a dollop of luscious cream.
Now get up, flap your hands ridicously fast, like you have seen children with autism do and look up to the ceiling. Do this for a minute, shouting at the YES! YES! YES! Austic children hand flap to soothe themselves. It is a sensory experience to relieve stress. Staring at the ceiling and saying yes, changes the neutral pathways in the brain that are cycling around negative thoughts and experiences.
DO IT, don't think about how you look. Maybe do think about how you look because it will make you smile.
Then take some deep breathes. Did you know that when to consciously focus on a deep breath the brain disengages and for a second or two and nothing else exists for the brain but breathing. You can't focus on a deep breath and a problem at the same time. Just try.
Go outside and get yourself some food, Your brain can't work without fuel. I mean something that will give you good energy. Something with substance.
Then come back. I will be here. And we can figure out what next.
JellyB, thanks for the encouragement. I ended up leaving the office and caught the last 20 min of S13 and S11's basketball game. D6 came with me. It was a much needed break. Next time I get frazzled I will definitely try your technique. How can I refuse such a delicious request . It reminds me of some of the techniques suggested by Zelig Pliskin - someone I really admire.
I'm glad you took a break RAI. Children are great at breaking the circuits and on occasion tipping you over the edge, but sounds like it did the trick in the interim. I'm a cycler too, I get overwhelmed in negative thoughts. I worked with paediatric psychotherapists and occupational therapists for about three years and found a lot of the techniques they used with kids with autism, worked amazingly well for children with high levels of anxiety too. So I manage anxiety and found some the sensory suggestions were really good. I am a closet hand flapper when feeling really anxious or can't concentrate. People laugh at me, but I reckon if it's good enough our gorgeous special needs kids , then it's good enough for me.
Keep posting RAI, I notice you come and go a bit. You're a name I look out for. You have left lovely posts on U-turn's thread and he comes and goes as well. People who aren't regular posters get a bit lost in the noise of this place sometimes, so I tend to watch for them. Just so you know.
JellyB, I have been having a very stressfull time the past few days and don't seem to be coping as I should. I'm sure it will hit me again later today and when it does, I'm going to try your suggestions myself. I should probably go to my room and lock the door so my kids can't come in and stare and laugh at me, lol.
Rai, you have been doing so well. I'm sorry that you're having such a stressfull time right now. Keep your chin up, this too shall pass. Stay strong and keep taking those deep breaths. You can do this!
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
I've been looking through the MLC threads this morning, looking for inspiration and guidance. I found this little gem, and I'm going around sharing it with everyone I think it may be helpful to. Sometimes everything just gets to be too much, and I forget where I'm supposed to be focusing. It really helped me redefine where I want to go, and how I'm going to get there. I hope it helps you a bit, too.
Originally Posted By: ericmsant2
Consider the DB basic principals....
1) Healthy boundaries. 2) Better communication 3) GAL 4) "act as if" 5) Change how you look at things 6) Keep a positive outlook 7) Personal growth 8) Learning more about you so that you can be all that you can be. 9) Learning to avoid "cheese less tunnels" 10) Love and respect
These principals can be used in all facets of ones life. When used properly....they truly can change you from the INSIDE OUT.
No post in a long time. The deadline to get my D paperwork in has come and gone and I have survived. from re-reading my previous posts, it seems it took a lot out of me. Today, our Ls are meeting with the magistrate to set up temporary court orders. Since we are living in the same house and are still sharing expenses, it does not seem like this is going to make much of a difference in our financial, living, and parenting situations.
Early this morning D7 walked into my room and was upset that she could not find W in the house. I went downstairs to look for W. When I got to W's room, I turned on the lights to find W in a new pillow-top queen sized bed. I asked her how she paid for it. She told me she used “our” money to purchase it. She is right, she did: I found a charge for $859.00 on my credit card. ILs and OM are empowering her to be so rebellious and to make such terrible financial decision as the divorce approaches. She is spending like it is going out of style. She does not show me her receipts, so I have no idea what she is spending on. However, she left a receipt in my car last weekend. She bought two skirts and charged it to her personal credit card. She is charging things to her own credit cards and to my credit cards. These are all marital debts. Who knows how much she is spending? She is not making wise financial decisions and it will hurt me, the children, and her in the long run. I am just amazed at how entitled she is acting. ----------------
Originally Posted By: JellyB
People who aren't regular posters get a bit lost in the noise of this place sometimes, so I tend to watch for them. Just so you know.
JellyB, thanks again for the advice. As a non-regular poster, I do sometimes feels like I am posting to myself exclusively. I want you to know how nice it makes me feel to know that someone is looking out for me. Even if you don't reply, it means so much to me to know that you and others are watching over me. you picked up on my insecurity without me even having to mention it. Very empathic of you.
Also, I read your most recent thread. It seems like you have a knack for identifying the strength in others, but that you are simultaneously completely blind to your own strengths. I have news for you. You are already a butterfly: you are living your life, tribulations and all. You are striving towards self-improvement.
Remember the Lion from the Wizard of Oz? He was afraid that he had no courage, but he had it all along. the proof was in his journey. Are you on a journey at present? I am assuming then that you have the sufficient courage to complete the journey.
Quote:
For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way. Something to be got through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life. -Alfred D. Souza
We all need to keep on keepin' on. Your life is not turning out the way you expected it. Is anyone's? That does not change who you are. A soul. When I read your last post to me, I thought to myself, who is this awesome DIVA? Another Ancaire, another Vanilla, another Sotto, another SunnyB, another Sandi? WOW! I challenge you to prove to me that you are NOT awesome.
Rai, you have been doing so well. I'm sorry that you're having such a stressfull time right now. Keep your chin up, this too shall pass. Stay strong and keep taking those deep breaths. You can do this!
MB, I just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Honest, that is what it feels like some days. Thanks for the encouragement and support. Just when I think I made it over a hurdle, along comes another more emotionally-painful, anxiety-provoking hurdle.
. It reminds me of some of the techniques suggested by Zelig Pliskin - someone I really admire.