Maybe it is and maybe it isn't, but I felt lead to ask her to just "Stop everything and agree to come to talk to someone with me." to which she told me "I will consider it."
As a Christian, it is often difficult to be able to separate what we feel "led" from our own emotions/desires. As a former WW, I can tell you that what you are wanting to tell her is pursit, and it doesn't work, Chris. Having faith in God is when you totally throw your hands up in the air and let go of the rope you are pulling. God doesn't need your help, in order to work in her life. (I don't mean that to sound like I'm being a smart a$$). I am trying to pass forward what it took many years to learn myself. I was always trying to assist God, or tell Him what needed to be done. It is not easy to remove ourselves from the situation, drama, or personal life of someone very important to us. However, it can be done.
It usually gets much worse for a WW before she makes the right decision. The more people in her "group" that encourages the A, the more difficult it may be for her to ignore their influence. Here's the painful truth, Chris, you cannot control that part of her life. You have to step away from her and put her in God's hands. He may have to take her to the divine woodshed before it's all over........but He will get her attention, if she is a Believer.
Most every WW that I recall has had to experience the reality of their bad decisions, before they would even try agree to think about working on the M. She is living in a fantasy, but if you don't enable her to continue this lifestyle, and if you will move forward instead of clinging to her emotionally......she could turn around. It takes a loooooong time. I mean LONG, b/c she is wayward. She has resentment, disrespect, and rebellion in her heart. Selfishness motivates everything she does. You can go on about your life, and whenever she sees OM for what he really is........and when her fantasy starts to crumble, she will probably find you. She has a process she must go through. Just get out of the way, and build a life without her, b/c this is not going to workout quickly. The faster you emotionally drop her, the faster she will start experiencing reality.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
thank you sandi.. and I know you are right. I pray to God daily that he will wake her up before it is too late and she is hurt, but I know that may not be God's plan in her life. It's just such a hard pill to swallow.
Me: 33 W: 32 Married: 4/2007 Trial Sep: 12/5/2015 S:5 y/o S:3 y/o EA w/OM#1 confirmed and ended: 6/12/14 EA w/OM#2 Confirmed 1/7/2016 still continues
Chris, keep in mind also that you cannot trust what she says. Meaning, that even if she revealed something to you in conversation, all that you know is that she revealed that to you in conversation. You don't know that it is the truth, or current information, or all of the information.
Also, you don't know that the NC or LRT had anything to do with her actions. By definition, they had NOTHING to do with her in fact. She is choosing what she is choosing.
It [censored], I know. But it sounds like you've been doing good GAL, so just keep it up brother.
Me:41 - LBH in apt W:39 - WW in home Kids:D(15), D(11), S(9) - custody % 58/42 M: 15 yrs - DoS: 10-11-15 (PA confirmed 2-12-16; WW dumped by AP 11-6-15; WW dated 7-8 men in Jan '16 via Match.com)
As a Christian, it is often difficult to be able to separate what we feel "led" from our own emotions/desires. As a former WW, I can tell you that what you are wanting to tell her is pursit, and it doesn't work, Chris. Having faith in God is when you totally throw your hands up in the air and let go of the rope you are pulling. God doesn't need your help, in order to work in her life. (I don't mean that to sound like I'm being a smart a$$). I am trying to pass forward what it took many years to learn myself. I was always trying to assist God, or tell Him what needed to be done. It is not easy to remove ourselves from the situation, drama, or personal life of someone very important to us. However, it can be done.
It usually gets much worse for a WW before she makes the right decision. The more people in her "group" that encourages the A, the more difficult it may be for her to ignore their influence. Here's the painful truth, Chris, you cannot control that part of her life. You have to step away from her and put her in God's hands. He may have to take her to the divine woodshed before it's all over........but He will get her attention, if she is a Believer.
