Time to Let Go.....How? (6)

[gs9]

otw
You should do something you want to do! Don't worry about past memories because you are creating new ones.

I know I have a hard time answering the question of "what do I want to do?" because I spent so much time doing what she wanted bc I just wanted to be with her. And this is probably not fair to say. We liked a lot of the same things I don't remember a time where I was given the option to just choose what we were doing. I guess it's another example of my passivity.

Whatever you do make sure to have a blast

[otw]

G
I understand and I am just trying to figure out what to do.

I wish I had the answer to Azzorks question. Even tonight she didn't call the kids to say good night again. I definitely suspect OM now. there is really no other reason for a mother to not think of her children except being wrapped up in the newness of something. Makes me sick to my stomach to be honest

I have been doing fairly well with almost NC for January.. It is hurting me but I think I have to do it to try to get healthy for myself and kids. I know I have had the urge to date just for the companionship and the feel of having someone of the opposite sex interested in what I have to say or just some attention.

I then second guess this and think it is possibly an awful move.

I focus a lot on my children when I am with them and we have a blast but also find that is when she is on my mind most. I need to kick this somehow.

[mahhhty]

Remember it is about you not her. Keep you head on straight and try to power through those darker times. Figure out something you can do in those moments that will be good for you.

[otw]

thanks Mahhty,I am searching for a way bad right now because I hate this feeling. I am not saying that I need her back and cant do this but I need these feelings of missing her to go away.

[mahhhty]

What do you truly enjoy? In those darker times do that.

When things are super fresh and upsetting, I do one of 4 things...

1 Play with the kids and turn off the phone
2 Go Kayaking
3 Go Lifting
4 Journal or Rant here

[vise82]

Hey OTW,

I too have had those feeling of wanting to connect with other woman, but then I asked my self why am I feeling like that? Am I only happy when I am with someone? Can I only be happy if a women is near me?

Of course not. We are strong men that can be happy on our own doing what we like when we want to. We don't need someone else in our lives to be happy. I think only when we are at that point truly then we can allow another person in to our lives.

[otw]

So i need to do an update here.

I am sure everyone that has been checking in on me knows after the holidays I had a difficult time.

I was really looking for a way to get over this feeling. I decided to book another IC appointment and a DB coach session. I hadnt had either in a while so while i had to catch both of them up on a lot, i quickly turned to them and said I need help getting this feeling gone and moving forward.

Now I really didnt get any never heard before advice but for some reason I feel completely different.
They both agreed with me going the no contact route. I must say this has been a real difference. I know i was scared to try it but what a difference.
My mind will still wander to her now and then but i quickly dismiss it and change my thoughts.

I have been reading a lot of posts here from different people I chime in on and other that i just follow. I have seen a big trend of guys for a fact trying to hold on way to much. If they are in house still or not. there is a lot of holding on to any little occurrence like it is making a difference. People have been giving them great advice for a while but not catching it.

I must admit I was exactly the same. Trying to be overly nice when we were around each other, looking for ways to interact, etc..
This may be fine at some point but for those of us stuck and cant really grasp it is gone, no matter how much we type we know it is, I have some advice. It is nothing that hasnt been said before but maybe do it to an extreme to make it help.

Go as much no contact as you can. When i say this challenge yourself to a set period of time. I know those that live in the same house will say well we live together. I hate to tell you, if you really wanted to do it you could. It is all about making different choices about your day and routines.

I know this may not be popular, but when you do this you will have nothing to do but get yourself busy and you will have to force yourself to avoid interactions. This has made such a difference to me.

I came on the boards to read today after the weekend and wanted to comment on many threads to get your head out of your a** and let her go. I dont want to be harsh because believe I know what you are feeling but you have to.

To the people like Sandi, Azzork, Max, and many others, you have no idea how different your words look to me today. I kind of laughed at myself.

I still would love for my family to be healed, but right now I dont care what she is doing I am thinking about me and my kids. I am thinking about our lives and what we are going to be doing. It actually feels great.


I would like to expand further when i can put it in better words.

[ARose]

Otw, I am so glad you are feeling better. Sometimes we just have to reach a certain point before it "sinks in." I agree with you about not watching every little thing. That was making me crazy too. I have recently dropped the rope and come to the same realization as you, without going no-contact but I think that would have helped me if I had done that sooner.

I am so glad you are doing better!

[otw]

Fo
thanks for commenting. I was reading yours earlier and saw that you seemed to be in a great place.

I think the NC was very scary and in the beginning for me it was very hard, but once i got past a week. I am now fine.

The funny thing is that i have had to see her twice for kids exchanges. I dont really acknowledge her at all. I focus on the kids. the only time i acknowledge her when we are leaving, I look up with a big smile and say see ya.

The looks that I am getting from her are priceless though. I dont know if she is pissed, confused, happy or what, but I really dont care. There is no way I could continue living like i was, because honestly, I wasnt living!

I think you are right about trying the NC, I wsih i did it earlier. It has made a world of difference.

We have S4 bday coming up and I have tickets for a Monster Truck show and I have one extra that I was considering offering to her, but there is no chance right now. I am going to invite one of his friends instead.

I want to go on other peoples posts and stress this but I dont want to be pushy and maybe this extreme isnt right for all, but me it is helping great!

[gs9]

otw
Great job and great attitude. I am D'd and still in same house. Ouch! Weird! But you can do NC in same house. I have been able to do some of this not speaking to her for days at a time. I knew her schedule and adjusted mine to be away from the house when she was there. On days I had D4 I would pick her up at preschool, take her to dinner and ice cream getting home around 8pm. Just in time to put her to bed and go to bed myself. On the weekend I would make plans for D4 and I to be away from the house spending daddy daughter time. Not telling WXW what we were doing, not concerned with what she was doing. Just being the best dad I could be while staying away from WXW.
It is difficult but doable.