Good for you! I buy myself flowers, too! Each time I do, I mentally roll up my middle finger to MLC.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
Now mom is attacking me on email. I deleted right away but saw the words "foul", "go for the jugular" and "what do I do if there is an emergency?" Again, much of my guilt comes from being the only person around for her. But she did that, not me. Her spew and dysfunction has chased everyone away. She lives in a mobile home park and has had an altercation with every neighbor....
I can only imagine what is on my work email....
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
I am so sorry that you are having to deal w/this. Your mother needs professional help. Is she a danger to herself or others?
All you can do is block and delete her messages. I wish that I had an answer for you on how to deal w/her.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
MLeigh, I'm sorry to hear about the contact from your Mum - that's a tough one. It makes me realise I have been lucky to have a steady Mum, who has always been there for me. She has dementia now, so we are there for her, but I still feel lucky for the times we have.
The stuff from your Mum doesn't really sound like something it would be easy to constructively respond to. And as you say - perhaps the delete button is the best way. How she emails you is all about her and not about you.
Ps: I did read along with the fraught DIY session - I have been there! Glad things got sorted in the end xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
The beautiful thing is, spew jackets come in all sizes and colors and can be used in several situations... Seems your H is not the spew type but your moms makes up for him eh?
You touched on how at this point we are able to DB unilaterally... No matter the sitch, or person, it's just plain smart to use the DB tool box in other areas of our lives, it works, it's made us better, you are DBing your mom and it's a healthy way to go about it, will she change .... Time will tell, what's obvious is that you have M ... You've come a long way and you continue to grow, celebrate that, but that treat and enjoy it.
I just can't stand seeing someone let themselves go, and not do anything about it. I have suggested hobbies, exercise, pets....she always has an excuse.
Would it help you to understand that she didn't "let herself go", she's mentally ill? Even her obesity may be due to biological factors (her medications may cause obesity, gut flora may be a cause - stool transplants in c. dificile can cause the recipient to become obese if the donor was obese.). Hoarding is a mental illness, not a voluntary behavior. And you mom may be a borderline personality disorder from your description.
Not saying any of this to suggest you need to take her abuse or be in close contact with her. But since you feel she raised you as well as she could, you may want to assist her somewhat from afar. Is there any public entity that deals with elder welfare that could be called in to deal with her hoarding? If it is a health concern they may get involved, as it can be unsafe. Can she qualify for meals on wheels?
Hi kml, I am fully aware she has several mental illnesses along with depression, she has all my life. She used to threaten suicide but hasn't in a long time. She has money, she retired from the county and has amazing benefits. She sees a therapist, they put her on medications for her depression and OCD.
I have tried to just deal with it, but I don't have the time, energy or patience for her abuse right now. She is exhausting. She has 2 sisters nearby, one she is getting along with. She needs to be their problem right now. I don't know what else to do....
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
Oh good, if she has sisters, let them handle it for a while. Meanwhile you might read up on borderline personality disorder - that might help you in future dealings with her.
Also - find yourself a "mom" elsewhere. My good friend grew up with a stepmom with borderline personality disorder - mild, but still very problematic. (Her bio mother died when she was young). She made good friends as a young adult with an older woman who became a mentor and more of a mother figure for her.
Hi Kml. You seem to have some experience with this stuff and I appreciate any suggestions. My mom just emailed that I am killing her, so now I have her email blocked at work. I plan on calling my aunts tonight, to let them know what is going on because I sense this is going to escalate. Its a big reason I have been politely putting up with this drama for so long....
I will see what my aunts suggest. I will also read up on the disorder you mentioned.
Thanks again.
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