Most every WW that I recall has had to experience the reality of their bad decisions, before they would even try agree to think about working on the M. She is living in a fantasy, but if you don't enable her to continue this lifestyle, and if you will move forward instead of clinging to her emotionally......she could turn around. It takes a loooooong time. I mean LONG, b/c she is wayward. She has resentment, disrespect, and rebellion in her heart. Selfishness motivates everything she does. You can go on about your life, and whenever she sees OM for what he really is........and when her fantasy starts to crumble, she will probably find you. She has a process she must go through. Just get out of the way, and build a life without her, b/c this is not going to workout quickly. The faster you emotionally drop her, the faster she will start experiencing reality.
This is pure gold right here. Please don't gloss over the enabling part. That is HUGE.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
I pray to God daily that he will wake her up before it is too late and she is hurt, but I know that may not be God's plan in her life.
You also have to take into account that your WW has free will. She isn't going to let go of that disrespect, resentment, and rebellion easily.
I had another poster tell me that my posts were not what he wanted to hear. I realize my talent may not be edification. I do, however, try to get the information to you as best that I can. I don't beat around the bush when I know you need to get all that you can get under your belt.
When I was wayward, I reached a point of needing someone to talk with me.....b/c things in my fantasy wasn't going as smoothly as I wanted. I "accidently" found my way here. You see how God can work? It was the folks on the board back then that gave me the information I needed. I made a decision based on the right thing to do. My heart wasn't into it. I had so much resentment toward my H. I had lost respect for him, and of course, I was rebelling. I had a lot of stubbornness and pride. It took two years before I would go to him, brokenhearted and ask for his forgiveness. And that was with me praying and asking God to help me feel remorse for what I had done. It seemed to have taken ages for me to get even get interested in working on the MR. I had a hard struggle with depression, and still have to take medication. It took quite a while before the loving feelings to return to me. As Christians, we learn to walk in faith and the feelings will follow. I knew it, however, it was very hard for me to do.
I shared this with you, not to discourage you, but to try and show you how it takes so much time for a WW to process this stuff. She has her own mess to work through. Stuff that started a long time before the OM came into the picture. Of course, I had been married decades before I had my A, but the foundation had been laid for a long, long time. Once all the circumstances were just right.....or wrong, I was vulnerable for the taking (so to speak).
I know that God can work miracles. It seems, however, that when He deals with His children learning a valuable lesson ........and b/c of their disobedience and stubbornness......He allows them to learn the hard way. A miracle would be much too easy, and therefore, it would be too easy for them to slide right back into the mudhole again. So, keep praying for her. Remember, God's timeframe and our timeframe is not the same. Stay focused on Him. (Chris)
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Forget what W says about anything. Maybe she does have strong feelings for him, maybe it's just BS to make you pursue her. Don't be drawn into her crazy make-believe nonsense. Focus on you and your kids. Be the best person and dad you can be and you can be proud of what you become no matter what drama happens outside your world.
Me:49 W:45 M:19 T:22 EA confirmed and ended 8/2014 S:19,17 D:9,5
Maybe it is and maybe it isn't, but I felt lead to ask her to just "Stop everything and agree to come to talk to someone with me." to which she told me "I will consider it."
As a Christian, it is often difficult to be able to separate what we feel "led" from our own emotions/desires. As a former WW, I can tell you that what you are wanting to tell her is pursit, and it doesn't work, Chris. Having faith in God is when you totally throw your hands up in the air and let go of the rope you are pulling. God doesn't need your help, in order to work in her life. (I don't mean that to sound like I'm being a smart a$$). I am trying to pass forward what it took many years to learn myself. I was always trying to assist God, or tell Him what needed to be done. It is not easy to remove ourselves from the situation, drama, or personal life of someone very important to us. However, it can be done.
It usually gets much worse for a WW before she makes the right decision. The more people in her "group" that encourages the A, the more difficult it may be for her to ignore their influence. Here's the painful truth, Chris, you cannot control that part of her life. You have to step away from her and put her in God's hands. He may have to take her to the divine woodshed before it's all over........but He will get her attention, if she is a Believer.
