The incident with the card Roiste had to be seen to be believed. My W handled it with such aggression - pushing stuff in to my hand, expecting me to sign without reading; expecting me to cut cards up in front of her - I had to say no otherwise I would have come over as a pushover. I'm not quite sure how any of my actions came over as controlling. I simply refused to do what she wanted, when she wanted it done. It would have been humiliating to do all this in front of my three kids. Don't forget, she then wanted me to do something that favoured her, not me.
Smetimes it's difficult to convey what really happened online. It can read wrong and looks like you were being a bit of a jerk but I know this isn't the case. I fully understand how the WW still thinks they are in control of your life and I fully understand the need to get the message across that this isn't the case at all. Sure, it'll p!ss them off but tough. I think you did well here.
As for the dating thing. I hear ya. There's plenty of time for that. You should head over to Zuse's thread. He and GB are having quite an insightful discussion on this very subject. Ok so all our circumstances are different but there are some gems of insight in there.
Pint soon?
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Yes, it is difficult to put over how things happen on a forum. I was pleasant throughout the whole conversation; she just spewed because I wouldn't do it at the time and speed she wanted it done. I have read this on many threads here - WAW wants to continue to control the LBS and when they don't comply, then the spew jackets are required.
Same thing with the TV. W has just called around to get a package for SD. Asked her about TV and she said she couldn't 'just palm the kids off'. I never said she could, so we've arranged for another day.
Dating is something I think I am going to dread. I don't feel lonely, just missing that 'thing' you get being with a woman. Well, you know! I can't help thinking I'm running out of time - silly, but hey.
Pint - why yes! I've got the kids this next weekend, but I think I can do the start of February - let me know by text when you're available.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Huddy - You don't have to date until you're ready. Like you, I was really worried about what on earth I was going to find out there. I kept saying I was going to go join a bereavement group - because I only wanted to date widowers.
Finally, my mind is clearing. There are plenty of people like us out there. Plenty of folks who understand commitment and honoring vows who have been left by someone completely undeserving of what we have to offer.
There is some comfort in being a "twosome" - companionship, someone to hang with, the "obvious" (LOL) - but I don't plan to date anyone unless I get to the point I am perfectly fine being completely on my own. I want to be stronger, healthier, more able to weather anything that comes my way.
I'm happy to use this forum to chat with people until that day comes, if it ever does. I take comfort in knowing that there are fine men still out there...just look at the wonderful guys we have here!
Maybe that will help a bit? Good people exist.
You are not running out of time. You have plenty of time.
Helped my W take the 'family' TV to her temporary accomodation today. SD, S & D came to my flat for tea whilst I went with W to help her. It's a six year old 50 inch thing and it weighs a ton! I helped her set it up. We had to go to the supermarket to get a new remote control. All very pleasant. W looked gorgeous but she admitted her new location was 'rough' and her flat 'poor' (as in quality).
W has been offered some stees (couches) and she asked if she could store them at my flat. She said something odd - 'you know, just for now, anything could happen'. A bizarre statement.
I look at her though and think there is no way she's coming back. She has been talking to the housing authority today and they have told her she could be in her 'temporary' home for two years. She doesn't seem to be missing me or pining me. I'm not sitting there wringing my hands, so I wonder if I should start thinking, again, about moving on.
W doesn't know about my trip to Hong Kong and I'm not planning on telling her. My friends at work keep telling me not to take her back and that by helping her move stuff to her flat/store it for her, that I'm being used. I don't feel I'm being used, but I'm too close. Maybe I'm not viewing it objectively. We've been chatting quite happily tonight; there felt like some warmth, but this may just have been to get me to help her. Perhaps I should wait a little longer....
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
It is not easy to know what path to take. Just be true to yourself. If you help her with stuff I think that is OK as long as it is done just for that with no expectations. I also don't see any reason to not be friendly.
I would definitely not be fully available though.Be busy doing stuff. Why not mention the trip. Not to rub her face in it but it does show you are thinking of YOU.
Don't mind read.
All the best
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
Hi Huddy. Unfortunately there is no handbook for how to deal with this and I think your doing really well. W coming forward or being warm means nothing You know this and if she decides to reconnect I think you will know.
I had alot of people tell me that I was too black and white with W but it was right for me. I help like you do but won't contact unless she starts it and never talk about R
I'm sure your W knows you love her still but I would also be sure she knows that you are able to move on as well.
You have become a man only a fool would leave and now you will see if / when she emerges from her fog if she can see that.
The trip sounds great and IMHO I would mention it as it is a big deal that maybe you would mention to someone , especially if W is going to be looking after the kids while your away
Again , you are a poster boy for DBing. Every time I see you've posted I look to see the next improvement in how you are dealing with a poo sitch
Thanks for feedback. I have to admit that one of people telling me that they think my W is using me is in a messy divorce and they are embittered and hateful.
Rd, I haven't contacted my W unless it's about the kids or money for joint things we still have (life assurance etc.). My only fear about telling her about going to Hong Kong is that she may see a reason to, at the last minute, find some reason for me not to go. This is not based on fact, just a hunch. I'll mull that one for now.
Poster boy for DB! Rd, last summer you picqued my thoughts towards W (I thought I was right - you were wrong) and I had a couple of weeks away before I resumed my 'studies'. I WAS WRONG. Well, if it wasn't for the likes of you, NDY etc. I would probably be skulking in a corner, so, I owe it all to you guys!
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Hi Huddy. As Mutatio says. The road map is here for all , you chose to follow it and dragged yourself out of the self pity and analysing everything W said or did
I don't often post when I see positives because a lot of LBSs are already looking for hope everywhere they can BUT in your sitch I see a lot of positives and who knows what's down the road
