Separated- Wife in Emotional Affair

[trumpet]

Chris,

I use Twitter quite a bit - don't see much harm in that - keep up with events and the NFL using it.

My FB profile went dark 3 days ago - just said I'd be off of FB, and to call my cell phone if anyone needed anything. No mention of what's going on. No need to. It has been tough to not check - had to go on to get a name of someone yesterday, and saw my wife changed her profile pic, saying she's the happiest she's been in years... puke. That set me back a few hours last night, so my recommendation is to go through the withdrawls of it, and keep finding things to do besides stare at the screen.

I do spend a lot more time on divorcebusting, but I consider that helpful and inspiring. I listen to music, read my books now, and have been getting financials organized if/when my W files.

Tyler, computer games were part of my addiction. They're gone now. Clash of clans was fun, kindom of camelot was great for a few years, but now I regret all the time I spent away from the W and kids. It was a coping mechanism for deeper problems I had - the pornoraphy and my love of self. Working on both right now means I don't have a need for the games anymore. I still do a quick mind game on my phone, kind of like sudoku, keeps my mind sharp.

[Chris82]

Hey Sandi I took your advice. I do realize that I have a problem with conflict and fighting fairly. Growing up fighting was a pretty frequent even at my house and my mother is just the type to say things as mean as possible to just get a response. This is something I no doubt need to work on with myself. I have scheduled an appointment to speak with someone about that issue that my wife and I used to go to MC for a brief time in the past and knows our history.

I need to address the way I am in this area, if not for my marriage, but for how I deal with anger as a person. I appreciate the suggestion. With being so caught up in this situation I lost sight of the "not so fun things" that I should also be doing to better myself. I cannot control whether or not my wife has a change of heart and wants to work together again, but I can make sure that no matter what I handle that issue.

[sandi2]

Glad to hear it.

[Chris82]

I made a mistake tonight.. I made contact. I had a frustrating day at work, Someone texted me and a snapshot of one of the W's status updates that talked about how "taking even a small step in the right direction was a good thing" and it was "liked" by the OM's sister. I texted her telling her how I was glad to hear she was handling things so well.... ugh.. stupid stupid man!

I have since told that contact I no longer wish to have updates on her condition, that I am trying to focus on my own life and take time for me. They agreed to not do it anymore. She replied with "well since you seem over the past 3 days to not even care, that shouldn't be too hard"... All I said in return was that I "refused to talk ugly with her" and ended the conversation.

I'm sorry gang.. I dropped the ball. But at least there wasn't any conflict. Where we would usually fight I just told her I wouldn't do it again...

[mvgfwd2]

Don't beat yourself up. Now GAL away, it helps improve your mood and outlook quite a bit.

[sandi2]

What are you doing over the weekend?

[sandi2]

One thing that I am learning about myself in this sitch is that I particularly struggle with mornings when I'm not in the same house with her. As the day progresses and it gets closer to the time for me to get off work and have some free time to distract me I get better.

Try something different. Play some music that gets your blood pumping. Listen to a Christian radio station. Do a morning workout. Just something to change the morning routine and to give yourself a little pep talk.

[Chris82]

Weekend was really great. I had a buddy come in town and we went and saw another friend in a play at a small local venue in town with a group of about 20! Then went out for dinner and drinks. It was fun to get out.

Still kind of awkward when the whole group was mainly couples. But, overall, just a lot of fun. I spent the greater part of Sunday at church in the morning and then got caught of on laundry and stuff at my apartment.

[Chris82]

I should probably be honest that I had a friend the W works with over the weekend and tell me not to listen to the W when she tells me they are "just friends." I hardly know this person but they had heard through different people about what she was doing to me and had done to me as far as this separation goes and how I've handled it with integrity and felt like I should know.

I thanked her for looking out but I wasn't really interested in updates on her. (Even though, being honest, I am. ha!)

I guess some how the W found out that someone told me and has tried to call the past 2 days. I've done well to ignore it, but when she blows my phone up for an hour and a half nonstop (thats 36 missed calls to be exact), picked up this morning the third time.

She was concerned that I knew they were more than friends (which I already basically knew). I told her it was no big deal, and that I didn't have time to talk about it because I was working and I didn't see the need in discussing it. We were separated, it didn't change anything, and I wouldn't allow it to make me react and alter my emotions. She was shocked and said "I don't really like you making the rules like this." I was blown away. Kind of chuckled, told her I hope she had a nice day, and ended the conversation.

The odd part is, I'm finding that I'm much happier right now without her around. The poison in her life was always wiping off on me. I've finally felt comfortable putting her out of the front of my mind and socializing with people. It feels good to have a little bit of a social life again. Thanks group!

[mvgfwd2]

Yes, she wants you to feel miserable that she left. OF course she doesn't like it when you're not. Plan B is dissolving.

GAL'ing does make your view of the world better. Keep it up.