Most every WW that I recall has had to experience the reality of their bad decisions, before they would even try agree to think about working on the M. She is living in a fantasy, but if you don't enable her to continue this lifestyle, and if you will move forward instead of clinging to her emotionally......she could turn around. It takes a loooooong time. I mean LONG, b/c she is wayward. She has resentment, disrespect, and rebellion in her heart. Selfishness motivates everything she does. You can go on about your life, and whenever she sees OM for what he really is........and when her fantasy starts to crumble, she will probably find you. She has a process she must go through. Just get out of the way, and build a life without her, b/c this is not going to workout quickly. The faster you emotionally drop her, the faster she will start experiencing reality.
As I read through these boards, SANDI continues to just spew TRUTH. This is EXACTLY WHAT HAS JUST HAPPENED TO ME...almost sickening because its so identical to everything that's posted here.
If any man has a WW, I'd advise them to read, reread, and reread all of Sandi2's WW posts and her recent posts as well. There is nothing more valuable.
Trust in God. That means really letting go, work on yourself, GAL, and believe that whatever outcome occurs, it will be for the best. That may mean bringing your wife back because you all are better for each other now (sometimes we need to go through this in order to learn life altering lessons), or it means there will be something brighter and bigger than you could have ever imagined in the future. Believe it.
Trust in God. That means really letting go, work on yourself, GAL, and believe that whatever outcome occurs, it will be for the best. That may mean bringing your wife back because you all are better for each other now (sometimes we need to go through this in order to learn life altering lessons), or it means there will be something brighter and bigger than you could have ever imagined in the future. Believe it.
I hold on to this.... This is what I pray on everyday. It's a tough pill to swallow as an LBS. Like the rug was pulled out from under you in a life that you considered about average compared to other marriages. How blind we can be when loving someone. God is about the only thing I've learned you can lean on rain or shine. He's shown me things about myself these past 8 weeks that could not have been possible in any other situation than something as extreme as this. I pray that God's plan will align with mine, but know the road may fork from my will.. and that's tough! But it's in his hands.
Me: 33 W: 32 Married: 4/2007 Trial Sep: 12/5/2015 S:5 y/o S:3 y/o EA w/OM#1 confirmed and ended: 6/12/14 EA w/OM#2 Confirmed 1/7/2016 still continues
The one thing in my journey with a WW is that God is in charge. And he has a plan for me.
When I detach from my wife, I feel more of Him in my heart. There is still a place for my wife, but I wasn't living life by trying to please her.
It's an awakening. I'm grateful for the wakeup call. I'm also a proud guy that think's he's smarter than the average bear. And that pride is the hardest of all our sins. I've learned about humility in this process, and when I'm really humble, is when Jesus speaks to me in a whisper. I daily pray for humility.
I just read no more mr nice guy... and of course, there are some differences between that book and the Good Book. Being confident, but also being humble? It can be done. I think - I'm trying!
M46, EXWW46 M15 T17 D20, S19, D13 M - Addiction since 1998 W EA/PA #1 2013/2014 W EA #2 June 2015... BD 1 Big D talk 9/15 BD 2 - EA/PA disc 10/30/15 Served D 1/22/16 Divorced 5/25/16 (yes, that fast!)
I hope you're doing good. This thread has helped me see what the future holds. My W has been having an EA with men and women in online gaming role play. I am not sure what my future holds but I hope to handle myself as well as it seems you have. Meeting with her today for dinner to discuss custody arrangements. How did you decide on the trial separation? Did she want to go the legal route? My W says I am emotionally abusive. I have got to follow your example on texts, I know that must be hard. My heart skips a beat when I get one from her, but only disappointment in the mundane nature of what they normally are. Ironic, my W is having an interview next week. Got my game plan thanks to you sharing, and all the awesome support on this site. Best of luck and give us an update. Love to hear how things are going for you!
It is not easy to remove ourselves from the situation, drama, or personal life of someone very important to us. However, it can be done. 